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What do you do when you're feelings are dead?
As a teenager, I always hung out with guys more than girls. Though I was never overly attractive, but I always seemed to be the only girl or one of 2 girls out a few geeky guys in a group. I never focused on dating through high school and it didn't become until the spring semester of my first year in college did I get into my first relationship
This relationship, just happened to be with a friend that I knew casually since I was in 7th grade, so figure we go back.. a good 6 years and now we we are dating. We were on and off for 2 1/2 years, he was the love of my life, took my virginity and everything from me, though he constantly cheated and are dating. We were on and off for 2 1/2 years, he was the love of my life, took my virginity and everything from me, though he constantly cheated and lied to me, rarely spent any money on me..I still gave him chances to fix things and chances to make me happy. We haven't spoken since June, but I still love him with everything I got. Always will no matter what.
During our on and off, I started hanging with a co-worker from work. Though we were just friends.. we cuddled and times when we would spend the night together, he would wrap his arms around me..or he would take mine and wrap them around his. We only slept together twice, casual we felt aroused not the "I want you so badly" type. I never had emotion while sleeping with him, as I knew I didn't love him like I loved my ex. My so-called best friend stole this guy from me.. and he and I ended up having a falling out as he tried to hide and lie to me about this.. a few weeks after this had al exploded, he had moved across the country in October 2010. He texts me and facebooks me, tells me how much he loves and misses me.. and how cute we were together.. here and there, everytime I get upset over this.. because I liked him..and he messed with my head always cuddling with me, then went behind my back and dated my so-called best friend.. then tells me how he loves me, and how he messed up? I no longer feel the need to constantly talk to him every single day, like we used to when he was living here...it's starting to get quite fustrating.
After my friend co-worker had moved away, I started to talk to a different guy I used to work with before I transferred stores, we exchanged numbers..and texted and spoke on the phone for hours on end. We would hang out a lot, drive around, kiss and hold hands. He'd buy me food and come visit me on my breaks, he got me to open up and it made feel really good that I could trust someone again. We talked about so many things in life while i was iffy about the whole thing. The problem was.. he was 31, while I was only 20. We had a fall out, because he is a player..and some chick decided to pick up his phone and tell me off.. and drama started to flow through my old work place..and my current workplace since day one when someone saw us together
I then moved away for seven months, had the time of my life.. talked to guys.. hung out.. went to dinner once with a guy, never held hands or kissed anyone while I was gone.. When I came home, I found myself talking to the too -old-for-me guy again, as friends.. though I had no intentions to dealing with the drama.. it was nice to catch up..we hung out twice..and in texts he would tell me that if it wasn't for the age difference, we would be together...yes that hurt, but I had no intentions on being friends again.. let alone date him. Yet again things fell apart, when I decided to mess with his head and make him think that I wanted him when I didn't.. and he called me stupid and told me that he had a girl and i just didn't get it. we stopped talking..Am I happy? Oh very. I couldn't deal with the drama that flew around the friendship, and I don't have the energy to put effort into a friendship that fell apart the first time.
The thing is..I'm 21..and after being single for all of 2011.. I guess I'm starting to experience loneliness..I want someone there. I'm not looking because you you look you can't find it(hence how this idiot came back into my life after I came home). I just simply don't have the energy and effort for a relationship anymore.. I feel like I can't give guys the affection and energy and effort I used to have.
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That was a lot to take it. By the way you rated the person's advice to you showed you didn't find it useful. But hopefully I can give you some advicec you can use.
You say, "I feel like I can't give guys the affection and energy and effort I used to have."
-This is completely understandable. You have given your all to a couple of guys, and like most girls, you get nothing in return except for pain, drama, and confusion. What you don't know is that you do have the affection, energy, and effort that you use to have. You just have to find someone to bring it out. I know it seems like every guy is the same, and/or similar. But trust me, they're not. Being lonely sucks, but the more you keep searching and looking for guys, the longer you will be lonely. In order to be happy with a man, you have to be happy with yourself.
If your looking for a relationship, don't have sex with guys, arroused or not. By having sex, it's giving the guy an easy chase. Guys love a challenge. Sex will not make a guy love you, once you have sex with a guy before you build a foundation for a relationship, MOST guys feel no need to work to build the foundation. They have simply, "got what they wanted".
Your normal. Your confused, and you want answers. There are no answers that the people of this website can tell you. Only you can answer them. Your feelings aren't dead, they are just hidden. When you find someone, take it slow. Than you will realize that those 'dead' feelings are finally coming alive again.
If you need anything else, or have anymore questions, don't hiestate to email me at xxbbyxitsxyouxx@aol.com.
Good Luck!<3
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You are going for guys who are all unavailable to you emotionally. Was your dad available in your life? If not, if he was absent either physically or emotionally you are doing that a lot of women do, repeat their home life in their personal lives. The only real cure for that is therapy/counseling.
By the way, when you invite a guy to your house he is expecting sex. So don't do it unless you are either having a party with other people involved or you want to have a relationship with him.
It's evident your pretty immature when it comes to dealing with men because you started late with relationships. That isn't a crime, it just is what it is. People all bloom at different times.
The mental trick to conquering loneliness is to have a concrete idea of what you want in a partner and then don't settle until you get it (of course, nobody is perfect, so you gotta have a little wiggle room in there). When you give in to loneliness and the desperation it fosters you effectively allow others to manipulate you and you hate yourself for it. So take some control, determine what the agenda for your life is and then move forward without allowing anyone to sabotage you.
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