|
Can't get over him. He leaves and comes back, over and over.
18/f
Me and my ex-boyfriend broke up 3 months ago. We were together for 14 months... 17 if you include the 3 months. We were acting like we were practically together. We acted like a couple, just without the status. There was a pattern, where he would say that he is going to stop talking to me, and then a day or two later, he talks to me again. He says he doesn't want to do anything physical, and he's going to "draw the line." And the line disappears and it happens. And while all of this is happening, he says that he knows for a fact that he will never ever ask me to be his girlfriend again. Especially since he's starting to get busier with school, and he's now president of an organization at a university. He also mentions that he wants me to move on, and etc. I felt like it's just a pattern, even his friends noticed it. And I realized that I wanted to move on, soo badly, because what if one day he does wake up one day and moved on? And I'm still attached to him? I didn't want to feel even more crushed than before.
So today, when we were cuddling, he gave me a couple of kisses. And all the sudden, POOF! He said he's going to make things right, got up, got dressed, and said to me that I should save everything else for my next boyfriend. And I asked him what made him think like that all the sudden, he said he's been thinking about it everytime we cuddle, kiss, or etc. And that the reason why he was saying it like it was nothing, shows how much he thought about it. I was caught off guard, because he told me he loved me and missed me a couple of seconds before he said anything. I didn't really cry, because I was used to it. But yet, I was crushed on the inside... That feelings where you think it really is over, and what will I do if it is.
I noticed that I have no intention in meeting other guys, I tried. And none caught my attention. Some confessed they liked me, but I couldn't like them. I'm too caught up with my ex-boyfriend. He was gone for 3 weeks, and he was always in the back of my mind. I was missing him. And he realized that he missed me more than he expected, and came back again. He would come back when he notices that I'm moving on, and when he does, I give him that security he wants, and he does it all over again! I'm stupid for letting this happen, I'm stupid for letting this little hope get to me, thinking that maybe things will be different. Maybe, things will get better. Maybe, he will come back.
I'm sick of being paranoid, of worrying, of being scared. I'm tired of him doing all of this. But I feel like I'm slowly dying on the inside when he's not next to me. He's someone that I would want to keep in my life. It's one of those feelings, when you know that deep inside, you KNOW that both of you had a huge impact on each other... And there will always be some feelings left towards them. What am I supposed to do?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I can relate to what you are going through, and I know how painful it can be. I am experiencing something very similar, now. It is so hard, when you have such strong feelings of emotion, for the person who is hurting you. First, you are not stupid at all! Just in love with the wrong person. I can't say for sure, but it sounds, as if your guy already has someone else, and is feeling guilty when he is with you. Making statements that are endearing towards you, and then cancelling them out with ones that are contradicting, makes me think he's feeling remorseful about his actions. It is so amazing, with some caressing, and the right words, how men can make us woman, feel so desirable, and loved. Unfortunately, desire is just desire. It is not love. You see? Woman are creatures of emotion, where men are visual creatures. A man sees and desires, and generally speaking, that's all. Meaning, we are not on their minds again, until the thought to satisfy their sexual desire returns. This is the typical male, and of course, does not apply, to every man specifically. You wonder if he really does have feelings for you? First, ask yourself these questions, and I think, they will bring some clarity, to finding the answer. If the tables were tuned, and you were the one, doing the coming and going? What do you think you would be feeling for that person, at the time you were doing it? Would you do that, to someone that you cared for? Do you think, you would be able to repeatedly do the same thing, over, and over to him? I think, you need to take some time, and think about your answers to those questions. Then, let the realization of things sink in, hold your head high, and tell this guy to kick rocks! You deserve honesty, and respect. Nothing less! It is all a part of lifes learning experience. You learn how to and how not to treat others. You learn who and what you are about. So don't beat yourself up about anything, just recognize and learn from your mistakes. Don't keep going through the same thing in future relationships. Respect, and truth are the keys to ensure you of your success in your relationships. Never settle for less! You will get passed this, as will I, in time. Be strong!
]
This guy is USING you. He is the one with the issues; he can't make up his mind. He wants a girlfriend, then again he doesn't. It sounds like he has an idea of what life he wants, but then when it doesn't go right or he gets lonely, he comes to you.
By letting him do this to you, you are making it okay. You are letting him think he will always have you to depend on. It shows that he does not respect you.
You need a clean break. I know it's hard, because I'm your age and I've been in a relationship for 15 months. I've had a few times where I want to break up with him, but then I feel like I can't be without him.
But you can be without him, you can date other people. You just need enough time away to realize that. Each time you go back to him makes it harder.
I think you should take his advice and get away. Stop talking to him, stop seeing him. Ignore him if you have to. Spend more time with friends, start a new activity or hobby, go to a party and dance/flirt with new guys, and maybe even have some flings. Once you start something with a new guy, even if it's just a one time hook up, your mind will get off of your ex. I promise.
Maybe this time apart will let him know that he really does miss you, and that you deserve better. Hopefully you will realize that you can get better.
Basically, if you don't make a change you will remain in this pattern that is keeping you unhappy. So think about the best choice for you, not the easiest choice.
-Good luck,
-Abby
]
He's using you for his convenience and you are allowing him to use you.
You will never get over him as long as you are in contact with him and allow him to step over the boundaries. This guy told you too move on, Whether he is playing mind games or not take his word for it and move on. Stop playing his childish mind games. If you want a real relationship then you need to go out there and find the right person but too allow baggage to get you down isn't going to help you. You are attached because you don't allow yourself to move forward, Stop allowing him to crawl back too you. If you need to and find it best then cut contact with him you may actually find the moving on process to be a lot faster than you think.
]
More Questions: |