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Am I too demanding or is he just horrible at keeping promises?
My boyfriend and I have been together three years and we are both in college.
Please hear me out, but keep in mind that this is my probably-heavily-biased side of the story.
We have a lot in common, but our differences drive me insane at times. For example, he's a night owl and I'm a day person, up at the crack of dawn. I like having plans and a set schedule (maybe to an extreme; I am always planning out my future class schedules and what classes I will take which term to make sure I have a good plan). He, on the other hand, is a last-minute-plans kind of guy.
He is also a last-minute-cancellation kind of guy. Which, when tied into his sleeping habits, really ticks me off. Because he'll say things like "Let's do so-and-so tomorrow", and we'll make plans. I will then make no other plans and the next day, will have to wait for him to wake up (which can be anytime from 3 to 6pm), at which point he is prone to cancel on me, IF HE EVEN REMEMBERS WE HAD PLANS TO BEGIN WITH.
To be fair, he doesn't flake out on me ALL THE TIME, but it's just often enough for it to stress me. And while at times it's not even his fault, the fact that I have to waste an entire day waiting for him to let me know nothing is happening is irritating.
It bothers me that, the day before we are supposed to hang out, he doesn't compromise. He knows that I'm up early, but rather than sleeping a little earlier that day and say, waking up at noon (which would be pretty much a halfway point between our normal wake-up times), he stays up all night and sleeps in. The only thing that gets him to agree to this is a long and tedious negotiation / argument. And usually, when I ask him to sleep earlier, he says he can't help it, as if he is being forced to sleep late. Now, I understand that it is difficult to break from some sleep schedules. But then can someone please explain to me why, when we're together and it's around midnight and he lies down and is undisturbed for a few minutes, he falls asleep? He tells me that it's hard to fall asleep when he's awake, but he seems to have absolutely no trouble doing so when I'm around.
The reason I'm posting isn't just about our plans, though that is a big part of it. He is exceptionally bad at coming through with any sort of promise or anything. Once, I asked him for help with something for a job I was applying for. I needed it ASAP, but even with my constant nagging, it still took him a week (by which point it was already too late). And this happens all the time. If I ask him for something and he agrees, he will forget all about it unless I nag him until the end of time.
And every time he fails to keep his word or cancels on me, I just get VERY UPSET. I can't help it. It makes me feel like I'm not worth waking up a little early for, or like he can't set aside some time from his ridiculous gaming habits to write a reminder post-it note to help me out.
What do I do about this? Am I simply expecting too much of a video-game-obsessed, impulsive guy with a shit memory, or is the problem with him? or with both of us?
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Your boyfriend sounds like a typical teenage male. My son was a lot like that, a night person for most of his educational life. Nothing changed no matter what my wife or I said or did until he went into the military. When he came home and went back to school his old sleep habits returned again to that of a night owl.
Once he finished school and got his first real job did his sleep habits really make a change for the better. Since a lot of teenage males are like this with their sleeping habits I can only theorize as to the why.
As for his failure to keep promises and blaming his sleep schedule; that is just plain rude and there is no acceptable reason for that.
As for his failure to plan that is his problem. There is an old saying; "There are those who fail to plan and those who plan to fail." Your boyfriend is one of the people who fail to plan. He will find out someday that this is not acceptable to employers regardless of how good you are at your job. Employers want to see a plan. If you have no plan then you are planing to fail. He needs to realize this before it jumps up and smacks him in the face. This is something you have already learned.
As to what if anything you should do about this, that is not for me to say. I will leave you with one other old saying; "opposites attract."
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I totally agree with zane... talk to him and tell him how you feel about the whole situation and let him know it is time to shape up... If he cant do this then you are going to have to move on its not just you that will think this way if I was in your shoes I would feel the same way... talk to him and try to get him to understand... give him the choice its you or his habits not both good luck
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You seem to be living two different lives, You are up at the crack of dawn while he is up doing whatever and sleeps till noon time. Your boyfriend is lazy, irresponsible and is not convenience to you. My best advise is to talk to him, Tell him what you've told us, You feel he isn't totally on the same page as you and you don't feel the commitment on his part.
If it doesn't seem to get through to him and he doesn't agree to shape up and start working on things then I would find someone that is more suitable for you. It is awfully rude to leave someone high and dry, It's even ruder to give them a last minute call. I'll be honest but sounds to me you may be too good for him.
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