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Going through a tough time..
Hey guys,
I haven't asked for advice on here in a while. I guess I thought I was somewhat invincible,I thought I could handle all my problems on my own but now I realize I can't.
I need advice. I'm going through a lot right now.
Ok where to begin.. I turned 18 recently and with that came a whole new set of responsibilities ones I was looking forward to. College, living on my own, opening my own bank account working part time learning to drive. Basically being independent.
But something awful happened the night of my birthday. I had a party with family and friends in my house. Then afterwards we headed out clubbing. My friends drink got spiked and she was voilently sick. I lost my camera that my boyfriend had bought me too and I was just a mess. Im very responsible when I head out so when all this happened I kept beating myself up over how irresponsible I was. Usually Im the one who doesn't let her hair down. Seeing as it was my 18th birthday I felt I deserved to have a good time?but anyway Afterwards I had like a mini melt down. I was completely tripping and hallucinating.I was totally irrational.My family were so worried they brought me to the doctors and it turned out my drink was spiked too. The doctors said I have a gene that reacts badly to drugs. So even if I wanted to which i would NEVER I can't do drugs.
I'm still trying to come to terms with what happened. Me and my friend are really lucky we are here To tell the story. Its just so hard because on top of that I received my exam results,which were fantastic because I worked so hard. But im finding it so hard to be happy about anything. I decided to defer college until next year but I feel so numb.
I feel angry but I have no face to direct my anger towards. This should have been the most exciting time of my life and instead I feel a shadow of myself.
Im happy about my decision to stay home and recover because what happened knocked my confidence massively.
I feel im not good at anything. Im reflecting too much on things also.
I feel like I deserve everything thats happened to me,as some sort of punishment for the mistakes I made in the past. How ridiculous is that?!
I live in Ireland and the exam system is different from the u.s you are awarded points for each grade. The points are out of 600. I got 495. 60 above what I needed for my first college choice. However I didn't get my first choice because I missed out with a requirement in english. The course required a B and I got a C. This devastated me even more on top of everything else. English was always my best subject. I got an A in my trial exams. Anyway you can appeal results over here so I have sent my exam back to be rechecked (our school was very unhappy overall with the way english was graded)
So that was another blow to my confidence even though I did so well in all my other subjects. Better than I expected. I have soo much coming up this year that I should be looking forward to but I feel so down. I'm usually a very bubbly outgoing person. I don't want to end up becoming a reserved shy and reclusive person. How do I get through all this?
How do I stop beating myself up for my mistakes?
I feel like a bad person. I feel this is karma for all the silly things I did when I was younger?
Is it normal to feel this way?
Sorry this is long any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated!
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i don't mean to be rude, but whatever is going on right now is nothing compared to what could be going on. i know how you feel, being dragged down into a phunk, but this is how you snap yourself out of it: stop pitying yourself and feel thankful. you and your friend's drink might have been spiked, but neither of you died or got raped. you may have not made perfect grades, but you passed. you may not be able to go to your first choice of colleges, but thats why its called a "first" choice. don't you have other colleges you want to go to? that wasn't the only one, right? you have an entire year to figure it out. and even then, nothing ever turns out the way you wanted it to. i wanted to be moved out, have a job i loved, plenty of money, and have a good boyfriend by the time i was this age. but i'm still living with my parents, i'm single, and i have a dead-end job. anyway, i'm really not trying to offend you. but you need to realize that nothing is perfect, and this is going to be the most stressful year of your teenage life. things are going to turn out a bit differently than you planned. and consider yourself lucky for what you do have. in my eyes, you're extremely lucky.
good luck.
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First off I have been where you are. for the last year i felt that it was my mistakes that screwed me over and that I deserved everything that is coming to me,. even now i sometimes feel that way but you have to understand my dear that was not your fault at all!
The fact that you are sooo in control of everthing, and anything in your life gives you a feel of balance,. control and sanity.
Because that one little pill or liquid what ever it may have been knocked everything you knew out and put in hallucinations,.
You just need to take a few deep breaths,. relax and look yourself in the mirror and think. This is not at all my fault. Do that 3 times everysingle day. And you will start realizing it.
Spiked drinks can happene to anyone. Maybe try talking to someone about it like a theropist. i tried a few different theropists before i actually found peace.
Hope this helps:)
~Jasmine*
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