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Why would someone kill themselves if they loved you?
My fiancee' recently committed suicide, he was on a large amount of mental meds, to keep from dinking, and he bacame paranoid and not himself. He first disappeared for four days, and then we found his body. I din't think he meant to do it, because he never seemed like the type of person. Anyway we were having major problems after being together for four years and it was coming to the point that we needed to seperate, because the argueing was out of control. I felt I had fallen out of love with him because of his destructive nature. He told me he was dying of a broken heart because of me. Because he felt I no longer loved him, but he said he loved me more than any person ever would.I believed him because he did everything for me. Why would a person who says they love you sooo much take their own life? Why would he cause me all this grief and pain if he really loved me? Plus we have five children, four mine one 10 month old his. Why did he do it to where we would find him? Why didn't he leave a note? I dont think he really meant to do it. Yes I am seeking counseling, but others opinions are important as a third party feedback source.
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Having been in his place but thankfully saved from it a few times, I might be able to explain.
This will sound strange, but he may have believed that he was saving you. People who are depressed and not all there due to paranoia feel worthless. He was causing you pain by arguing, and as someone who loves you very much may have felt that he should protect you from it in any way possible. Thinking processes aren't all there when you're in that sort of state. In fact, one of my attempts was in the same sort of situation.
You're doing the right thing by getting counseling. If any of your children are old enough to understand what's going on, make sure they get in too.
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I'm sorry for your loss. I wish I could tell you why your fiancee' killed himself, I can't. I I am not a doctor though my wife works with psychiatrist with the leading supplier of mental health services in this country. We socialize with some of them and I know for a fact even they are unsure as to why a patient who they consider stable will suddenly turn and do this.
I also know that your fiancee' did not do this because of anything you did or didn't do. About the only explanation that makes any sense, and little at that, is either the demons he has fighting finally got the best of him or this was an accident.
It is good that you have sought counseling. Be very open with your counselor, as this is the only way you will heal. You will come to learn that there was very little his doctors could have done to prevent this if your fiancee' hid anything from them.
This happens; my wife has seen it with the practices she works with. I've seen it as a firefighter first responder. The best face that can be put on this is that your fiancee' is no longer being tormented by the demons that have been tormenting him. There is nothing you did or didn't do to prevent this. Whatever he said to you were the demons talking and not him so don't listen to them.
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