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HELP! whats the right thing to do with my friend??
hey, so i've known this girl since 1st grade we have always been very close, bestfriends. but then when i hit beginnging of 6th grade i was going through some trauma in my life, only later did i realize what was happening, that i was depressed, and only later, exactly a year later did i see a therapist. Family problems. horrible family problems. I got worse. i slit my wrists at one point. actually a year and half into it. thats when it all hit me. and i drank some and smoked a little. And would have meltdowns, and panick attacks. It was pretty bad. i was losing friends. I was losing respect. i was losing the will to live. I was losing to see the beauty in life, but to see the uglynes curupt the world. it was all very hard to handle at such a young age. and i think i took it worst out of my family. i am currently still with the same therapist. it has helped me alot. through the course of a year, gradually i have changed. And change is always hard, so is growth. So let me be clear and honest and hopefully you will take the time to read the rest of this. Well up until this big divorce of my parents, it was breaking up my family as well, as to why it was so horrible.Anyway up until that point that it had happened, i had always been the happy fun, funny, outragoues loyal friend, and didnt give a f*** what you thought about me. No, i wasnt a bully, i was a great friend to my friends, and an entertainer at that. i always have been. But i would not let anyone tear me down or cross me, i was confident but not cocky, stable but not an overachiever, you get it, just a fun person to want to be around, popular,etc. So my bff Kara and i were great friends. and Kara and Ann were bffs too, so were just the perfect trio. It was so much fun, and great having best friends i could rely on, and have fun with. Back then i never looked at it twice, not saying i took it for granted, but never really looked at it under a microscope. So as i said my depression was from beginning of 6 grade to end of 7th grade. i am going into eighth grade soon. So i became this keep to myself. shut off from the world, shallow person. for a long time. It had hit so dramatically because i was always the kid growing up with a big family and love, and now this; this just destroyed me, and my rep. I beat myslef down. Because i fell in the populatry group. self-esteem was a big part of me, an di was losing it under my feet. And worst of all was that i didnt even see my best friend slipping away. We are currently friends but not like we were before, nothing like that. And so theres this girl Taylor, and she was very much like me, as i described. only diference is that she is very bossy and controlling and shit. you'd think we'd have this amazing friendship or bond,wrong. We've had some complications in the past, i wanted to move past it, so i said i was sorry for anything i did, we moved on. But she cant seem to get past it, Fuck it, fuck her, i say im not waiting around the clock for her to be my friend. I dont need her. So basically she saw me and kara were not as close, and she jumped on it. She became the new me between her and kara and ann. It was devastating, if i had been seeing a therapist longer i probly would have been more concerned about my friends than my split family at the time. But now they are all best friends. I want to have a best friend again. I want to be there for her and vise versa. I know we went throught phases this year but i defintily dont think it was permanent. She is used to me being my funny self and when she didnt see that, she had a new friend. i know it sounds bad, but she is a really good person. she is still my friend, but i need her, she has changed but not drastically like me, but shes not mean or anything. So anyway my therapist said call her you'll never know if you dont call her. So she changed phones. I asked her a couple weeks ago on chat if she changed numbers. she said yes, and gave me another number. The voicemail went to a regualr answering machine. I called this other one this girl gave me, it was some kid's, so thats not it. I tryed her old one, and it rang and rang, but went to HER voicemail with her name and everything. I left several messages a few weeks ago, like everyother day, and texted her. she never repsonded. So whats happening is she just blowing me off or did she really changed numbers? so i figured i dont just want to wait around, so my therapist posting something on her fb wall, so she'll see it. i did and basically said call me tonight or tomorrow. so i mean hopefully she'll call me back. I dont know if its because of taylor that she saying dont call her back, i dont think that'd be the case. and i dont think shes on vacation. i just want to tell her i have changed and i am not JUST their yet but i am a work in progress and will get back to my happy place soon, im determined. and i want to get her back, shes my friend, and no one is gonna take her away from me, i say its time for taylor to get a taste of her own med and back off. i was too depressed to defend myself. And now that im back im ready to get her back. and hopefuly she'll get the memo. Soooo what do you think about the phone calls, and the friendship, and whats going on here? it would make me so happy to tell what i said before, nothing negative just positive and be able to have the amazing chemistry and bond and sisterly love for one another. i realze she really does mean something to me. And i need your help and opinion on the situation. Write as much as you can. I know its baby steps and all and i am one to jump the gun but i am willing to do anything; because i realized all you need is love and friendship in your lifetime. and i am young but i very mature for my age and i know what i want. i want to show her this though i am also that girl she once knew that knows how to have a good time. Because she hasnt seen me happy in a long time. whats the best thing to do here? and dont say move on or she isnt a good friend. not happeining! thanksssss sooo muchhh!<33
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I have been where you are to a certain degree. The only difference between you and me is that I'm an adult close to retirement age and your a teenager. Friendships are different. Teenagers, while we look at and speak of them as young adults, are in many ways still children. Children turn away from what they don't understand. Many teenagers have yet to gain the maturity to understand what you have been through.
When I started to understand what I was going through and what the cause(s) were I came up with my version of the AA 12 step program. High on the list was apologizing to those that I may have hurt while I was in a bad place. If any of my friends showed a sincere interest in the why and the what of my problem I had a short sort of outline to give them. Then I would ask if we could WORK AT REBUILDING OUR FRIENDSHIP.
For those that just said, "well I'm glad your feeling better. I thanked them for their good wishes and moved on. Not everyone, even adults fully understand and most do not understand the what and how of depression. Some may ask how this happens. When and if this happens you have the opportunity to educate. Educating sets aside the misunderstandings people have about depression which is the biggest battle those that suffer from depression have.
I cannot tell you how your BFF will react if and when you have the opportunity to speak with her. When you do I suggest you start as I did and still do, that being with an apology if you have hurt her. Ask if she will allow you to explain a little of what has been going on in your life to cause the changes she has seen. Should she say no, the again apologize for any hurt you brought on her and thank her for speaking with you. Then give her sometime to think about your apology. Your going to shock her some when you do. I fairly certain given her age she is not going to know how to react and her reaction is going to be negative if at all.
When you do apologize you start with. "bff I want to apologize for any hurt I may have caused you. I'm sure you noticed some big changes in me in the past couple of years. There are reasons for this that to be honest were not in my control and if you want to hear it I will tell you a little about what life has been for me during this time."
Talk this over with your therapist and see if your therapist agrees this may be a good approach.
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Some people have the saying friendship comes and goes but that is if they are not working at it. Some people have setbacks like you have and are willing to get back to their original state for the sake of friendship which makes you the great person you are.
I know you really care about your friends and that is why I am going to tell you these advices.
First of all............The girl who Took your spot in the best friends trio IS NOT you therefore WILL NEVER take your place. You said it YOURSELF and that is why I am telling you this. She can try but she will never come close to this. If you don't want to be friends with her then just be friends with KARA AND ANN.
Second of all.............BABY STEPS. Don't expect to be best friends in a day. What I advice you is to tell the truth and nothing more. Tell why you were distant.
Thirdly.........The phone. You don't know what happens to Kara because you are not her. She could of had her phone taken away or lost it. The point is if you believe that she hasn't changed....there is no reason for her to do something like ignoring or giving you the wrong phone number.
I think that with good time you will find yourself again but it might not be the same person you are expecting. You have been through so much....don't be surprised at your strength and agility in certain situations.
What I ask you though as another person in the world with experience is don't just find Kara and Ann as friends.......find some other people. They make you strong and happy. I am not saying ditch anyone but gather another group of FRIENDS not BEST FRIENDS. Trust me when I say they are also important.
Lifescomplicated
Friendship never ends......unless you want it to
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