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I'm thinking about suicide & this isn't the 1st time I've thought about it.
I am sick and tired of living. My family hates me. They treat me like crap. I'm never appreciated and I want it to be over. I cannot continue to live this way. I'm either going to kill myself or run away and hope someone will kill me. I need help before I do something stupid.
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hello! you might have feelings like you what to die or no one in this world care about them but god will always love you and care about you ,sometimes people don,t even know what your going through and it seems like they are encouraging you to kill yourself but i can tell you this thou ,do not kill your self because they will be worst to come after you kill your self ,you will end up in this place where no body will like to go and thats HELL! so please i,m asking you to ask the lord for his help cause prays do work and ,you have to learn to be strong ,things will not be bad all the time, life comes with good and bad so be strong and take care i will have you in my prays peace and love :)
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Although you can't control whether you are thinking about suicide or not, you can control what you do with those thoughts. Really, it's not very uncommon to think about it. Millions, perhaps even billions of people in the world have considered it, but most of us are very quiet about it. Only a few of the people considering suicide actually kill themselves; the rest of us survive one way or another, whether we expected to or not. Still, I've been in that dark place where suicide seems like the best solution to my problems, and it's never a fun place to be.
You don't give much information about your age or your family situation, but I'm guessing you're under 18. I can't tell what you mean exactly when you say your family treats you like crap, and I'm not going to make assumptions about it. All I can tell you is how my parents treated me when I was depressed, and go from there. My parents do care about me, and they're rather nice when they're not out of their minds with stress. But when I was depressed, we fought a LOT, and usually I felt like I was just a burden to them. Sometimes they would say the cruelest things to me. They'd tell me I deserved to just sit there and cry for the way I act, and that I was just being lazy when I physically could not get myself out of bed. They still loved me and continued to support me, but they would say things that made me feel like a disgusting speck of dirt.
Your family might be like mine. They may care about you but be bad at expressing it, or they may be caught up in a whirlwind of problems that is turning them bitchy and/or apathetic. Or maybe they aren't paying attention to you like they should be, and because of that they misinterpret your actions and treat your more harshly than you deserve. It's unlikely that they really hate you, but I have seen families where it was true, so I'm not going to lie and say it's impossible. Still, a lot of the time we mistake anger, frustration, and exhausted apathy for hatred. I still make that mistake a lot.
Either way, I think your best choice would be to seek help from an outside source. If you're in school, set up a meeting with your school counselor and tell them what is going on. They're trained to deal with this kind of thing, and they usually have a lot of real-life experience helping students like you. If you're not in school, try finding local mental health clinics, or even call a counseling hotline. I know it's scary to open up to someone in person like that, but that really is your best option.
As for the two options you are considering... Running away would be rough, really rough. The chances of you getting killed quickly by someone else are pretty low, but the chances of you being raped and/or beaten are high. Most people will look at you like garbage, and others will look at you as easy prey. If you are living on the streets, you will be dirty and sweaty because showers are hard to come by, and cold/wet if you can't find a sheltered place to sleep. Shelters exist, but a lot of the time they fill up quickly, and some people avoid them whenever possible for fear of rape. Running away might get you away from your family, but it will cause you even more problems in the long run.
Suicide, in my opinion, isn't really an option. I don't say this out of some flowery belief that your life is a gift and you should believe in yourself, or whatever people say. But I have been suicidal so many times, and tried going through with it a couple of times as well. Later, after I come out of my depression and my situation improves, I think, "God, I can't believe I almost did that." Killing myself would be the biggest mistake of my life. I would have missed out on so many things, and hurt people terribly whether I knew it or not.
I know that right now, but when things get bad I still start considering it. That's why I need outside help, especially when I'm suicidal. I can do a lot of things for myself, but I can't do everything. Sometimes, especially when it comes to depression and suicidal thoughts, it's impossible for us to 'change our attitude' by ourselves. We have the free will to seek help and exert some control over our actions, but much like if you had a broken leg, it's hard to fix the problem with determination alone. You have to play a role in healing yourself, but it's nearly impossible without the proper tools, and in this case those tools may include talking to professionals, or talking things out with your family, or telling a trusted friend that you're afraid to be left alone.
Depending on the specifics of your situation, you may eventually want to consider therapy and/or medication. This is your choice and I wont go into details about it here; I just wanted to note that they're not as awful as they're made out to be. Crappy therapists and psychiatrists exist, and they can make things worse, but if you encounter a bad one you should switch until you find one you like. Same with medication (if you decide to try it): if you don't like one medicine, switch to another. Both therapy and medication have worked miracles for me, although it took a lot of trial-and-error to get things right. They're worth a try if nothing is working. They can't magically 'fix' you, but they can be a vital help to you as you try to dig yourself out of this pit.
If you find yourself feeling worse or you need to talk to someone right away, there is a sort of online crisis hotline called IMAlive. It works through instant messaging and is completely free. The staff are trained to help you with suicidal thoughts and other problems, and they volunteered for it because they genuinely want to help. Here is the link, just keep it in mind so you have it if you need it:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Things are rough for you right now, and a lot of people may not understand why you feel this way or what it is really like for you. You will get a lot of crappy advice whether you ask for it or not, and at least a few people will be rude about it. But you need to keep going, because you do have many years left in your lifespan, and so many amazing/ridiculous/terrible/silly/wonderful/strange/fantastic things can happen in that time. At some points it will be downright impossible to enjoy anything, and it may seem like nothing could be worth the pain, but someday you WILL reach a point where you are glad to have made it through. It may seem like an impossibly distant time in the future, but that day is much closer than it feels. I've reached that day and I'm happy to have made it, but when I was 16 I didn't expect to make it to my 17th birthday. Now I'm 19 and actually want to live much longer. You CAN get through it, and someday you wont be suffering like you are now. Someday you will actually feel happy again, but you have to wade through a bunch of crap to get there. Please, don't give up. You will get there.
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I not a doctor so this is not a diognosis, but it sounds as if your depressed.
They say the best way to cure a depressed person is to take them back to when they were a kid. Have fun-even play with toys you used to or much about outside!
It sounds crazy, but it really works as your engaging with the happy past, in order to build up a happy future.
Also, you should talk to your family about this. hey don't hate you probobly, its just some people find it hard to express love than others. Also, see a counsellor/doctor for advice.
Finally, I'd recommend you click on 'search questions' on this site. So many people have asked this question and wanted help. You can find more suggestions there or even connect with other people who a feeling like this so you don't go it alone.
Good luck but I'm sure things will pick up :)
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You don't say how old you are so it's difficult to say if this is a 'growing up and adjustment' stage of your life or a more settled habitual state of affairs, making it difficult to advise you properly.
You know that killing yourself is stupid and worse, such a waste of life. No-one is born intending to die without achieving anything; life is a gift that we should all strive to use to the utmost without hurting others or ourselves.
The most telling phrase in your question for me is 'I cannot continue to live this way.'
So change things. It can be hard to change big things like where we live or work, what we do all and every day. Rather than move house permanently, is there a family member you could go and stay with until the situation changes? An extended holiday might help.
School and college change yearly as you progress, but the people you're with in class tend to stay more or less the same; could you change your social life in some way, join a club that has similar interests to you, crafts, music, gardening, charity work, books, travel. Look around you, are there people who need help? Helping out at soup kitchens or homeless shelters would give you plenty of appreciation.
Most of all, the hardest thing of all, try to change your attitude. Try to look at life from someone else's viewpoint, although you say you're sick and tired of living, your life may be one that someone else would crave. If not, change it!
Sounds so easy, but only you can do it.
Hope this helps, please let me know how you get on? I'll only worry otherwise!
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