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Am I overthinking this?
It takes a lot for me to ask for help and I'm not really sure who to talk to about this so I figured I'd see who has the best answer for me. Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we got engaged new years eve. We have a great relationship, I'm very comfortable with him and we have a lot of things in common. However, we do have our issues, like every couple out there.
This is something that has bothered me for quite some time now. He had a female friend who he had a one night stand with after they had both gotten out of a long term relationship. This was before he even met me. He explained this to me before we dated and said it was a mistake. This friend of his happened to be the girl my ex boyfriend cheated on me with. So as if that wasn't bad enough she was a horrible person. Rude, trashy, used my boyfriend for rides to her friends house. Numerous things that makes me sick to think about to this day.
At first I didn't say anything to my boyfriend, I didn't want to tell him who he can and can't talk to. A situation occurred later on that was the final straw for me. I told him how uncomfortable I was when he hung out with her. They eventually went their separate ways which couldn't have made me happier. Well I figured my problems were over since she was out of the picture.
Now there's this other girl who he used to talk to at work where we met. I had known her sister pretty well but I had only met her twice. She's one of those people that only talks to you when she has nothing better to do which is what I gathered so far. So out of no where last year she asks my fiance to go to the movies with her at 10 at night alone. Now call me old fashioned, call me ridiculous all you want but doesn't that sound completely odd? Well I basically flipped out, I said how how dare she ask you to go to the movies with her alone at night when she knows when we are in a relationship? I know that I would never do something like that and I don't know anyone who would.
Now my fiance is completely oblivious, he doesn't see anything wrong with this. He says well I haven't seen her in a long time, we are just friends there's no harm in it. So we happen to walk into her sister that same day and I told her what happened. She even agreed with me that it was odd. After I had explained why it was inappropriate for the thousandth time, my fiance finally said I guess I can see your point. Why don't you come with us and her sister ended up going as well. The night consisted of us sitting in the theater in silence. I mostly spoke to her sister and she barely said anything. It was awkward, I didn't know what the point of this was. So even though she seemed okay, she was too quiet I wasn't sure what her intentions were. So that happened last October and for some reason she starts talking to my fiance this time of year. She will ignore him all year then all of a sudden talk to him and ask us to go to the movies.
Well it's that time of year again and now, she's apparently inviting me now. So now we are supposed to go with her this Saturday which I'm not too thrilled about. Maybe I'm reading too much into it but its weird, me, him and her going to the movies together. Especially since I don't believe she is a true friend. He says I am being ridiculous, which I probably am but she has done things I don't like. She's asked him to go to the movies a few times alone and will text him randomly late at night when she starts talking to him again. I just find the situation odd and I really don't like it. I trust my finance, I don't think that anything is going on but I find it inappropriate. So now I am forced to go with them this weekend and I just know its going to be awkward. I feel like this is a silly teenage problem that shouldn't be happening.
I think my main problem is I really don't know her, the only things I do know are negative things. I honestly don't want to get to know her and I think that's my other issue. They haven't been friends for a long time and I don't want them to start again basically. I know this sounds horrible but it's ridiculous and random I guess. I wish I could say that I was just jealous but I honestly don't think that is the issue. I just find it strange that she all of a sudden comes around when she wants to and imposes on us.
This is keeping me awake at night, giving me bad dreams. Basically making me crazy, and I was never like this. Even though I know it's innocent, it's just a freakin' movie, I don't like it. I just need someone to tell me I'm not crazy, that this is normal to feel this way. And that I'm probably making more of a big deal than it has to be. That is something I will admit, I read into things far too much and I wish I didn't. It just seems to cause me more issues for me.
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I'll give you a guys point of view on this.
First: I don't think your crazy. If this person was a long time friend I wouldn't think much of it. We are all entitled to our friends of either sex, this includes you.
Second: It is strange the way she is on again off again in her desire to see your fiance. She is intruding on you since she seems to blow hot and cold at her convenience and is making no attempt to be friends with you.
Third: If the situation was reversed an it was you seeing a guy in this manner, I believe what I would do id take him aside and say something to the effect of. Look you and I are not friends. You blow hot and cold. You are intruding on my relationship with my future wife and I do not appreciate it. If you want to be OUR friends then you need to be more than a fair weather type acquaintance. Jill (to pick a name) is off the market. We are getting married so unless you want to be friends with both of us I would like you to disappear.
It is up to you as too how you want to handle this. Your fiance may be just too nice a guy to tell her to take a hike, especially since she is the sister of a friend of yours.
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You're not crazy, and it IS normal to feel that way. If you don't trust her, get to know her. Go to lunch with her and your fiance. That way you can see if there is anything between them. And the main detail here is that you need to trust him. If something "bad" is going to happen, they would DEFINITLY NOT notify you about it. It would be sneeky, BUT he's even asking you for permission pretty much. Take a breather. Go out with your friends while he goes out with his. And remember YOU NEED TO TRUST HIM!!
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