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REL;ATIONSHIP DOOMED OR NOT?
Hi,
Here's the question. I've been with my bf for almost 3 yrs now.. and as far as I think.. it seems to be going pretty well..We have even talked about getting married etc...Anyways.. I asked my bf a long while ago how come in all this time I have never been able to come over to your house.. ie: see it or hang out there.. He says that he lives in a small shack kinda condo and is embarrassed to take me there.. Mind u he's seen my place and all. and I'm not ashamed to bring him there.. He comes over all the time.. I just egnored it and thought ok whatever.. then I realized his cousin and his family come over all the time and he has no issues with it so why me.. and secondly.. he always says to me to make more of an effort to get along with his mom... which I try but it works both ways too. not one sided.. and Thanks Giving is coming up.. how come she invited his cousin's family and not me.. I am so confused.. what do I think.. what do I do? does she really like me? does he really want me mixing in with his family? Does he really see a future for us? or just playing me along giving me high hopes... any ideas? I'm soo stressed..
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I think you might be reading way to into this. I tend to hang out mroe at my boyfriend's hosue than I do my own not because I'm ashamed its just how it works out most of the time. Why should it matter where you're hanging out as long as you're with each other. Ever heard of the expression 'blood is thicker than water'. His cousin goes to his house because that's his family!
Well what si your relationship with his mother? Do you talk to her? Don't put the blame game on her what can you do to make the relationship with his mom better?
Thanskgiving is usually a holiday where families get together. I never hang out with my boyfriend on Thanksgiving because that's my time to be with my family. I love his family but I want to spend time with mine of the holidays.
I think in the end you NEED to talk to your boyfriend because these questions you're asking can only be answered by him. If you don't feel right about thigns let him know and communicate. Communication and trust are the two things you need most in a relationship. Good luck!
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I understand that it's fishy that he's not letting you see his house, as this could be signs of a double life. However I think that it's a good sign that he wants for you to get along with his mother, to me that shows that he wants for you to be included in family events, and rules out the fact that he's living a double life. Guys want to do things to impress their girlfriends, and he may be afraid of you judging him based on what his house looks like, as silly as it sounds after three years of dating.
You really do need to work out these issues with his mom, for most men their mother is an extremely important person in their lives. When his mother says nasty things to you, put a smile and just ignore it. If she says something to you that you find insulting don't say anything back, I know it's hard to do but fighting with his mother is really bad news.
If you are curious as to why she didn't invite you to Thanksgiving, why don't you call her? Do you not know her phone number? Call her and tell her that you know that the two of you don't get along and you think it's time to put your differences behind you, you've spoken to her son and it bothers him that the two most important women in his life aren't getting along very well, and ask her how come she didn't invite you to their house for Thanksgiving. Let her know that the two of you are both major parts of his son's life, and if she can tolerate you for Thanksgiving it would probably mean A LOT to her son.
Best of luck and if you decide to follow my advice, give me feedback and let me know if I helped you at all.
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