|
super self concious about my body and it is ruining my relationships
I've been modeling for years now, wouldn't you think I'm super into myself and love what I see in the mirror? Wrong. I'm SO ridiculously self-concious it ruined my last relationship. I loved my ex boyfriend so much but we rarely had sex just because i was always said no. Obviously I want to because I love him, it's just I can't stand being naked and i have no confidence in the bedroom and he didn't understand that so he left me and it hurts but anyways I was wondering how to become comfortable in my own skin and not be so nervous about getting intimate?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Part of the problem is the business you're in. You are essentially merchandising your looks for cash. Nothing wrong with that because we all do it in one form or another. It's just that modeling is perhaps an extreme form of that. As a result, you get used to constantly analyzing your looks for flaws and you're wary of how judgmental not only the camera is, but since women tend to pick at themselves anyway you also worry about what those who view your images or look at you from an audience as you strut down a runway are thinking. Women tend to be very sensitive about what others think.
You may also be fed up with being looked at and scrutinized all the time and because you can't rebel against that professionally, the only sphere to do so is in your personal life.
The solution to this is to compartmentalize your profession from your personal life. In other words, separate in your mind what you have to do for your job and that which is necessary to relate to other folks, especially those you love. Try to keep things simple. Have a "model mode" for work and a "regular person mode" for your social life. Know that your boyfriend has an entirely different agenda from the people you work for when you do modeling jobs. Your boyfriend wants the total you, not just that which will be obvious in a camera image or at a fashion show.
The problem, of course, is that your boyfriend may feel he is being punished for your psychologically becoming kinda gun shy about t he constant scrutiny of your body and face when it isn't his fault. You can leave your modeling career behind so that you will no longer feel so stressed about having to look like a million bucks all the time and can be with someone who is a lot more forgiving than the camera or a fashion designer or you can compartmentalize.
Remember that the greatest enemy of any woman is to overthink. Relax, keep things simple, don't pick at yourself, and that your boyfriend sees you in a more holistic way than the fashion crowd does.
]
I would say you are typical of what I know of most models. While they are full of confidence fully clothed in front of the camera, naked they are totally self-conscious. Not being a doctor I can't really put a reason to this. If I had to guess it would be that any perceived flaws are hidden by the clothes or corrected by the airbrush and make up.
Two things to think about. First: By the time you and your BF make it to the bedroom to make love he is well past the outer you. The facial beauty and more into the beauty of who the real you is. The person that lies just beneath the skin.
Second: The flaws you think are there or even if they are there for real don't really matter at this point. He is making love to you, the intellectual you. There are plenty of guys out there that can pick up a girl at a party or bar take them home and jump into bed with them. These guys are not making love to the intellectual person, they are making love to the body. Quite frankly if they had not found a girl to bed there fist or a not hole would have been just as good.
When a guy takes the time to get to know you your body becomes insignificant. Sure a beautiful women gets her pick of available men. But less pretty women then you also find partners. Why is this so. Mostly because when a man is looking for a life partner he is looking for more than a sex partner, more than a trophy wife. He is looking for an intellectual equal.
This is why I said if you have taken the time to get to know one another before getting into bed with each other. Your boyfriend is making love to you not your body. He has gone past the physical beauty that first attracted him to you and is now exploring the intellectual and sexual side of you.
The only other thing I can suggest is you seek out a therapist who can better help you with what I have very clumsily tried to say. I truly feel there is nothing wrong with you or your body other than a perception. The problem with perception is that if you perceive something it becomes real.
]
when your home alone,dance crazy naked in front of your mirror pull funny faces.when your in bed maybe dim the lights or have them off and spend a lot of time under sheets kissing and cuddling.if you dont feel ready maybe go down on him or stroke him.. take it slowly.
]
More Questions: |