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Depression over military deployment
My fiance will be leaving for Navy bootcamp in a little over a month. By the time he leaves we'll be married. But all I think about is how much I'm going to miss him. I know I should think about spending as much time as possible together but I'm a planner type of person. It gets to a point where I'm just really depressed. I don't know if you call it depression or not but he's not even gone yet and I'm already freaking out about it. I just want to know what I can do to fix this. I don't want to have to take any anti-depression pills so that's out of the question. I just don't know what to do. Thanks!
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Dear "Depression over military deployment",
I can give you been there and done that advice.
The Navy has a saying on the subject of family.
"If we did not include it in your sea-bag, we did not want you to have it."
I was in the navy, and when I got out, I married my sailor boyfriend. Two different experiences.
While I was in the military, I was treated like a guinea pig. They hand out Ibuprofen and morphine like it is candy. I was exposed to deadly chemicals and was never told so.
As a spouse and dependent, most military wives are treated like a nobody who the military does not want around. The members get paid for the number of people in their family. The less they have to pay for family members, the better.
I would like to advise you NOT to marry the NAVY. You will not be marrying your fiance, you will be marrying the NAVY and rarely see your man. His job will ALWAYS come first. When he graduates from boot camp, his Oath to the USA overrides all other vows, including marriage vows. Kind of the way Obama's Oath to the constitution and people of America is trumped by his Oath to his Masonic Order. When it comes down to it, you mean nothing to the Government.
I say, have your man claim hardship and annul his contract with the NAVY right now. Do not let him marry the NAVY. He can change his mind. College money, stable pay, and any other benefits that come from the NAVY are not worth the damage that this choice could do to your lives.
I am speaking from not only my own experience, but from seeing the various US military branches ruin a countless number lives, and end too many marriages.
Joining the military is not a noble cause. I weep for the ignorance that causes people to think so.
Do not get me wrong. I do not dislike the military. I just dislike what it is being used to accomplish.
I have seen both sides. I speak bluntly here with no disrespect intended. It takes more courage to make a living in the civilian world than in the military. The military hands the members everything they need as soon as the vow is finished. I took the easy way out when I was 18. I joined the NAVY instead of getting a civilian job. So speak from experience.
However, I will tell you how to survive being a military wife during deployments, separations, boot-camp, etc.
While he is away at boot camp, he may get phone privileges a few times, and mail weekly, unless it has changed. He will be gone roughly 8 weeks. He may or may not get to come home right away to retrieve you. He may get sent straight to his first command. If he goes overseas, you had better have your passport in order. Otherwise it will be a few more months or even years before you see him.
Once he is full active duty and assigned to a ship you will not be able to reach him regularly, except through e-mail and snail mail; and even then, getting it depends on accessibility. When the ship is in port, he will probably be home every non-duty night. When they are out of port, sometimes the ships go out for 6-8 months at a time and only get hooked up with mail once or twice. Secret ops can be a pain in the communication systems between the Government's Property(your man) and civilians(you).
At some point in his career, he will be assigned to a sea going vessel. Expect to be separated quite a bit throughout his career. Having kids is not a good thing in the military. Daddy is never around, and it puts a lot of stress on your relationship. Wait to have kids until he gets an officer's commission, or reaches second class petty officer. At these ranks, he will have the money to afford kids, and may even get to choose his commands.
Ombudsman are the dependent's contacts when the ships is out, unreachable, and communication is needed. If you have problems coping with being alone, contact the ombudsman and tell them about it. You should get the contact information with a welcome aboard package at each new command. You can ask for help from other spouses too.
If the pooh hits the fan, call on a Chaplain. They move mountains when the military drones treat you like you a nobody.
He is not even gone to boot camp yet and you are freaking out. I still say the best fix is to talk him out of it, but I will also answer your question as if that is not an option.
Do not focus on him being gone. Do not focus on missing him and do not focus on spending all your time with him before he leaves. Focus on your wedding day and honeymoon. After that focus on creating a home for him that is peaceful. A sanctuary that is all his at the end of a nasty day.
Use 'The Secret' [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) to accomplish things while he is gone. You are his rock, no matter what his career choice may be. It is going to be you that keeps him going.
Most important is honest and frequent communication. When he is gone, he needs to be reminded of you or your essence will fade. Keep fresh photos sent to him, ones he keeps to himself and others he can show to his pals. He is a man and will have a lot of sailing girls around that need to know he is taken. Make your presence known, support him, and you will be fine.
Good Luck!
Doktor Tammy
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Even though you are older than I and have been with your fiance longer than I have been with my boyfriend, we're in the same situation.
My boyfriend is leaving for the Navy in December and I am always thinking about how much I will miss him and how much I'll worry, but I agree with Melissa...
Do not worry!!! Focus on yourself. Do what makes you happy while he is gone, but make sure you write letters and talk in as many ways as possible to keep in touch. I know it's hard and you'll miss him like crazy, but he is doing something he loves and he is extremely lucky to have such a wonderful fiance that will stay with him even with his passions getting in the way of the relationship. Make sure to set a date along with him before he leaves and spend time with him, there doesn't need to be planning for that! Surprises are always nice :)
I hope I helped...
xoxox
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well if you think about it... he's doing a VERY good thing! and yeah your going to worry about your husband and stuff but don't drive yourself crazy because if you do, your never going to be happy, all your going to be doing is worrying. at least not worry now that he's here and when he does leave, think positive about everything! pray at night! and i know it's going to be hard but try not to think about it, go out with friends, have a party, shop, go to the pool, go on a little vacation or something.
i know it's going to be hard but you cant do it!
good luck and i hope i helped!(:
if you have any questions askk!
melisssa.!(:
and before he leaves maybe go to dinner or maybe you to go on a little vacation... but don't do all of this becuase you think somethings going to happen to him, do it because you want to!(:
i hope everything goes well for you and your husband! and you don't need depression pills, it's all in your head!
my step mom always used to say "when you get up on the morning and think im going to have a good day today, then you will. but if you say im going to have a horrible day, you will." i've tried thinking both ways and they work haha!"
think about the positive side.
if there is a cup half of water... do you think of the glass half full, or half empty.?
melissa!(:
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