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age: 19. My ex went back to his ex girlfriend. what do i do?
Ok well this is the story. I was with my previous boyfriend(lets say is name is lenny)for 4 years until I went off to college and we ended up breaking up 3 months(october/november) into the school year. Things weren't officially over until january. At the beginning of the school year i met a new guy friend(casey) and we meshed well. once me and lenny were officially over, one night i cried to casey about lenny and i came to find out that casey was going through the exact same thing as me. he was trying to let go of an ex and we found comfort in each other (sounds like a rebound i know, but honestly once meant to be that way). a month into us becoming closer we ended up dating. things were amazing! after about a month things started getting rocky. we were on and off and he was the one always ending it(he confessed he was scared i would hurt him). He was constanly going back home to dallas during this time. we finally took a good break and ended up getting back together once the summer started. we were having a long distance relationship as he was from dallas and i stayed in austin for the summer instead of going back to houston. casey told me he had never loved someone so quick and wanted to get married after college. one weekend things got really bad between us and he ended it( as always using the excuse of him feeling i would hurt him because i had so many guy friends). i ended up asking him if he still loved his ex girlfriend(i always felt she was the reason why he left), he said yes and i confessed I was also still in love with lenny(at the time i felt i still did). I told him "maybe we're better off being back with our exs" he just said "we do" I insisted in him trying to get her back since i thought i wanted luis. I could tell casey was sketchy about going back to her but since he saw i was still in love with lenny he would return to her. He called her that day and met up and got back together. I also tried doing the same with lenny but i had hurt him to much and he said it wouldnt be a good idea. I had decided that i would drive to houston and get lenny back(i knew if i talked to him in person i would). after really thinking i decided i didnt want lenny because he wasnt going any where in life. he was just stuck in our little community and i needed to better myself. throughout this process of me trying to get lenny back, casey was there for me. I ended up realizing that casey was the one i really loved but it was too late to get him back since he was back with his ex. (casey is the type of guy that once ends the relationship he will no longer talk to the girl. he doesnt cheat and always does the right thing) because of this i was scared he would kick me out of his life completely, but i understood. it ended up being that casey still wanted to text me and have me in his life. one night i confessed that i felt i was the "other girl" and i put an end to it and stopped all contact with him. a few days later, he contacts me and is upset on how i can forget about him so easily. I was only trying to do the right thing no matter how much i loved him. He's tore in between us two. he's in love with her and is in love with me too. he can no longer leave his girlfriend because he went back into her life and cant just leave again because it would be wrong. I'm afraid when school starts again and he comes back to austin, that he's going to come looking for me again and i wont know if its just because its convienant to him or because he'll realise that he really wants me. what do i do? i'm trying to be a women about this because i dont want to hurt anyone. (it might sound as if casey is a douche bag, immature and doesnt know what he wants as of now but he's a great guy. he taught me that i want an educated man in my life that has goals. I wish he would realise that about his girlfriend(she's not educated and it bothers him)) should i move on or really fight for him? or has the girlfriend already won the battle? i'm sorry its so long but i need some counseling from y'all.
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You and Casey both weren't ready for another relationship, You jumped the gun and you both rushed things. Relationships take time to get over and it doesn't always just "magically" go away when someone else comes along. You and Casey both leaned on one another but you know what else? You were a rebound, He was a rebound.
Lenny went back to his ex, After dating someone for 4 years I would start thinking that maybe Lenny never truly got over his ex all that time.
The number one thing I always tell everyone; You can never truly move on if you are still hung up on someone else. It is not fair to the person you are dating because the truth is..You can't truly love someone is you aren't over the other. This isn't about winning a battle, It's not a competition. Frankly, I would shit can Lenny. It is a pretty good slap in the face when someone goes crawling back to an ex.
My best advise, Move on completely and stay away from the drama. If you want a committed relationship then you need to find someone who wants to be in one. Casey isn't over his ex and him giving you the reason "I'm afraid you will hurt me" is his way of telling you he isn't ready. Lenny on the other hand, Hell if he wants to date an ex let him but don't go crawling back to him because you will just be putting yourself right back into her shoes.
Clean Slate; Meet someone new who is over their exes and wants a real relationship. Stay away from the ones that are fresh out of a break up, You won't find commitment that way.
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