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busdriver continued..continued
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What you have said has helped a lot. To know you have been through the same tells me ill move on because you have been able to, so why can’t I? Are you and that girl still friends today? Like did you work anything out?
But yeah, you’re right about everything you said in your previous answer, and as much as I don’t want any of what you said to be the truth it is. Don’t delete your answer because every time I feel weak on my journey in moving on I’ll come back and read what you said and it will give me courage like it did this morning after I read it. Thanks so much!
I will force myself to move on because I know me and this bus driver will never be. I don’t want him to take up all my thoughts anymore. I have school to worry about, if I want to go into medicine. And I’m sick of all the pain and hurt it gives me.
Like you said you dated even when you didn’t want to, I want to. I want to find there are many good souls in this world, not just my high school bus driver. I don’t know how to put myself out in the dating world. I’m so shy too which is why it’s worse. I need to be around other guys before I get depressed if I am not already.
I will work on loving who I am, because I know I need to. Thank your wife for her awesome bucket example, it made a lot of sense.
So on this journey towards moving on, I know there is a place I can start now.
In my chemistry class, I’ve noticed this guy who is kind of cute and I think I might want to get to know him. This class started three weeks ago & I noticed him looking at me a couple times in lab and lecture. He has never talked to me in lecture though. We don’t sit by each other in lab or lecture either, he sits by his own guy friend in lecture and well lab seats are assigned. Whenever he like came by me he’d be like whudd up and I haven’t seen him do it to other girls in class. And I’d get nervous and say something dumb. He’s asked me that like twice, and we had like a short convo once but that’s it. He seems funny. I like his smile, and I want to tell him. But isn’t that creepy if we don’t even know each other well. I’m not even sure he knows my name, and I don’t know his. I don’t know how to make conversation with him, so I can’t go up to him. I’m probably no better at flirting because I’m new to this dating thing. Help please? I don’t just want to keep smiling at him and come off as a creep or like push him away by coming off too strong. With the bus driver the flirting came natural but with this guy I don’t even know how to talk to him, let alone just smile. And the funny thing is a lot of people and I mean a lot, tell me I am always smiling and happy, but funny how much pain a person can hide with a smile. Anyway I want to get over this bus driver now I’m ready to. So I want to get to know this guy and I need your help. I feel like what I’m asking for help here is similar to what a middle school girl asks, so embarrassing.
Thanks a million for all you have said so far, it has made me feel a lot better than before I read it. NONE of it was harsh, it was the truth and I needed to hear it.
Annashae
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, consider therapy. There are many therapists out there and you might find one who you just feel comfy around enough to open up to. As much as you said you don't like opening up look at everything you've posted to me? The internet makes that easier, but given a little patience I see no reason why you couldn't find a therapist who could help you.
Consider asking your parents. At 19 if they have health insurance and you're covered, therapy might be too. If you come around to thinking it might be worth a shot, look into your options and don't just give up hope because you couldn't pay for it yourself at 19. Remember you don't have to tell anyone else why you want therapy in order to get it, including your parents.
Onto the rest. The bitterness must be opposed by force of will. Lashing out is natural, it is a vent for your negative emotions, you need to find a better one. Run, punch a punching bag, blow some people up in a video game, ride a bike, talk to someone, scream into a pillow. There are many ways which don't harm others to give vent to your negative emotions. At it's heart, though, it's about stopping yourself in the moment and saying "this person doesn't deserve this from me" and taking a deep breath.
That's all about practice. I was an emotional black hole when I met my wife, wounded and fucked up beyond all belief because I hated my parents. I took alot of my insecurities and abandonment issues out on her. I had to get upset with myself for allowing the behavior and stop it. Once I stopped myself from taking things out on her and everyone else around me, I was able to refocus those negative energies down safe passages where I could vent without it turning me into a raging asshole.
Last, let's talk about the guy in Chem.
Smiling is good. It's positive reinforcement. You may be so mixed up that he has no idea what's going on in your head, but if he feels like he makes you smile at least it'll encourage him to indulge any interest he has in figuring you out.
You can compliment a guy without swooning at him. Tell him he's cute when he smiles. If you don't remember his name, ask him. Seriously, tell him you can't for the life of you remember his name, and you want to. Thank him when he tells you and remember it. Complain to him about how you haven't seen this or that movie and you so want to and everyone you know is busy and hope he takes a hint, ask him what kind of food he likes and get him to talk about himself, push the convo towards date activities that you might like to do to. Search for common ground and flat out drop the suggestion that you should go do whatever it is you both like together.
A few well chosen compliments and some conversation and a hint or two should work just fine. It's OK to be up front, you need the practice with interaction anyway and most guys are so surprised by an up front girl that they're too busy to notice if you were a little awkward in your delivery.
Bottom lining it, if he's attracted to you and you make it clear you're attracted to him, and he's single, you can probably get him to go out with you pretty easily.
Last for real, expand your friends circle. Even if this guy isn't interested in dating, see if he has friends and you can hang out with them. Chat up a girl or two around you and see if you can hang out with them too. Try to find a group of friends you can feel comfy around and integrate yourself into the group. The easiest way to seem attractive to people is to be with a group of people who you like and who like you. It lets you relax, feel like you're on your own turf when interacting with new people, even if it's you and five or six people at a huge party where none of you know anyone else. It gives you a place to showcase that you can be a cool person, which will make you attractive to others and smooth out the wrinkles in awkward first meetings.
Plus, if you get really cool with your friends they can build you up to guys and drop the hints you're too shy to. Nothing gets a guys attention like one of your girlfriends telling him "yeah, she thinks your ass looks great".
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