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How to be more outgoing ?


Question Posted Saturday May 21 2011, 4:44 pm

I am very quiet girl and I feel like no body knows who i am. If they heard my name they would probably ask " who's that?" also everyone gets invited to parties and so far ( from the beginning of the school year I have been invited to 2 low class parties not like a party that everybodywants to go to. I just want to know howto be mor outgoing. Sometimes I come home and cry because I feel lonely.. What do I do?

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VoiceofReason answered Monday May 23 2011, 4:27 am:
The only way to get over shyness is to just take more social chances. Yeah, really tough, but reality is what it is. So you have to be willing to just start talking to people. You basically have a captive audience in your classroom, so if some girl is wearing a nice outfit, say that, and continue the conversation by asking where she shops and all that crap.

This has to be undergirded, though, by you liking yourself. People gravitate to folks who have a positive opinion of themselves. So let me ask you the following questions:

1. Do you act ethically?
2. Do you always do your best at whatever you take on?
3. Are you intelligent?
4. Do you have compassion for others?

I'm pretty sure that the answers in your case to all those questions are yes. So seeing that you're already such a good person then people will like knowing you. So give them a chance to sort of get socially dug into you by making small talk. Don't come at people all at once, just be relaxed, smile a lot and try to get others to talk about themselves and you'll be in.

As for the crying due to loneliness, that's pretty counterproductive. I understand the insecurity that teens go through at that age and women use attention as a way to evaluate their worth (another faulty concept though that may be). Instead of focusing on being sad at not being at the parties with the popular crowd (who are mostly jackasses anyway), work at making yourself a smarter, more informed person and engage in some hobbies. Learn to play electric guitar well. That will immediately up your cool factor with guys since not many girls, relatively speaking, do that and studying music is good for your mental development anyway.

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whatalifetime answered Sunday May 22 2011, 9:39 am:
First of all, never forget you are not the only one feeling like this! In all actuality, for most of these cool parties people are in some way inviting themselves (which is slightly rude on their part). Secondly, have you considered you may be severely underestimating yourself? It is common to feel "no one remembers me" especially as we age and social situations become even more complicated. Think of it this way at least you got invited to two! Some people have not even gotten there yet. In the end, try your best to overlook what others or thinking, do exactly what makes you happy and in time friends and parties will come. Plus the best things are worth waiting for! Good luck!!

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