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Dont know what to do
I will be married to my husband 2 years in August. We have two children. I work full time he does not and its a major problem since ive known him he will not keep a job. he had a job end of jan. and quit the begining of april. He doesnt even look for a job or help around the house. Ive pleaded with him but he acts like im kidding about it. we dont talk much anymore or it seems like it we hardly ever even kiss each other. he doesnt hold me. i work pretty much monday - friday some weekends 8-9 hours a day but im usually home by 3 pm plenty of time to spend together. i asked him to clean up the yard 2 months ago and hasnt even attempted. i love him to death i just dont know what else to do. alot of the time i just want to ask him to leave and give up he and my son are always in to it (his step son) he seems to favor my daughter which is both of our child. he he is constantly spending what ever money we get and just takes it out of my wallet then denys it but i know he did.
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Hello!
Although I'm not a marriage counselor, here's my take on the situation. Although you two have a daughter with each other, this lifestyle cannot be led anymore. Your husband needs to help out, in fact, I personally believe it's his obligation to work and provide just as much as it is yours. I can understand if he were going through something really troubling at this time of his life, perhaps a recent death of a family member, or some sort of injury. But he's taking your hard work for granted. Not only is he dismissing your concern over him not looking for a job, he uses your money for unknown reasons. You really need some sort of evidence of him taking that money from your wallet, like a videotape. Because if he denies it, you'll have the proof. I'm not sure how old your children are, but if he is not listening the nice way, you're just going to have to hit him where it hurts the most. Take your children and leave. He needs to make an effort for his daughter at least. He's not setting a good example for her. Your son obviously doesn't like seeing you work hard as opposed to your husband who stays home doing ...?
Talk to him one last time. Put your foot down. And if he doesn't look for a job, tell him you're done. He'll just keep taking advantage of you if you don't. If he says he will look for one, tell him he needs to stick with it. He can't jump from place to place... stability IS needed. And let him know if he doesn't keep his promise, things are over. It is unfair for him to keep doing this. And if you can, look for a marriage counselor. I'm sure they can help out way more! I hope I've helped in some way, and good luck.
-Uniq
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As someone who was forced to grow up with a stepdad who is basically like your husband, I'm telling you - get out now. He doesn't work, doesn't help, doesn't like your son, doesn't seem to really like you. Do you know how awful it is to be a child and see a man like that living in your home? Its horrible, trust me. It will make your kids lose a lot of respect for you. Soon they will treat you as bad as he does, because they will learn you are a weak pushover. He takes the money you go out to earn for your family?! Girl, I don't care how lonely you are or what your issues are, get out now. Take a stand. Have some respect for yourself, but if you can't do that, then have some respect for your children and the life you are forcing them to live. They will not love you for staying, I promise you that. They will resent you and feel angry toward you. They will feel that you picked your loser husband over their own happiness. If you have any love for them you will tell your husband you deserve better and you will take your kids and leave. Tell him he is free to see his daughter but you will not let her grow up thinking that he is a good example of the kind of man she should end up with. And yes, statistics tell us that your daughter will grow up to choose the same kind of men you do. Is that what you want? Leave, make a good life for yourself. Maybe when he sees you are serious about not being a pushover anymore he will step up and change his ways. Maybe he won't. Either way, your feelings are not the most important thing in this situation (no matter how much you love him), your kids' feelings are. And find a way to get help to figure out why you choose men like this in the first place. Its not normal. I wish you luck. I hope you find the strength to stand up for your kids and yourself and do the hard things. Good luck.
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