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Am I just using him for my own selfish needs and pleasure?
Hi. I am 20 year old girl from India. This might take a bit long for you to read, so please have patience. I have been friends with a guy of my own age from the past 3 years and we still are really good friends. The problem is that we have been pretty intimate with each other all this time. No, we haven't gone all the way yet but yes, we have been quite close to that. He makes the first move whenever something happens and I just go with it after resisting for a few minutes (and that too never seriously). I let him do whatever he wants to me, just that I've never let him have sex with me. Now, the thing is that, we both aren't in the same cities. He visits often and whenever he's here he lets me know and we go out. I never call him up or text him whether he is in my city or not. He's the one to do it and i reply back to him only when i feel i want to. He takes me out for long drives, lunch/dinner, movies, strolls, etc. He's never shy/afraid of introducing me to any of his friends. He never lets me pay any bills even when i insist to. He has let me in his flat in my city. We have a lot of interests and hobbies in common as well. But that's the only part where i restrict everything to. I never try to sacrifice anything on my part when it comes to meeting him. If i find the time unsuitable for us to meet, i just wholly dismiss our meeting without even trying to make any adjustments or compromises. I have never let him meet any of my other friends, not even one! Neither have i told any of my friends about him. Maybe this is because (here comes another twist) i stole this guy from a very good friend of mine. Not as a boyfriend though, a crush (quite big one!). I have never let him come to my flat ever. I just clearly refuse it when he asks me to. Once he met me after a very long time and told me that he had a Girlfriend now but was having some problems with her and wanted me to help him solve them. I was very pissed listening to this and didn't feel like talking to him or letting him touch me at all! Still I tried talking about it with him. After a month i came to know that he had broken off with her and i came back on the same track i earlier was on and lured him into doing things with me in his car. Again, i didn't let him go all the way.
There has been a long gap since we met now. I totally avoided being in contact with him during summer vacations without giving him any reasons. And in that period of time, i made an actual boyfriend whom i like talking to and everything and never ever try avoiding him at all. But, this new guy, he won't get intimate with me i know. He's not that type. So its clear that he ain't gonna make any moves on me and i'm not the type to make the first move by myself. Now, after a few days, the previous guy whom i was talking about all this time, is coming back. And i know by all means that i want his company and that too in every way possible, even physically. Its getting difficult for me to avoid him now and i dont wanna lose my boyfriend also. I can't tell either of the guys about each other. I wanna know why is this happening to me? Why am i feeling so guilty about all of this? Its not just this time that i am feeling guilty, it has been throughout the past 3 years. Sometimes, i think that i should keep my boyfriend, love him and care for him and keep him unaware of my friend. And for my physical needs, i should rely upon my friend. But then, i know, this would be very wrong from my side. But i just can't control myself. This could mean i would have to lose one of the guys. But i don't wanna lose any one of them. What should i do to get rid of this guilt? I'm not a bad girl, trust me! I'm really very confused and I don't have any idea what to do and still be happy. I am being too selfish, right? Please suggest something to me soon. And please try to keep it somehow in my favour as i'm sick and tired of compromising my life for others' sake now 'cause always it has been me only who has been at loss in life. Now I just want to keep myself happy anyhow but yeah, without feelng guilty about anything.
Tell me, what exactly should i be doing?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You have lead your friend on. Because of the fact your very distant and you won't introduce him to your friends won't take himm to your place,. I would say you are using him for stuff. Which is SO WRONG.
But when he got a Girlfriend and came to you with his problems cuz he wanted your help. You got pissed of because he isn't available to you anymore. He is with someone else.
The fact that you have a bf and are contemplating CHEATING ON HIM means you don't love him and you don't want to be with him,. If you really loved him you wouldnt be thinking about anyone else but him. I honestly think you don't deserve either of them. Because of the fact that you are contemplating cheating on one of them and using the other.
But if you want to settle this,. just write a list for each guy,. what you like about them what they do to make you happy and what you don't like about them, and what they do that doesnt make them happy.
Now look at which list has the most likes and the least dislikes. That way you can truly figure out which one you actually want.
Hope this helps:)
~Jasmine*
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What you are doing is wrong, You are taking advantage of your friend. If you have a boyfriend you should not be fooling around with anyone else as this is classified as cheating.
If you love your boyfriend and are happy with him then why do you need to go back to your friend? Are you happy in your relationship?...If your not you should be honest and tell your boyfriend you aren't happy and don't think it's going to work out. You are confused because you are with two men. You are creating one hell of a wrong doing, God help you if your boyfriend were to ever find out. I recommend STOP cheating on your boyfriend, If you don't like what you are doing then don't do it. It's wrong and unfaithful
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