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So it was me and my ugly self the whole time?
I am crying so bad as i right this i feel horrible right now, so my boyfriend looked at porn and i found out about a year and a half ago and i came online for help because i have such a low self esteem and i felt like i was not good enough when he did this. But when i came online everyone said it was normal well all the guys of course which makes sense for them to stick up for themselves ... then we started having less pleasurable sex but i thought at least we had sex and still i came online and asked if it it was normal but like always guys said it was supposedly normal...then he couldnt get hard by me at all..and we couldnt have sex and i did not why..and i was gonna break up with him, because it was the tenth time of his softness (by that i mean not being able to get hard) it was two days before valentines but on valentines day he asked me to see him since we've been together for 4 yrs almost an i agreed ...and we had sex and i asked him why he could and he said it was because he hadnt jacked off to pornography so we got back together and sometimes he got hard and sometimes he didnt but like always i looked up online and online it said it was probably stress and ect but not my fault and i tried to think i wasnt the reason for it i wasnt the reason he could not get hard because i have always been very depressed and suicidal and im afraid thinking that will just get me off the edge so anyway he stopped looking at it cause i got birth control and he could ejaculate inside of me and thought that was way better than jacking off ...i rarely have my period because of birth control but i had my period this week and he was jacking off my to breasts and ejaculating on me since i couldnt have sex but it baffled me that he could get hard everyday this week because i thought the problem was that he would jack off...but now i get it the problem was me because when he looked at porn then looked at me & couldnt get hard because the girls there are increadibly good looking and i admit im chubby i weigh 170 am 5 4 and i have 36D breasts and a normal size butt but a sort of chubby stomach and i just feel horrible because i asked him this and he said yes i think thats why..so this whole time it was me and i got to be honest i just feel like killing myself now that ive found this out..like i asked him so like after you saw them and then you saw me you didnt find me attractive? and he admitted yes but yet the whole time he couldnt get hard i would sob because i noticed like he would only get hard for a little while then i would try to get him in and he would get soft like after i took my clothes off and i felt horrible but he swore it was because he jacked off not because of me but if that was the case wouldnt he be getting soft now?! :( i just feel horrible cause i have horrible unreachable standards ill never be as good looking as them and i cant get this horirble thought of my head that the whole time it was me who couldnt get him up!!! :( :( :(
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Darlin', there are seven billion people in this world, so seven billion different ways of looking at the world and the people in it.
The dude is a porn addict. It has nothing to do with you. I mean, there are actually married guys who still jack it to porn. I don't get that myself, but each to his own.
He insulted you as a cover for his addiction. Now keep in mind that I look at porn, too, so I'm definitely not one of those nuts who is opposed to it. I just know an addict when I see one.
So what you do is drop this guy and seek out other men because if he liked you then there are other guys who would get in line to be with you. The takeaways from this experience is to first set boundaries, no porn while you and your new guy are together (this is one that I do voluntarily with new women); two, know what your deal breakers in a relationship are and strictly enforce them; three, don't internalize everything as your fault because often it won't be. Other folks are capable of being douchebags or just flat out dishonest or stupid.
Love yourself, try to relax and look at things rationally so you don't overthink yourself into an emotional pretzel. You will have other failed relationships, but they will help you arrive at your last relationship when you will finally find a partner who you can be with happily for the rest of your days. It's all about the learning process.
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There is nothing wrong with you sweetie. I'm not quite sure if you want to stay with this guy or not but I'll give you some advice for him or any future relationships you may have. There is a possibility that he's having emotional problems or he may not be in love with you. That could be causing his inability to get hard. There is an over the counter medicine from vitamin world called Vigrex. My husband uses it occasionally and it works great. If you really want to stay with him or even if you want to make your next man happy, try watching a little bit of porn with him, even if you really don't like it. Find out what things he's into and maybe even experiment a little and try them out. Make sure he knows that you're willing to give a little for the relationship but he needs to do the same for you. The sex shouldn't be all one sided because you have needs just the same as he does. If this guy can't fulfill your needs and can't make you happy, it's probably time to move on to someone that will make you happy. I hope this helps and good luck.
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Dump him. Your boyfriend is a lying asshole.
It isn't your fault, and it never was. Either he is lying that he didn't find you attractive before, or he has lied to you everyday since you meet him. That makes him the worse kind of emotionally abusive scum.
It is normal and healthy to watch pornography sometimes.
It's normal and okay for a couple who have been together for a while to loose a bit of the passion and have less sex.
It is not normal, or okay, or decent for your boyfriend to blame any of this on you. That makes him an asshole. He's a jerk who decided to retreat into his own world and ignore his relationship with you. He has abandoned you, lied to you and taken advantage of you.
Maybe it's not the porn. Maybe he has a health problem or it's the stress or it's something completely different.
Whatever it is, it's obvious he doesn't wish to be open and honest with you. He has chosen to insult you and neglect instead of facing any of the actual problems in your relationship.
I know it hurts, but you can't let the lies of one selfish creep ruin your life. Dump him. Never speak to him again. Cry it out and try to move on.
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