I went to my first school dance tonight (I'm thirteen) and I HATED every minute. I felt ugly and worthless because I didn't dance for the entire time. If you didn't have a date, it was pointless being there. Everyone else was slow dancing with their girlfriend/boyfriend and I just watched. I was really mad because my crush was dancing with the most popular girl in school. I just called my mom to come pick me up. I just cried for an hour when I got home. I hate Valentine's Day too, because I've never gotten a valentine before. I was never invited to birthday parties either. Should I just give up on my social life?
adviceman49 answered Saturday October 22 2011, 11:25 am: Wow I just don't understand kids today but then I'm old. That's right I'm really old, old enough to be your grandfather and I just don't understand the rush you kids are in to grow up. Are you going to be an old maid if you are not married with kids by the time your 14? Okay that was a joke.
Fact your 13, you are just starting your teenage years. Teenage boys of your age are the most fickle animals on this planet. They have but one thing on their minds and they go after the girls they think will give them what they want. Whether they get what they are looking for is an entirely different story.
Puberty plays havoc with both sexes but more with the female than the male. For the most part the male only has hormones to contend with. The female has hormones, her period and the changes to her body. On top of all this are the things your parents pile on; such as doing good in school, possibly caring for younger siblings, chores around the house. Then come the things you want for yourself and some of them, like boys have to wait for some other things to catch up. Such as the physical changes to your body.
In a boy the only way to tell he is going through puberty is the changing in his voice and looking for hair growing on his body under his arms and in his groin. In a girl it is easier to tell when she is maturing as her body changes, but for many girls those changes don't come exactly at the beginning of her teenage years. For some girls those changes may come as late as 17 or 18 years of age.
Somehow this is what I feel is behind your statement; "I felt ugly and worthless." If this is true please don't feel this way. Your time will come. The fact that you may not yet look like the other girls do is only temporary. Besides exterior beauty is just that, exterior. Your really beauty is what lies within. Just who and what you are.
I know that doesn't make much sense to you now but it will soon. We are not just what we are on the outside. The outside will forever change. But our inside, that what makes us who we are rarely changes. This is what men fall in love with. The outside may be what attracts us at first, but exterior attractions are only temporary if the inside is hollow then a relationship cannot happen.
Talk to mom and dad about what I have written. They can probably explain this better conversationally that I can in this forum. One thing I can tell is that you are not ugly. Far from that. You are bright and articulate something that is very rare in someone your age. Hang in there you'll find someone and it will be sooner rather than later. [ adviceman49's advice column | Ask adviceman49 A Question ]
DangerNerd answered Saturday October 22 2011, 3:12 am: The answer below makes some good points... I just wanted to add a thing or two:
Basically, when people are in a relationship they keep all the bad things to themselves... so you only get to see the happy parts at the dance.
If you could see the repeated broken hearts they are suffering as they go from one relationship to the next just because they want to have someone around to buy them things on valentine's day... you wouldn't be in the same hurry.
At 13, true love is something that doesn't usually happen. Most of the time it is people fumbling through one stupid mistake of a relationship after another.
It may look like they are having fun, but in reality when you are all 21... YOU will be the one who doesn't have the great mountain of damage and emotional baggage that they do.
When you DO find the one person who is right for you, you will not have wasted your time and your heart on people who, in the end, only hurt you.
Because you will be free of that, you will be able to offer yourself wholly to your mate, and they won't have to deal with the baggage from your past relationships.
Hopefully you can also find someone who actually stayed a kid as long as possible also.
I can promise you one thing from experience:
When you get older... you WILL look back on your 13 year old self and marvel at how incredibly stupid you were.
Nothing that matters to you now will even register as important when you are in your 20s. You will probably be embarrassed to tell anyone you know what music you listened to at 13, who you had a crush on, etc.
One last tip:
They say that your brain isn't fully developed until some time into your 20s.
Here is your tip: You need as much brain development as possible to make any decent relationship possible.
Ok, ok... this really is the last tip:
As for the rest of socializing, it is important to figure out who you are. What are you interested in? What are you going to do for a living?
Find clubs and hobbies that you are interested in and get involved! If you are around people who like the same things you like, you will be shocked at how much easier it is to make lasting friendships. :-)
Ohm and as for dances... it is ok to go with a friend. For example: If you happen to get into a club at school, you can ask one of your male friends if they would like to go.
If you worry about figuring out who you are before you complicate your life by sharing it with somebody else... then you will have a better chance at a lasting relationship.
LostAngel answered Saturday October 22 2011, 1:29 am: Your only thirteen, calm down. It's going to be okay. Not everyone gets to have the life they see everyone having. I am 21, I never had a boyfriend for Christmas, Valentine's Day, or my birthday. Or even a date for both my Junior and my Senior Prom.
Does it suck? Yes.
Am I jealous and hurt by it? Yes.
Is it the end of the world? No. Because I know down the road there is a guy who knows I'm worth every penny he spends on me and won't break up with me for 3 months where Christmas, Valentine's and my birthday fall.
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