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my best friend wants more
My best friend had expressed fondness for me for a long time and coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship i thought i needed someone who would treat me nicely for once. As soon as we started dating i realized we had zero chemistry. He clearly still had strong feelings for me though. He got super clingy and would show up at my house and text all my friends asking if i said anything about him. I might be a commitment-phobe, but clingy-ness scares me so much and I told him i wanted to just be friends and he wouldn't take my answer seriously. I ran into him again at a bar (pretty sure he followed me there actually) and he told me he couldn't go back to just being friends i told him i couldn't do it anymore. I thought that was that but a mutual friend told me that he continues to tell people we are an item and he plans to stop by my work tomorrow my shift as a surprise. I dont know what to do. I want my FRIEND back and as much as i tell him i only can be friends with him he won't listen. What do I do?
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He's being an ass and a bad friend. He's disrespecting you.
You've tried to be nice. Now you need to be clear.
"We are not a couple. I do not want to be in a relationship with you. I would like to be your friend, only your friend."
You have to accept that he might not accept that. He might not be willing to be just a friend. And that is really sad, but if that is his choice you need to respect it -- just they way he needs to respect your choices.
This is not commitment phobia on your part. The only thing you are doing wrong is not doing your best to make yourself clearly understood. He is confused and is being creepy. You can't let someone abuse and disrespect you in this way just because you are afraid of hurting their feelings or loosing their friendship. Just be completely honest and direct. It's the kindest thing you can do for him.
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If you want to try letting him down without outright hurting his feelings try telling him; "I think of you more like my brother than a boyfriend."
That statement should tell him exactly where he stands with you. As a brother or a sister as the case may be you are telling the admirer that there can never be anything more than a family type relationship between you. Sure we can hangout together if we aren't doing anything, watch TV or whatever we feel like doing together but it will always be platonic.
If after telling him this, he still doesn't get it; a retraining order may be your only solution.
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Letting go is very hard for some people especially if they're really attached to you. I'm sorry to hear that you're in this situation. You should just tell him to back off, because number one he's hurt himself, and number two if he keeps it up you'll probably not want to be around him anymore. You guys should probably spend some time away from each other for his benefit. Don't give into him because I've seen two situations where my friend was obligated to be in a relationship and HATED him after they finally broke it off for good. And the second situation was with me and my ex. Don't pity him. If you value your friendship with him then I would suggest breaking off contact with him for a while so he can get over you.
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Tell him that he has to accept that you don't love him and if he does not you will start to avoid him and that if he continues there is no way of ever being friends again
P.S if he is stalking you tell the cops
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