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Ackward behavior
I am a near 30 year old, single, attractive woman who has attended a large scale church for over 3 years now. I have not become a member of the church, but I just enjoy the worship and the teaching. The latter part of 2010, I started noticing the pastor gazing in my direction. I perceived that he may have been looking somewhere else, so I would change my sitting arrangements at church to see if it was a figment of my imagination, or if what I was discerning was accurate. Well, I noticed that no matter where I sat, he would stare with no facial expression, but with great tension in his eyes. I also notice that when I stand up during his preaching, he immediately looks away or avoids eye contact. I have never spoken to this man or have no way of comprehending his behavior, or his perceived mood swings. Any Advice.
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There could be numerous things, and they all depend on the nuances you are feeling. You do not specify if he is married, or not...If he is married, and you feel as if he may be wrestling with an attraction to you, I would ignore it--don't change anything about yourself, or what you do. It is his battle to fight with himself, and as long as all he does is look, there is no need for you to acknowledge his actions. Be friendly, gain all the spiritual and emotional support from your experience at church, and he will work out his issues on his own.
If he is not married, and you think his attention is based on attraction, than why not give him a smile? I have noticed something about myself, which may, or may not pertain to you, but if I tend to notice someone watching me, it's because I want to notice him watching me. I have a crush, so I pay attention to what he's doing, and what he's paying attention to. Why not go up and talk to him? At the very worst, you will have a conversation with an individual who holds a spirituosity close your own, and at the very best, you might have a really great connection. I wouldn't project, or imagine what might happen, I'd just go with the flow, be myself, and keep it real. If one of his sermons strikes a real chord with you, go up and talk to him about it, even if it's because you disagree with what he said. Let him get to know who you are, and let yourself get to know who he is.
If you feel as if his attention is not based on attraction, but that he seems concerned for you, (people love to gossip, and this man almost certainly knows more about you than you think he does), it wouldn't hurt to go up to him after service and give a hello. People love to tell stories, and half the time they get them wrong, so any little issue you have had might be all blown out of proportion. He may have the complete wrong idea about you.
So...if he's not married, I'd say smile and go up and talk to him (if you're a little shy or intimidated, it might be a good idea to think about what you want to say ahead of time. Don't entirely script it out in your head, but have a general outline of something to discuss that you truly care about.) If he is married, well, you might have to do a little more soul searching, and try to discern if his attention is out of attraction or concern. There is no good that can come out of encouraging the attraction, and sometimes, when you try to detract a person's attraction, it ends up making them attracted to you more. Hope this helps...
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Dear Mixed Signals,
It is hard to say what could be happening here.
Has he been the pastor there for the last 3 years, or is he new?
It is possible that he is trying to figure out who you are, if he does not already know. You attend, but he does not have your name in the book yet. We all know that conversion is the main goal of most church houses and their leaders.
I sense a conflict within him. So it is possible, that blank expression is concentration.
Or, he could be, I dare not say, under attack by silent weapons and you stand out to him for some reason. If this is the case, instead of the former, you should move far away and never go to that church again. Silent weapons are the cause of senseless violence en mass. Be aware of the world we live in and how it effects you.
Silent weapons for quiet wars
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However, your information leads to believe that he has taken notice of you for some reason, and is even embarrassed about looking at you. This tells me he is conscious of his actions and not likely under attack from a silent weapon. There are symptoms that are unmistakably evil when dealing with a puppet of the weapons.
Is he married? Pastors are allowed to have wives. What if he is single and does not have the courage to say anything. Mood swings indicate conflict. Maybe talking to him would clear this whole subject up fairly quickly. I recommend breaking the ice with a positive comment about himself, his preaching style, or hair cut, for example.
Find out why he has been 'staring blankly' at you, or so it seems. Maybe he needs someone to talk to too. You will never know unless you make that first move for yourself.
In the mean time, research how to recognize a person who is being targeted by the silent weapons. You will be amazed at what you find.
Good Luck!
Doktor Tammy
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Sounds to me like he may have a little crush on you, If he is not married and you like him it is okay to take a shot and appraoch him... But if the looks are bothering you then you may want to tallk to him about it... Ask him if there is anything wrong or if he would like to speak somewhere other than church... And remember pastors are more than just church they are just as much people outside of church as you and I... They are able to date and fall in love and get married... Maybe when he is staring at you he is just imagining what he would say if he would appraoch you... Although he can speak in front of crowds he may still be nervous about speaking to you if he likes you.. which is normal :) good luck and best wishes to you If you have any more questions or need any more advice please come back and I will be happy to answer :)
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