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Why am I afraid to commit to everything? major problems
Homework, relationships (platonic. I can't even get past the friend stage, I'm afraid of not finding the right guy), and other general life things. I can't reach my goals and I'm just fed up because this has been a growing problem these past 3 years and I'm just sick of myself and I socially isolate myself even though I desire friendship from others (I just can't comprise who I am in the process.. I feel like I'm different from everyone in my town. I've been living here for 3 years and I still feel like an outcast) and try to be nice (but then sometimes I feel like I'm being mean or awkward, even when I'm trying to be nice, friendly, and pretend everythings ok. I'm 17 and a senior if that makes a difference. i've essentially f***ed up my high school years and i'm just so g9ep0oej. im not suicidal or anything but im just so sick of repeating the same stupid mistakes and getting further into procrastination and perfectionism to where I can't even accomplish anything anymore. like i planned on fixing mistakes this year and I'm nearly about to fail a lot of classes this first semester. im intelligent, and interested in world affairs and everything but I just self-sabotage and limit myself. I have big dreams but I have so much trouble starting them.. and I don't know why. here I am on the internet because I literally have no one to talk to about this. my parents would just criticize me (I'm very sensitive to being overtly criticized) and I have no friends in this town. I feel like I rely on other people too much, though. like I see relationships in a practical way almost but I don't like it. I'm too rigid at school when I'm really fun and everything like at home or w/e. nobody at school really knows me yet. and it's been 3 years! what do i do what do i do what do i do. i cant live like this my whole life, i have too big, yet attainable (if I can work hard) dreams
I'm so socially awkward with relationships I don't even know how to harness friends that I can hang out with or anything, from school. I haven't hung out with anyone from school (outside of school activities) since 10th grade, and I'm currently in 12th grade. that's how bad it is. family friends is easier, but i still rarely meet with them. like i've missed homecoming, prom, etc cause i feel like i dont have anyone to hang out with and I dont want to feel lonely or like i have to cling to someone else or w/e. im just a basketcase right now and its ridiculous. i feel like i cant relate to other people very well because a lot of people have lived in this texas town all their life, or in nearby towns, but i've just come here from the northeast and i've lived abroad and traveled abroad.. so i have totally diff music interests (indie.. people only listen to lamestream here), and etc (like i'm very interested in world events and i cant even hold a convo with most people about current things
I feel like people want to pigeonhole me into a stereotype, too, because I'm black. like I feel they think it's weird im not into "black stereotypical" things when it's just what I like.. I don't understand how it's so hard to think that people are unique and not caricatures of racist ideas
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One of the worst things we as parents can ever do to our children is pick up and move during their high school years. Sometimes it is unavoidable as job situations change and transfers or relocation's become necessary.
While the adult acclimates well the teenager faces many problems. If a relocation takes you into another area of the country there is a culture problem, and of course there is the different accents. The biggest problem is fitting in. The kids in school have, for the most part, been together since grade school or at least since the coming to this school from their respective middle schools. They all have their clicks and friends groups and unfortunately they are not open bringing new people into their group(s).
The fact that you are Black should not enter into the problem but it does. Especially in certain parts of the mid-west where Blacks and non-whites are truly a minority.
First and foremost you need to get out from under this cloud of depression you are under. Talking with a therapist should help. While talking with the therapist or on your own make a list of things that interest you. Such as Hiking, Photography. Your interested in World Events, Possible Politics as well. These things all have clubs you can join. We have a major election coming up with candidates for federal and possibly state and local offices as well where you live.
Several years ago I was an assistant campaign manger for someone running for the U.S. Senate. We always needed campaign help and were grateful for anyone who volunteered especially teenagers.
Be it a high school sanctioned club or a club meeting in your church, a political campaign or something else that interests you. The interest in the subject is the common denominator for finding people to talk to a build friendships with. Given your interest in World events and the fact that teenagers are needed and wanted to help get the young vote out. I would suggest you start the as this would be a place, in a federal campaign you are most likely to find young people at or near your age with a common interest.
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i think you need to get outside yourself maybe start by being helpful ?take some time to do something for someone else to get out of urself.smile at ppl more .maybe make a gratitude list everyday.acceptance of ppl places things."if i focus on a problem,the problem increases,if i focus on the answer,the answer increases."the movie/doc"the secret"really lifechanging too.
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