|
She says she only wants to be friends, but she is the ONLY girl for me! HELP!?
I've known this girl for almost a year and she's such an important part of my life, she's my best friend, my lover, the girl I've always wanted. We became close very quickly over the summer and started to take it a step further once school started. Things were kinda rocky because she had a boyfriend who was a total ass but it took her awhile to break up with. She did eventually break up with him and so we officially started talking about a relationship. At that time I was 17 almost 18 and she was 15 almost 16. The only main concern was her parents accepting our relationship because I'm black and she's white so her parents told us to take it easy for awhile. Well things were really good until all of a sudden one day she tells me she likes being single more and doesn't feel like she's ready for a relationship. Usually I'm understanding but I've had this happen to me numerous times and this time was it so I got pissed and we got into a fight. Things sort of cooled down and we made up. About a week later she tells me to come to a bball game to hang with her so I go. I get there, we hug, talk, etc and then this guy comes and sits in front of her and lays back into her lap. At this point I'm hurting but trying to hide, everyone including her could see it. She asks if I'm mad and I just say I'm upset, we hug and talk for a bit and then I leave. She texts me and tells me she still likes me and I can't really remember the rest. So again things cool down, everything is normal and then she tells me she's going to a party with drinking at smoking. Once again I'm pissed because I'm straight edge and she herself said all that stuff was stupid. The day after that we get into a fight a huge fight and pretty much say we're done with each other. 2 days later she texts me saying she needs me more than anything she's ever needed before. The same goes for me because. I can't live without this girl. We have a moment, make up, but things didn't really get better. The more she partied, the less I saw her, the more we fought. She had pretty much changed from who she was and I told her that numerous times. I then find out she's talking to some other guy and he's pretty much the opposite of me, pothead, got in a wreck recently, etc... Then two weeks later the guy breaks it off with her and she's crushed. I tell I'm sorry but also tell her that she pretty much did the same to me and I've been hurting everyday since then. She tells me she loves and can't live without me. Let me add this, before she started acting out whatever she said to me like making promises, saying she can't live without me, she backed all that stuff up but as she started changing she stopped proving herself to me. So after that thing are ok, not great or better just ok. Whenever she'd tell me about a guy she'd say they're just friends I guess so I won't freak or maybe because she still has feelings. She still has flashes of her old self(who she really is), she recently said she's never smoking again because she had an epiphany but says she likes drinking too much to stop. She is the only person that has figured me out and I know she cares about me dearly but her current lifestyle has clouded all that. I told everything what she used to be and she said she wants to be that person again so bad and so do I. I know she still has feelings for me, she's coming to my graduation, she shows she still has the things I've given her. We don't talk as much as we used to which was all day everyday. I honestly, sincerely, cannot see myself with anyone else, even though I'm going to college I still want her around and she hates I'm going to college I just know, no matter how much she says she only wants to be friends, I just know she still has feelings for me and I won't give up until she finally realizes it. So what is your take on this? Is this a phase that she will grow out of and come running back to me?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Two things: This girl is young, This girl doesn't know what she wants.
To be honest, You are rushing her into being in a relationship she isn't ready for. When people break up with someone it takes time to get over it no matter how poorly they were treated. I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years, It took me well over 6 months before I was ready to date again. Everyone is different, Some people move on faster than others but you can't rush it. This girl is 16 years old and likely does not know what she wants out of her life. This doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings for you but from what you've said above she is confused and needs time. If she likes you as much as she says she does then why not just support her and let her come to you when she is ready as at this time it doesn't sound like she is ready for commitment and again she is young.
]
It is extremely rare that a person will grow out of that kind of phase. I've heard about many kinds of relationships like yours, and what I think is that when she keeps saying that she wants you after you two take a break, that means she is very insecure about herself, and she's desperate for anybody to tell her that they love her, and want to spend the rest of their life with her. Druggies are not the best kind of people to be in a relationship with because they get all bi-polar about everything, and they just ruin the connection with everybody that they "love." In my opinion, I think you should just let her go, and find someone who will never treat you like she does. Good luck.
]
in all honesty, i think you WANT it to be a phase she will grow out of and then come running back to you. kind of like a storybook ending or even a happily ever after, but life isnt always like that.
from what youve told me, and i rad every word you wrote... this isnt a phase, its a pattern. people change. its life. and shes a lot younger than you. it might not seem like a big age difference, but it is. youve been getting more mature, youre going to be going to college and living in the real world, but shes not. she is still, in a sense, innocent and wild.. you might be the best person in the world for her, but thats not what she wants right now. what she wants is a bad boy.. someone who is rebellious, just like she is.
BUT. she comes back to you, asking you to hang out and telling you that she wants to go back to the way it was before because you are her rock. you are her safe haven. she knows that youre going to be there for her no matter what, and she always seems to go back to you when she messes up or another one of her bad boys breaks her heart. and no matter how much you want her to change, she wont.. for right now. im not saying she never will, but for the next couple years, she might stay like this.
i know youre hung up on her, and she means alot to you.. but youre holding onto the OLD her, and she doesnt want to be the old her anymore. shes having fun now. she believes that she is having the time of her life being wreckless, but always having you to fall back on. and while she may still have feelings for you, they are not strong enough for her to change her ways.. and if they were really that strong to begin with, she wouldnt have just up and left you or even hooked up with other guys.
when she is with other guys, telling you that she still loves you, what do you think shes telling the guys ? she probably doesnt mention you at all, and if she does mention you, she is telling them that you mean nothing to her. [i know, it sucks and thats hard to hear, but guys wouldnt be with her if it wasnt true]
you need to stop hoping shell go back, because this pattern has been going on for a while and its not fair to you. i wish i could tell you what you want to hear, but i cant. she left you because she likes being single. thats where the real her and her age difference shows. if she didnt care enough about you then to stay with you, she doesnt care at all now.. even though she might say it to you.
she just wants you around to pick up her pieces when she feels low. she wants you there to tell her shes beautiful and awesome and how any guy would be lucky to have her. she wants you to chase her and follow her and lust after her because it makes her feel better when her world comes crashing down on her, or another boy breaks her heart. youre there for HER needs, not yours.
think about it: what has she done for you ? throghout this entire question, all i see is this entire thing being about her, and what you do for her, but not the other way around.
youve got to remember that youre going to college. you want her now because youre not giving any other girl a chance. shes not the only fish in the sea. you deserve better. you need to give up. if you give up and youre not there for her anymore, theres a chance she'll realize what she had when youre gone and actually change. but even that seems far-fetached from what youve told me because shes having the time of her life, without you.
i dont want to be harsh, but i want you to realize that this isnt healthy for you; its not fair, its not right, its not okay and you most definitely do NOT deserve this treatment.
yes, youll never forget her, but you will move on, you just have to let someone else move in.
dont see what you want to see, dont hope for the best.. see what is really there, who she really is right now, and let the past be the past. maybe in the future you can be together, but right now.. its most likely not going to happen. im really sorry :[
good luck ! hope i helped, and if you need anything else, feel free to inbox me ! xxo.
]
More Questions: |