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humorist-workshop
Boyfriends Sister.
I'm going to try and be brief here, but there's so much to say that I haven't been able to talk about, so if I rant, I apologize.
I realize now that this probably wasn't a good idea, but I became best friends with my boyfriends sister. Now, overtime, I've noticed little things she does that annoy/offend me and I can't talk to her or her brother about it (they're incredibly close...INCREDIBLY close, its almost strange) cause she would just get pissed and tell me I have an attitude, etc., and her brother would just defend her and make me feel like an asshole.
They have a hard family life, so I understand her upbringing wasn't the best, but it's just one of those things that it's hard to pull through. She's very conflicting with her points, wants to go here, wants to do this but I HAVE to do it all with her, otherwise she won't do it. She complains of the numerous boys that hit on her, but that might be because she flirts and texts with them all. These things are all she talks about, I basically feel like I'm listening to a child go on a hyper rant.
But she's very wanting to know it all and have a say in every situation. She'll ask you/whomever what's going on in another's life, seeming to be just curious, but when the opportunity arises she'll use that information to be like,"I KNOW THIS, I KNOW THAT, IM SO IN." Friends'll compliment her on things she's done, though I took all the time out of my day to help her on it, cause she wouldn't/couldn't do it alone, but I get no thanks or credit, just acts like she did it herself. She brings up personal subjects of mine that I don't want to talk about (like me doing sexual acts or something which first off is weird caus it's with her brother, so why joke about that?) infront of friends like it's a funny joke and then'll explain everyone how I get (as I'm getting embaraased/upset looking) when she does it like THAT'S a joke as well (and that also shows everyone how she "knows me so well".) She'll joke to me infront of friends how I don't wash my hair every day, so I'm just dirty and that's blahblah..though whenever we're like, alone, she'll tell me how she rarely washes her hair and stuff, hence she's dirty as well. (It's just more hypocritcal points she has, but yet made to be jokes infront of all our friends). She also speaks of how you have to be nice to everyone and just love people, etc., but yet obviously her behavior towards me is not that nice and she's blatantly told me she wouldn't date a certain guy cause he wasn't on her rating of attractiveness and she'll gossip of people's lives and say how dumb they are, etc. I admit I do this all myself, but I don't go around telling everyone I don't do these things, I admit I'm a hypocrite at times, we all are. It's just matters how MUCH you are, when it's excessive, that's horrible. A little, that's human.
But anyways, she tries to know all the facts about me and her brothers relationship, which I understand being curious, but I might not want her to know. Especially sexual facts, like I thought I was pregnant awhile back, and my boyfriend just went and told her and then I got yelled at by her for not telling her. When I confronted my boyfriend, he just told me I "sure had a "nice" tone" and that I couldn't honestly say she didn't have right to know. ...I really don't think she does, she's not dating us, it wouldn't be her baby. Maybe I could see her being told if HE himself really thought I was pregnant or if I was have a meltdown about it, but I wasn't and he wasn't, so.
I don't get frustrated with him so much at this cause I understand it's his little sister, he's always been honest with her, they're close, they've been through alot but it's just driving me insane cause I have to deal with her so much, nobody has to deal with her as much as I do, not even my boyfriend and I can't say anything to either one of them cause I get the results of "you're being a bitch", "what's with the attitude", and I admit I DO get an attitude but it's just from months of built up annoyance and anger. It's gotten to the point where I've actually lost some passion for my career (what she wants to do kind of goes along with what I want to do so it's basically said I must work on all projects with her) because she basically just turns down my ideas or just tries to change them and then when we're doing the project, she tries to control it. If she randomly decides to visit (without even asking), late at night after I get home from work, I HAVE to hang out with her which consists of just listening to her talk, when I just want to go upstairs and relax. Half these times he'll invite her over ( HE WILL, not me ) and I end up having to hang out with her anyways, he won't come along. It's like I have to hang out with a kid, but she tries to act like a controlling mother with everyone (even her brother, whose like, three years older than her) as well.
There's so many more little things like that that go on, but I'm giving the general idea. I just don't know what to do because my boyfriend and I are going to be living with her soon (we "have" to or well I "have" to in a way, her home lifes horrible and I'm not that cruel that I'd make her stay there), but I just don't know how I'm going to do it. This on top of her just being plain irresponsible with money and staying in a place. I keep going through this all in my head and telling myself I basically just have to suck it up (and I'm sure you're going to say the same) but then when I think I'm going to be able to do it, she just pulls some stunt or says some little comment and I just get sent over the edge, and it's readable on my face, so it gets to the point where my boyfriend sees I'm pissed about something but (obviously) I won't tell him what, and we get in little fits with eachother (they're easily over with in a couple minutes, more just we have serious/attitudey tones towards eachother when speaking). Especially when they're together, they like, pull together and do a brother sister thing where they jokingly rag on me, and continue it on whenever they see I'm getting pissed, about HOW i'm getting pissed and I do this all the time ( they talk to eachother about it while looking at me, but acting like I'm not actually there) DRIVES ME INSANE.
And I feel like the only other option would be to leave him, but he's my first, and I'm sure only love (we're in our 20's by the way, so this isn't a young teenage fling, we've been together for almost 2 years) and I'm not going to leave him.
Like I said, I think I pretty much know the replies I will get out of this, but I guess I just need to hear someone else say it. Or I just needed to rant to someone, (even though there's so much more I could say), or no one if nobody reads this. But any advice would be GREATLY appreciated.
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hi,
I feel the same way about my boyfriend's sister. She's divorced and now she's come and plonked herself on her brothers shoulders. ever since she arrived we don't have any privacy and she's always trying to eavesdrop on us. I feel horrible and my personal space seems to have been invaded. what's more? she checks my pockets and bags, I'm not sure what she's looking for but that behaviour humiliates me. I know she's been through a bad marriage and all but now she's trying to ruin our relationship. my boyfriend's distinct change in attitude leads me to believe that she's filling his head with horrible lies about me. I hate her. after a horrible breakup, I finally took a chance at love again n now I've got this gorgon to take care of. after a lot of thinking, I finally told my boyfriend how I feel, he said it's ok but he didn't do anything to neutralise the situation. we were so happy together. in fact he's lately taken to humiliating me in front of her.
my case is a lost cause, because if he really did love me, he would do everything in his power to not let me get hurt. but it's just getting worse. I will eventually have to leave him. I'm looking for a job outside the city to start a new life. she is after all his sister and in the legal sense I'm nothing. I don't know how much I can put up with it. but every time I'm the one who ends up hurt. its not going to go on forever.
I suggest you have a talk with your boyfriend about it. if he loves you he will make sure you don't have to confront her too much. if he does nothing then he's not worth wasting your time on. sometimes you have to be a bitch to protect your own interests. find someone without any siblings. that's your best bet.
I hope it all turns out well in the end no matter what you decide to do about it. but do something about it coz if you don't act now you will end up as her playmate/slave.
god bless you
Mallika Advani
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I am in a very similar situation with my fiancé and his sister.
I have been with my fiancé for 7 years and we are getting married next year. His sister is a year younger than us and we were all very close up until a year ago. She and I were really great friends but the things that bug you about your boyfriends sister drove me crazy about my fiancés sister too. So I understand where you are coming from. I'm not saying this will happen to you but in my situation there started to be a lot of tension between my fiancé and his sister which he would take out on me. Instead of talking to her about why he was so mad he would scream at me about it and blame me for her actions because he said as her friend I should be telling her it was wrong. It caused a lot of resentment on my end and I begun to dread hanging out with his sister. Things that she did that I use to just brush off would make me extremely angry. I guess the point I am trying to make is you could become very resentful over time. I ended my friendship with my fiancé's sister because I could no longer handle their dynamic, it made me that un-happy. Now my fiancé rarely speaks to her and it has caused a lot of tension in their tight knit family. I questioned ending my relationship with my fiancé over this but because we had been together for almost 6 years when this happened I felt like we should try to work it out. We had never had any issues like this before but it changed everything. If you are having these feelings two years into the relationship they could get worse if you can't move on from it now. I am personally struggling to get over the negative feelings I now have towards my fiancés sister that I never had before this happened. Even though my fiancé and I have talked about it and he has apologized for his actions I am still very hurt at the way he treated me in relation to his sister. People who are not in this situation will just tell you to get over it. It is not a big deal. There is nothing you can do about it. Which obviously is not helpful because it is not that easy. I guess I just wanted you to know that I understand how you feel.
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"Blood is thicker than water."
Ever heard of the saying? When you're dating your boyfriend you're kind of dating the family as well. The bond between a sister and brother is a lot closer than a boyfriend and girlfriend. A sibling is forever boyfriends and girlfriends come and go. So here are some auggestions:
One: They are brother and sister there is nothing you can do about it. The bond between them is a lot closer even more so than you and your boyfriend. That’s his family you’re his girlfriend I could see if you were his wife but that’s his sister.
Two: Maybe she needs someone to talk to. Maybe she doesn’t have any close friends. Have you ever tried talking to her and telling her how you feel? You don’t have to hang out with her. What does she have a gun to your head? If you don’t want to hang out with her don’t!
Three: You said you and his sister have become friends and you brought her into a social circle. Maybe you shouldn't hang out with her as much or maybe just hang out with her alone. People tend to be different when in groups of people than they are alone. If you feel like she is going to say things than don't take her out with you. She sounds very nosy and interested in other people. Again does she have any friends of her own? Maybe she is looking for attention or maybe a friend? Sometimes people take information that they have and tell people to make themselves feel poplar or to feel more appreciated.
A good piece of advice DON’T tell her a single thing that is going on in your life. That way she won’t talk about you and she won’t be talking/ joking in front of people. In a sense you are adding fuel to the fire. You sound like you don’t like hanging out with this girl I don’t care whether she is your boyfriend’s sister or not. If you don’t like her don’t hang out with her plain and simple.
Four: Ever thought the reason she wants to be with you and her brother is maybe she wants to feel included? Maybe you two could plan sometime for you and him to have date nights. And the other time you have maybe hang out the three of you and go see a movie or something. You have to try and find a way to separate your relationship with your boyfriend and his sister. By telling her all these things again it’s not working in your favor.
Five: You know there are some people who would kill to be in your position. There is some girl out there who would love to have a boyfriend. I know it might be annoying but again they are family and family comes first that’s just how it is. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost two years and I would never come between him and his sister. I have no problem with his sister but if I ever did I’m sure my boyfriend would side with his sister because they are siblings and I’m just the girlfriend.
Six: If you feel that uncomfortable with moving in with her than maybe you shouldn’t. If you are getting a bad feeling about it than don’t do it. You said she isn’t good with money…that’s not a good sign right there.
Seven: ‘Pickers can’t be choosers.’
You’re bothered by the sisters actions but you can’t talk to your boyfriend because he sides with her. At the end of the day you have to figure out whether or not you want to be with him. Have you talked about marriage? If you so, if you marry him you marry his family and that includes the sister. You can’t get rid of his sister no matter how hard you try. I would try talking to her or maybe to him and find a common ground. It sounds like you’re not happy so why would you stay in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy. If you want things to change you either speak up or you leave that’s all you can do. When starting this relationship you begun to know what his sister was like and the relationship that he had with her. You either can accept it or you can’t. It is what it is.
Now you need to find a way to either work it out if you really love him or you need to move on and leave the situation. Good luck!
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You need to sit down with your boyfriend and tell him that his sister's behavior is bothering you and why. It is okay that he is close with her but it's not okay if he doesn't respect the privacy of your relationship and your feelings to keep somethings private as well.
As far as your relationship with his sister, I would try to step back a little bit. You are her brother's girlfriend, You are not entitled to give her every bit of detail that goes on between you and her brother. As of course I'm sure you don't, What I am referring too is maybe you should ask your boyfriend to keep somethings between you and him. 1, If you were pregnant you both could come to an agreement of when the appropriate time would be to tell others etc. If I were you, I would try to tone down the amount of time you spend with his sister and if she brings something up about your relationship you can state " I really don't feel comfortable discussing my relationship" You have that right. Communication is important and I feel that you should let your boyfriend know that certain things he shares with his sister bother you and make you feel uncomfortable. Your boyfriend as well as his sister should learn respect...no offense
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