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best friends
I'm a 16 year old girl and my best friend is also the same. A month ago we got into a very big fight. It was mostly my fault, I lied to her about a few little things and made a big fit over the fact that she had told someone else I lied. I only lied because I saw her hanging out with a different type of crowd and I was afraid if I wasn't the same as them I was going to end up losing her. I've been through alot in my life and I've had alot of people leave n screw me over.. I just didn't want that to happen with her. She's very important to me and I was only scared. I keep trying to explain this too her lately but she dosnt want to talk to me or even give me a chance. I know this means she only cares because this is what's she does when she's afraid of getting hurt, she pushes people away. Well now I know her boyfriend is cheating on her and I dont know if I should just karma take its place since she's being so mean to me and not letting me talk.. or if I should b "nice" like I always am to people, and tell her? All my friends are saying let her get hurt like she's hurting you by pushing her away.. but I guess im kinda hoping if I do the right thing and tell she'll see im not trying to hurt her. I just don't know if I should let our relationship go or not, we're real close like sisters..
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You sound almost exactly like me haha. I've been in similar situations.. I've had a lot of friends in my past (i'm 18) and a lot of them have screwed me over and our friendships have ended because of stupid things. Up until my junior year in high school (last year) I didn't have a best friend. I felt so alone because I didn't have a girl friend like a sister. I usually went shopping with my mom. I didn't have sleepovers or anything like that. But then I met a friend Olivia. It was crazy how similar we were... we became best friends and did everything together. I honestly thought I would never find a best friend. But then towards the end of junior year and the start of senior year, things got difficult. We both had boyfriends and it seemed like we were always competing against each other. Who had the better boyfriend, who had prettier clothes, who had more money, who had more friends etc. I don't know why this happened, and I dont know how it got that way.. But soon enough she got fed up with me and we got in a big fight. She decided never to speak to me again. I was so upset because like I said earlier, many of my friends have left me in the previous years, and I just wanted someone to stay my friend for a long time.
During all of that happened, I had a boyfriend. We are still dating and have been for almost 10 months. He stood up for me and made me feel better. When Olivia and I separated as friends, he made me realize that I don't need a "girl friend" to be happy. I don't need a "best friend" in order to be happy. It took me a while to realize it, but he was right. The only reason I wanted to be friends with Olivia was just for the sake of having a best friend.. I realized that's not okay, and I just should live my own life, let things happen naturally, and be happy. After a while, I also realized that my boyfriend is actually my best friend :) We can do anything together.
My point is- It sounds like you were lying to your friend, just for the sake of having a friend. That was my problem too, and that is not okay. I mentioned that my boyfriend is my best friend. Well to be honest, it just kind of happened by itself. We didn't force the relationship or friendship, it just happened. So take my advice, next time you have a friendship, don't lie or be something you're not, just in order to have a friend. Trust me, you will make MANY more friends (friends who are loyal to you and are TRUE friends) if you just act the way you are. Be yourself and instead of going to look for friends, let them come to you. Try joining some different activities and make friends that way. Oh and if your friend was hanging with a different crowd, and you had to lie in order to "fit in", that is also not okay. If you don't fit in with the crowd, then just go find another one. I know high school sucks because of all the cliques and groups, but that's just the way it is.. My high school experience will be over in 12 days (i'm graduating!!!) and I never once belonged in a group. I didn't have a clique to fit in, but you know what? i survived. And so can you. It will be alright if you can't find a best friend, or a clique. College will come soon and I've already been in campus for a few days and trust me everything is different there. There aren't as many cliques (because nobody cares about them anymore) and everyone is friendly and outgoing. So honestly, go through your last few years in highschool, don't worry about finding a best friend, or groups. Just let it happen naturally. If it was mean't to be, then it was mean't to be. And most importantly- Smile and Have fun with your life :)
And to answer your question- I think it would be wise to tell her the truth. She deserves to know the truth about her boyfriend cheating. You've told enough lies, the one thing you can do right now is tell the truth.. Yes I know you want to let her get hurt and make her feel pain, but honestly... what kind of person would you be if you did that? You may not have her as a friend, but at least be proud of who you are. Have some dignity and do the right thing. If she is pushing you away, fine. Let her. She won't learn anything from this if she does that.. it only makes her less of a person, instead of being mature and actually communicating about it with you. Tell her the truth to her face, then walk away and see if she follows you. If she is a true friend, she will follow you and realize you're not trying to hurt her. If not, well thats high school for you. Big deal. Like my boyfriend said to me- You don't need a best friend in order to be happy in your life.
good luck and inbox me if you need more help :)
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I think whatever you do in this case will only hurt your friend. If you tell her that her boyfriend is cheating on her she may feel you are trying to hurt her because you are hurt that she is not talking to you. When she finds out on her own or if someone else tells her her boyfriend is cheating on her she is still going to be hurt.
If she asks you if you knew and why you didn't tell her you simply say; You didn't want to hurt your relationship anymore than it has been and felt it would be better for someone else to told her.
As her friend the best thing you can do is to wait fro the inevitable to happen and then be there to help her through the hurt.
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