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Yeah You’re right about the wrong type of attention. But at least they’ve got the attention to give them the confidence or where would that come from?
Yeah I have seen the not so cute guy with the hot girl but I don’t know about me. Maybe I don’t have an attractive personality? And don’t know how to get comfy in situations, and yes I always feel weird when someones looking at me. Because one I don’t know why they are and I also cannot even keep looking at the person. I always look away. And can you tell my confidence level lacks.
If I’m such a sweet person why doesn’t anyone like that?
I’m going to try and go out more and have fun with friends. I’m going to work hard at this, I really am. I really want to change.
So having a social life, is the answer to my happiness? That’s it?
inviting interaction is hard, I’m not good at it.
About the tutor if I ask him out won’t it turn things weird? To the point where it’s awkward and he doesn’t want to tutor me anymore? It’s worse if he doesn’t want to go out with me. Especially since this is in an area with other tutors and students are around and can be listening, it’s not in a separate room or anything. And I have a huge crush on this guy not at all close to love I don’t even know him. I really do, I keep talking about him to the friends I do have. I try not to but once I like someone I think way to into it. So I need to chill a bit I guess. I want to get to know him outside the tutor session but if he gives me that opportunity. Its going to get awkward for both of us if the attraction isn’t mutual. And I wouldn’t even want to ask him in front of everyone I would probably end up whispering. How do you give a guy your number? That’s such a desperate move. Isn’t it?
Time flys when im with him. Like when im with him I wish time went slow, I can only go to him once a week cause that’s when he is there. So I guess im already starting to miss him. Like seriously.
Will people ever see what I have to offer as a person?
and yess I will work on smiling more in general, not just around that tutor or guys in general.
And I really think you’d make the best therapist in the future. I think your amazing at it. Maybe someday I’ll be a patient to you, but who knows. I think its something your good at and you should go into it because you can help a lot of people through problems they have like you did with me. Therapists should be appreciated a lot more but to tell you the truth im scared of them. I know what you tell them is completely private but if you give them the therapist name its scares me! And I don’t know its hard to describe how I feel about it.
annashae
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Christ girl, you need to calm down, act more, and think alot less.
Confidence comes from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. It can come from love and affection, it can come from accomplishment, experience, even learning from failure. But most of all it has to come from inside, you have to like yourself enough to just assume that other people (at least some of them) will like you and talk to people with that in mind. Rather than "everyone is a chance to get hurt" you approach the world from a "this person might be really cool, we might get along well, I might have a new great friend" and being ok when that isn't the case.
This is why I brought up therapy. I can give you all the advice in the world but I cannot do a damn thing to help you like yourself or to actively foster self confidence that doesn't come in from the outside.
So yeah, for what help I am able to give a social life is key. I cannot really help you find your own inner confidence because I never had to work out that part for myself. All of my inner fears, insecurities, and self loathing was introduced to me from the outside, rather than being unconfident and teaching myself/being taught to like myself I liked myself and was taught not to. So I really have no idea how to go about that process from your perspective, and suggested therapy because maybe a professional would have alot more good ideas in that regard.
On the tutor, things get weird if you make them wierd. I've asked out girls and continued to be friends with them. They weren't naturally uncomfortable with it, I didn't give a shit because my feelings aren't hurt by "you're cool, but I'm just not into you in that way" rejections, and so we could just hang out. For you, I couldn't say. If you make it uncomfortable, if he makes it uncomfortable, it could get wierd.
That's called risk, and if you hope to date someone without taking a few you're screwed completely.
Will people see what you have to offer? I have. You've opened up around me. But internet is easier to do that with than real life, so you need to go out and practice real life. Realize that social interaction isn't easy for most people, and that everyone practices it, fucks it up, gets it right, learns from mistakes, etc. That's where that social life comes in. Friends make practicing, learning, etc easier. People to tell you that your fuck up wasn't so bad, or that it was but you should learn x, y, and z from it. People to like you even when you're frustrated with yourself and the world around you.
And seriously, think less. Analyze less. You really haven't got a clue about what's going on, so just blunder your way through situations instead of trying to figure them out before hand.
In other words, the next time you see the tutor, ask him out. I don't care how awkward it is, how badly you stutter and stumble. Push yourself. If he isn't interested, tell him (don't ask, tell) that he's an awesome tutor and that outside of wanting to go out to dinner that he helps you and you'd like to keep coming to see him for help with classes.
Note. The above "tell him" isn't about telling him what will happen, it's about telling him what you want. Assertiveness is about expressing yourself clearly. You don't have to dictate what he will do, you dictate what you want to do. You set in no uncertain terms that "unless you object this is what I will do/think/want".
You seem like the kind of person who'd waffle around "is it ok if I still see you?" and insert all kinds of "if you don't want to that's ok" comments and stuff. That's bad. Instead you just flat out declare "I want this" and let them respond to that statement. Don't ask if he has a girlfriend, don't beat around the bush, just "hey, so I've been meaning to tell you, I think you're cute and I'd like to go out to dinner and wear something low cut for you to glance at" or something equally expressive but more suited to your shy demeanor.
Work on doing that more in your life in general (the expressing, not the wearing things that are low cut)
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