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I'm an 18 year old female and I have a problem connecting with people. I'll try to explain it but it's pretty complicated.
Ever since my first bf of 3 years and I broke up senior year of HS (i am now approaching my sophomore year of college), I have never let myself connect with people. Since then I have had sex with 5 people who I care nothing about and I have hooked up with like 30 guys (all in which i was drunk). I used alcohol to "get some and get gone" and I was happy doing that because I never wanted to get close with anyone again. I am a pretty screwed up person because all I do is hook up with people.
Recently this summer I hooked up with this one guy and I planned on ditching him like I do with every guy. But he was extremely nice and cute and actually pursued me further and we sorta had this fling. We knew it would be just a summer thing bc he was leaving to go away for like half a year. So this guy is the first person I ever felt connected to at all. And he changed the way I feel about myself and made me want to change the way I act. But now he's gone. And I can't get these feelings to go away. I don't think I'm attached to this guy as much as I am attached to the feelings I discovered I am capable of having. I feel torn because I don't want those feelings to go away because I don't want to revert to the emptiness I felt before. But at the same time I do want them to go away because they hurt so much. I don't know what to do. It's not a typical "heart-break" situation because neither of us hurt one another or expected more of anything so I don't want to delete him from my life. But I can't stop thinking of how happy I was when I think of him and that drives me crazy. What should I do?
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Dear "getting Some and getting gone",
Your story sounds normal to me. You got hurt, you retreated-meaning emotionally closed, rebounded-meaning you bounced your energies off of possible mates and got into a routine.
Connecting with someone on that level is a beautiful thing. Your human spirit of forgiveness and love has been renewed. You have been reminded with a short burst of some powerfully positive energy.
The Emptiness will turn us colder than ice if we let it consume us. Attitude is so very important in our everyday lives.
Hold onto that feeling. It hurts right now because you are torn from the feeling's source. Right now, that source is this guy you just connected with. You do not have this positive energy fueling your core yet. Until it consumes your core, and fuels it, your attitude will not change much.
My advice is to talk to him as much as possible. Not with intentions of any sure long term relationships, unless that is what you both want. I suggest holding onto him as an energy guide, or a spirit guide, until these feelings are your core being.
It starts with your attitude towards yourself, your life, and everything you have experienced.
You are learning a lesson from the most powerful teacher of all, life.
Take Care and Good Luck!
Doktor Tammy
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You need to come to terms with the fact that it is over between you and your old boyfriend. Assuming it has been 2-3 years that is a long time to still not allow yourself to meet other people.
If you don't want flings anymore then stop, Stop hooking up with people. It is not healthy and it is a careless thing to do. It is okay to move on, It is okay to be in a relationship and it is okay to date. This is what you need to realize, You can't allow yourself to be stuck on the past. This old relationship has happened a few years ago. Was this your first relationship?...... If so sure we never forget our first but at the same time we all learn one way or another that 99% of the time our first is only an experience. You may not realize nor want to accept the fact that maybe this man may want to have a relationship with you. Something about this man has attracted you and you are scared and don't want to accept it. Instead of running away, Go for it! It could turn out to be something positive. However, You also need to keep telling yourself the old relationship was years ago and you need to move on.
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