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How does it feel to lose your viginity?
me and this guy kinda have a thing and he wants to have sex but i dont know if im ready yet...im sixteen and he is eighteen and he has had sex multiple times and im scared he might have an STD or something. he has asked me if im still a virgin and i said no because i didnt want him to think i wasnt cool or anything. was it a bad thing that i lied to him about that? and should i tell him the truth? im also scared because this will be my first time and i dont know how it feels, i dont wanna bleed because i think that would be embarassing, and i dont wanna scream because if it hurts too much! and some of my friends say save sex till marriage because you can never get your viginity back..what should i do?
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I'm going to modify the below answer from Shelby to be, "You're not ready, don't have sex yet."
It seems like this decision was prompted entirely by "this guy I like who likes me wants to have sex with me". Let me tell you straight up, as a guy, there's always some small part of our brain dedicated to the possibility of having sex right now. Teenaged guys are wired to be horny all the time. It sucked for me, it sucks for him now, and it really isn't your problem to deal with.
Be in a relationship. Spend four or five months exclusively dating someone. Get to know someone, fall in love, have them fall in love back. Then, when it's time, you won't be worried about being embarassed you'll just be happy you get to share yourself with someone you care about.
Sex can be alot of things to alot of different people, but at the beginning it really should be about loving someone and wanting to be with them. That really doesn't seem to be the case here. It sounds like you're scared and maybe a little horny and so you're going to go ahead before you're ready because you like this guy and you don't want him to go looking somewhere else or something.
You're 16. There's not a goddamn reason in the world to do this on someone else's timetable. There's nothing to lose here if you don't that you'll miss in 6 months (him included).
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First of all, no shame in being a virgin and definitely no shame in wanting to wait until you're ready, nobody should force you and if this boy respects you he'll wait. Most people actually find it admirable to be a virgin. I do understand why you lied however, as I was a virgin at 16 and a large emphasis was placed on sex back then, once I became 18 everyone had large respect for me for keeping innocent for so long, so don't worry yourself about that.
Also, as far as saving sex till marriage, it's your choice, some people would rather loose their virginity to their husbands as a sort of show of trust I suppose, some people would rather be married and be able to please their husbands from the start, admittedly, it is increasingly more difficult to save yourself until marriage, so do what you feel is right there.
Onto the boyfriend issue, STD wise, you have every right to refuse until he is checked (be cautious that he may be lying to get into your pants though) and I do recommend you tell him the truth, more so if you decide to have sex with him solely on the grounds that usually men have to be much more gentle than usual when they are with virgins, and if he doesn't know, it could be very painful for you.
As for the feeling, I personally found it very painful, but I didn't bleed, and since I was with someone who cared they went slow so it never made me scream or anything. Every girl is different however, I've had friends who screamed and I've had friends who bled a lot, I think its a combination of the pace you move and what kind of person you are. Just remember to have a lot of foreplay before you begin (kissing, touching etc.) and don't be afraid to ask him to stop at any point if it becomes to painful, just apologise and tell him that you can't do it yet, he may be somewhat annoyed, but if he loves you he should be fine, and if he doesn't then you don't need him anyway :)
x
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if you're not ready, don't have sex.
i'm not going to tell you that you should wait til marriage to have sex, because i didnt. when you find the right person, you know, and its so worth it.
if you think that he might have something, and you decide that you DO wanna sleep with him, GET HIM TESTED. you shouldnt be embarrased about people knowing you're a virgin. it lets people know that you're smart and responsible.
this is a decision you can only make for yourself. on your own. if you're not ready, dont have sex. wait til you find the right person, and you'll know when you're ready.
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