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What to do after breaking up with my boyfriend of 4 years?
I am a 21/f and about a little over 2 months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 4 and a half years. There are many reasons for the break up and it was mutual when I initiated it. Reasons for the break up were because things weren't the same anymore, trust issues, argued alot, things became routine, didn't talk throughout the day alot, no romance, more like friends than bf/gf...etc. After the the break up the ex wasn't so fond of the idea anymore and kept trying to get back together. I declined and he let me be. We had a long conversation like a week or so after and was kind of like closer because we both realized we weren't getting back together. I haven't talked to him since. He asked if it was okay if he deleted me off facebook when the break up went down and I was like ok? Mine is private and his isn't. Even though I know this isn't helping.. I do the occasional creep on his FB.. and here recently he had mentioned going to the movies with the girl who he talked to behind my back. All of a sudden I grew angry/irritated at the fact and I'm pretty sure its normal to feel that way. I am obviously not going to say anything because he aren't together and I am doing my thing too.. I am wondering if it would be bad to text one of these days to see how he's doing, maybe not mention the fact I don't like him seeing that girl but see how things are. It's really weird not being able to just text him out of habit and say hey and stuff... he was apart of me for over 4 years and it's not that I want to be with him again but I wonder if we could be friends but I'm not so sure right now would be good. I am at lost at what to do and I am probably answering my own question by saying don't talk to him, don't be friends and stop looking at his FB.. but easier said than done. Any suggestions on how to move on?
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i've been there (my relationship was only a year though, not 4) but i understand where you're coming from. things happen during the day that make you think about him and you want to just text him and talk to him because he was such a big part of your life, but the truth is you just shouldn't. it sounds like the only reason you really want to talk to him now is because you don't want him talking to that girl. the truth is, it's not your business anymore. in deciding that you guys should break up, you gave up the right to control which girls he talks to/hangs out with. personally, i think you would be better off if you waited a few more months until you guys completely cool down and heal and then see if you can be friends. trying to be friends so fast after the break up can result in one of you wanting to get back together/getting jealous/etc. it's better for you to just stay away from him for awhile. when you want to text him just to talk, text one of your girl friends instead. good luck!
live.laugh.love
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so first when yall broke up should have told him that you still want to be friends but sometimes beibg friends with your ex can get a lilttle chaotic because you began wanting to talk to him even more and the next thing you know you having those feelings again that you had when you guys were going out i cant make your desicion for you but i think you guy should be friends to a certain extint like let him know you dont wanna know about his personal life with his gf just news about him ....but if you do kick him out of your life for good i can tell you now you just gonna want him more and more in it ..... sorry for writing so much
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You know, I see nothing wrong in what you are doing. You was with him for 4 years, and its tough. I'm sure during these 4 years you have somehow, one way or another, combined your lifestyle to fit in with his. Once you have been with someone for so long, its hard to remember how, or what things were like before they came into your life.
Its been two months. Everything will get easier. It is normal to go snooping at his page. YOu loved him. Its not like there was never love there, so of course your going to be curious and nosey.
Even though it makes you mad to see him talk to this girl that HE TALKED TO BEHIND YOUR BACK (which to me, is pretty pathetic) I would never let him know. Like Zane said below, he is just trying to get you where he wants you. He's trying to get you to feel what he felt when you left him. Sure it may have been mutual, but not mutual enough, if he wanted to come back and you rejected him. (good job, by the way; i can imagine that might have been pretty difficult).
I also don't see anything wrong in wanting to be friends with him. Of course though, right now isn't the right time. I'd wait until you are over him a little more. Find you someone else to text.
They say, "The only way to get over a man, is to get under another" && "One man's loss is another mans gain".
Your young, you were tied down for 4 years. Its time to go out and enjoy yourself as a person; and enjoy all the men this world has to offer! I garentee that as soon as your ex finds out about you actually doing better without him, he's going to be feeling 10x worse than you are!
Good Luck<3
If you need anything else, just inbox me, or send me an email to xxbbyxitsxyouxx@aol.com
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Moving on from a long relationship is not that simple but I suggest you give your self time to go out with the usual routine when you are together. It is normal to feel that way when you saw him moving on. The best you can do is to move on also. Don't try to hard to move on though. Give your self time. Do other things instead to make your self busy and to be able to forget him. You will be amaze that after sometime its effortless not to think of him anymore. Good luck.
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If you text him you will be adding fuel to his fire. His page is public, He wanted to get back together with you and you declined is offer. This kids intentions ARE to get you to notice and sometimes people have a certain way of manipulating their way back into certain situations. Maybe this really isn't the case here but the reason why I'm assuming is because him asking if it would be okay to delete you from facebook is already the beginning of his game.
> He asked if it would be okay to deleted you from facebook and here is where he was trying to grasp your attention. Likely, He knows you peep in every once and awhile and that is exactly why it's public.
You really aren't helping the situation by looking at his recent activity, You instead are making things worse for yourself. You suggest that you both go your separate ways and it has also been two months. My advice is move on and stop looking in. If you have to and find it easier block him but giving him exactly what he is looking for isn't going to benefit you in anyway but remind him that his twisted game of manipulation worked. You said it yourself, There was no trust and you both argued a lot and therefore it breaking up was the best choice in the end. Really, Don't go crawling back if the relationship was baggage. It doesn't look good and skip the texting because like I said you are feeding into it giving him what he wants and that's nothing but to manipulate you.
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