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Being a good muslim wife
Dear advisenators
I need your advice please. I have 2 beautiful twin girls, who is 1 year old now, and a wonderful husband. He works in his own business and I am a full time student studying–neither of us are home often or together because of our busy schedules. I got married at 16 and divorced by 17. Yes, I married young. That guy was cheating on me and when I confronted him, he was so angry and became so abusive. I don’t want this to happen again with my new marriage because we are so happy together. Here is why I wrote because some thing similar is happening to me. My husband and me hired one of my best friends who has become a even more a very good friend to me–she looks after our little girls and lives with us. She is 19. We are Muslim. She was pregnant with my husband's baby now 2 weeks ago. we went together to get the abortion. He does not know she was pregnant and she never wants him to know. I have learned to accept him and love him no matter what. As long as he is not hurting me or anyone else. And he is not. He is such a good man. She is so concerned about her baby and her family and of me of afriad of me being mad at her begged me to stay because she needed the money and supports her family with it too, they are old and need her help so I let her stay. I promised her I would not send her back or tell him about the baby.. She said she would please us and do anything for us. She is very sweet. I do feel weird about her and my husband.
I don’t want to lose him and want him to be happy too, she is just a young girl and he may just have a weakness for girls like her. It seems harmless–she is a virgin. I am afraid to confront him. You see my mother told me that she had to put up with my father for our sake and because she valued her family more than sex.
My mother told me that if the girl is a virgin, and she is, I should not worry about STDs or anything else. I should just be a good wife like she was and leave him alone otherwise this husband will leave me too. Mom says he is a good man who comes from a good family, he supports me, i only have a high school degree with some modeling experience. What if I just let him alone? Allah commanded us girls to submit to our husbands. My mom said the prophet had many wives and slave girls. His wives needed to accept that, and she did with my father and i should too.
I dont know what to do about her pregnancy. I just want us to be happy. Please advise,
What harm would it do to keep ignoring it?
I am dependent on him for my support and for my girls too.
Please reply to
jjordan2011@mail.com
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It sounds as if you are torn between two cultures. If you are in America or any other non Muslim country I can understand the dilemma you feel yourself in. My problem is I have no idea how to advise you.
In all good consciousness I can not and should not advise you to turn away from your religion. In the same vain I should tell you being this upset with the situation that at the very least you need to confront you husband and tell him how you feel.
This brings up two problems. The word confront or confrontation are words to elicit or start fights. Nothing is ever served by a fight only more hurt feelings are formed. In the Muslim society I'm not sure just how a wife goes about this or if a Muslim man will accept the fact that he has harmed her by his actions.
While are laws protect you your culture does not. I feel the best answer to your question may be to seek an answer for your Imam at the mosque.
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I cant really reply to your email at this time so I hope that you recieve this... I am sorry for all the trouble you have gone through... But in my opinion you should confront your husband if you dont than you are going to end up hating him for it... we have a saying aroung here that goes once a cheater always a cheater... it is wrong what he did my advice leave the man you can do so much better!! good luck
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