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Do I have a right to be mad?
I will try to make things as short as I can. My ex boyfriend and I went out for only about a month and a half. I believe the reason why things didn't work out was because we both wanted different things in a relationship. He wasn't the type to open up and let you in. He had walls all around him. Eventually I grew tired of trying to get through to him and we both decided to call it off. The thing with him is that he's very well known in my community and a lot of my friends know him. He is one of those good looking boys that has girls crushing on him from left to right. There's this one girl that he's friends with, that I know. She has a boyfriend, who's my cousin. My cousin usually gets suspicious of how close they act but he always says he trusts her. My ex and the girl say they are just friends and I believe them. They might secretly crush on each other but they know their limitations. Anyway, yesterday was the girl's birthday and my ex gave her a heart necklace. This upset me because the necklace looks just like the one he gave me, except we were together at the time. The thing is, they are supposedly just friends. He stayed up until 3:15 in the morning to tell her Happy Birthday. Isn't that a little overly friendly? I don't think I am jealous, but I am a little hurt at the fact that, I tried to long to get through to him and I guess I feel a little betrayed by the whole necklace thing. What do you guys think?
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The very definition of jealousy is "Fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position."
What you’ve described is jealousy, and that's okay. You are feeling replaced and betrayed. You’ve lost your position with him, and it appears to you like someone else has that position now. Even if she didn’t have a boyfriend, it would feel icky. It's okay to be mad and hurt when an ex shows preference to someone else. It's okay to be jealous. We feel what we feel and that's okay.
However, it's not fair to judge or behave badly, and it doesn't mean you deserve an explanation or apology from him, or that he is doing anything wrong. He might be doing something wrong, but you can't, don't and might never know for sure. He’s your ex - so you don’t get to know what’s going on anymore.
You don't have the right to judge, or be cruel, or to gossip. Being jealous, mad or hurt, are things you can't help and are okay things to feel. Just don't pretending that feeling something gives you a right to behave badly. Go ahead and be angry. Choose not to be his friend, or to talk to him anymore. But remember that being angry doesn’t mean its okay to be mean.
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You're not with him so there's no reason to be mad. You sound like you're more hurt than mad which is fine. In the end though it was a mutual decision that you break-up. I wouldn't get involved in the situation with your cousin and his gf and your ex. Let your cousin take that battle. It would be different if you were together than I can see you being mad but it sounds like you're more hurt to me. Don't worry about it!
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