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flirting while in a relationship
19/f
So there's this guy in his early twenties that I've been talking to for about 2 weeks now; we work together and he was hired recently.
I talked to him first: Besides the fact that I was drawn to him for some reason, I wanted to be friendly to him because he is new to the job. Turns out he has a really great personality and lately we have been flirtatious. The problem here is that we are both in relationships already.
Our flirting is all done in the workplace: very casual, mostly verbal although he has tried to make it physical - for example, today he poked me, and I playfully responded, "poking me? what is this, facebook?" and when he asked me for my number a few days ago, I told him I had a boyfriend, because I don't plan to take things further with this guy while I am in a relationship, although I do enjoy flirting with him and am anxious to see him again.
For the 9 months I have been dating my boyfriend, I have been completely faithful to my boyfriend, but I must admit that I have noticed this work guy - I mean, I'm not married and am still young so I guess it's okay to always have your options open, right? I am wondering: Do most guys think that way too about their relationships, or is it just me?
I am wondering why the guy from work is flirting with me despite the fact that he knows I have a boyfriend, (pretty much every time I encounter him lately he says, "where's your boyfriend?") and I know he has a girlfriend but I have not met her.
It doesn't seem like he is flirtatious with any other girls at work, so I guess I'm wondering if he is interested in me in spite of his relationship. To be honest, I've been thinking about him...guiltily of course.
I guess I need some evaluation on why I am flirting with him and why he is flirting with me. My question is: Why would someone flirt while in a relationship if both people involved are already taken?
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Flirting with other guys to may be okay to some extent. But if you intent to let this go on for a long time, you may want to rethink your relationship with your boyfriend and this co-worker.
If you two have been together for 9 months and both of you think it's okay to flirt around with another person for extended periods of time, you two definitely need to talk and establish some solidarity between you two. Personally, if my boyfriend was doing what you were doing, I would be absolutely pissed off and wouldn't be able to trust him. Some guys are more sensitive to situations like this than others so I can't really speak for you boy. But I do know that if I was flirting with a co-worker the whole time I was at work behind his back, I would feel guilty AND he would not be happy and will reconsider our relationship or lack of.
Also, the fact that this co-worker of yours has a girlfriend and is flirting with you openly is sketchy. His girlfriend would not be happy. You may become "the other girl," whether it be true or not. And do you really think that this guy that is openly flirting with another person while being in a relationship is the "best choice"? I think that guys like him are always just out for the "thrill" and the "chase" - they want to know that they "still got it" and can "score chicks" even while they are in a relationship.
In my opinion, guys like that are just complete jerks and should not be messed around with. That's what they do and trust me, they will not be thinking of you nearly as much as you do of him.
You need to re-evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend. Do you really want to risk hurting his feelings and losing his trust (maybe even him) for a guy that is openly flirting with a girl while he has a girlfriend? Even if you two were to get together, do you want a guy that you know has no problems flirting other guys while he is a relationship with you? Do you really like HIM or the attention he is giving you despite your relationship status and his as well? Is it an infatuation or do you think it's more serious?
I would think more about this before making anymore flirtatious moves.
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Flirting is alright while your in a relationship as long as thats the way it stays but if your thinking more about this guy it could be because you like him which is very dangerous 9 monthes is quite awhile these days now it sounds like this guy likes you and your right your not married but your bf deserves to know whats going on whether you stay with him or not especially if he has been faithful to you now the only other reason you might flirt is because when your with someone for that long the new relationship feeling fades and everythings the same from day to day basis and you want that back.
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Flirting is OK, and even healthy. It makes you feel good about yourself to know someone is paying attention and thinks you're hot. It is good for your self-esteem. Even if you're in a relationship, as long as you follow "the rules," than you should not feel guilty at all for flirting, or even fantasizing. In fact, your partner is probably really enjoying your attitude, even if he doesn't quite know where it's coming from. Now--The Rules--there is really nothing set in stone, so you gotta think about it and figure what you feel comfortable with, but here's my rules, just to give you an idea...
1. My flirting should never be insulting to my partner. For example, it would not be fair for me to say, "You're way better looking than my boyfriend."
2. The best flirting always leaves the other person with a little question mark, meaning he should be thinking, "Hmmm, I wonder if she/he likes me. I wonder if he/she would consider dating me if he/she wasn't in a relationship." The point is, you don't want to flirt so much that the other person thinks they've got you in their back pocket and can have you any time they want, but they just haven't gone for it, yet.
3. The old golden rule applies here....treat others as you would like to be treated. Don't say or do anything that would hurt you to the core if you found out your boyfriend said or did it to another person. (what goes around comes around, right?)
I know you have probably considered cheating--it's only natural to bounce those ideas around in your head when you're wrestling with an outside-the-relationship crush, but just remember that if you cheat on your boyfriend with this new guy, the new guy will never really be able to trust you because he will already know you're a cheat. You want this new guy to be like, "wow, she's perfect! I would love to have her for my girlfriend!" not "well, she's cute, but I'd be a fool to make her anything more than a bed buddy." He will respect you more, dream about you more, and crush on you more if he knows you're a lady of your word, and you don't play dirty. Plus, he works with you, so that could add all kinds of unnecessary crap into your life if it doesn't work out. You can flirt with someone forever and ever, but once the line is crossed, you can never go back and nothing will be the same. Just enjoy it for what it is, and don't allow thoughts of someone else to affect the relationship you're already in, and definately don't compare. This new guy is new, so that means he's on his best behavior, got a whole bunch of stuff to talk about that you haven't already heard ten times before, and the excitement can seem so much better than the plain old boring, but the guy that has been there has proven himself and you can probably talk about things you would never say to the work guy. Don't forget to appreciate him for that.
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