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Can't Orgasm & It's starting to affect my relationship
18/f
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 and a half years. We have been doing "foreplay" for the majority of this time but have only started having sex for the past 5 months or so.
Put simple, no matter what I do I can't seem to finish for him. It gets to a point where things feel SO good, up to a point where I physically stop him (i.e. grab his hand or push him off). It seems so intense and so good that I cant take anymore and I just can't help it. So that's the basic problem in a nutshell, however there is more to it but you don't have to read it all if you have any ideas on what could help me.
Anyways, some background things that may hinder answers are:
1.) I dont traditionally masterbate. I do to some degree, but not the way it is normally done. For some reason, i don't feel anything at all when I try to mimic and do what he does to me to myself.
2.) I was sorta sexually abused as a child (hard to get into) and I tend to have alot of "rape dreams". Sometimes I worry this may be blocking things somehow...
3.) Lately, I have been incredibly sensitive. We are eachothers only sexual partners and we always use a condom and the birth control pill, but for some reason even foreplay tends to hurt. It really discourages him caus I always say its sore, especialy since beforehand I always tended to like things kinda rough.
Any ideas? At this point his confidence is almost shot and I know its starting to be a problem. He doesn't even want to do anything sexual because he thinks he's just horrible at it (which I know is not the case). Any ideas why this is happening and what I can do to stop it?
Thanks.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Trouble Reaching Orgasm?
Welp, When you feel like Masterbate. Dont.. EAT!(: It makes me Happy. Haha do you have A high sex rage? Well anyways you have to try to forget about the dreams. Dont wirte in a diary about the have a dream catcher. The throwing him off part. Well thats hard try having your hands under your butt and dont let them slipp. Hope it helps..(:
~Ashlyn(:~
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The fact that you say you were sorta "Sexually abused" is most likely a major contributing factor in the way you are having a problem. You may think you have put the abuse behind you when in fact you have not. The human psyche can play strange tricks on us, when we least expect it.
While you did not elaborate on just what type of abuse it was who or abused you. All the same it is my unprofessional feeling that when you became sexually active the abuse that has been buried, surfaced to the extent you will not allow yourself to enjoy sexual activity or its pleasure.
If you have never been treated by a professional therapist for this abuse you will never properly put it behind you.
If you would like help finding a therapist trained in this area of abuse then I suggest you call this number: 1-800-656-Hope. This is the hotline number for RAINN, which stands for; Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. The call takers are all volunteers trained to help you and help you find the professional in your home town who can work with you to put this abuse in its proper place.
The abuse happened, that's factual and I am so very sorry that it happened to you. No one who has suffered any type of abuse is truly capable of properly dealing with it on their own. We cannot hide from it and pretend it didn't happen. In fact just the opposite is required. We must realize it did happen, find away to properly deal with it and bring closure. Then and only then can we go on with are lives and live a more normal life.
I believe the rape dreams you are having are not fantasies but a product of the abuse resurfacing. Again my unprofessional thinking as I am not a trained psychologist.
Please call the number I gave you for RAINN and get some professional help. You will feel much better and have a better life sexually and otherwise if you do.
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Try to finger yourself or ask him if you can try something new. Have him start a little deep and go in deeper without coming out. If you try to push him away, tell him to stick you on the bed (tape, handcoufs, etc) You need to get over it. Have him go, have his dick still out. When you trying to get him off tell him not to worry. Then if you still want him off, get him to get a un-sharpened pencil or un-used something like a pencil and tell him to stick it up your vagina. Then do his dick again. This time put it ALL in. It may hurt. If your trying to scream at him have him duck tape you mouth shout. You HAVE to 100% stop and go all the way. Then put something LONGER but as wide as his dick in and tell him to push it in nice and good. HARD!!!!!!!
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