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Sweetest guy with a slight problem...
So I've been with this new guy for a few months now, about 4 really, we are both 19, and hes the sweetest guy I've ever dated. He treats me amazing! I am really falling in love with him I already do love him as a person because he is just so amazing and admirable and a genuinely nice person (you don't find many out there), he told me he loved me the other day and he always tells me how amazing I am and beautiful, etc etc. Everything is going wonderful, except he has a small problem. The first four times we tried having sex, he came prematurely. Within the first 3 to 5 minutes. This frustrated him, because he said he never had this problem before. Thing is before I met him, he used to be very much overweight, and he has lost all of it the year before I met him. He is extremely skinny and has gained a lot of muscle instead. He looks very good now. For some reason though, he couldn't last. He also said he never masturbated because when he was losing all that weight, working out replaced masturbation. He hadn't done it in over 7 months.
Then, one night we came home after both having been drinking, and he lasted a veryyy long time, which made me think, okay, hes over the nerves that may have caused him to do that the first few times, and now it will be fine. After that he lasted a decent amount for a few times. Recently though, he's starting to get this problem again, and its becoming a serious issue because of how upset its making him. He isnt able to last for more than 5 to 10 minutes maximum, sometimes less than that. He gets extremely sad and frustrated and sex is not even enjoyable for him, and in turn me. I reassure him it's okay all the time but of course, him being a guy, hes not going to believe me. I keep telling him that we need to do it more and more to practice and hes going to get better at it, but hes convinced he has a problem. The other night, I was going to tell him that I was there for him and we'd work through it together and when I said "I want to tell you..." he interrupted me in a sad voice and said "that my penis is useless..." I was in such shock I'd never heard him say something so detrimental to himself before and of course I corrected him and assured him but he kept saying "don't keep trying to say its okay, it's not okay"
I don't really know what to do, I told him maybe he can go to the doctor or something but he said he doesn't know what the doctor can do really. And I really don't know what to say to him to make him feel any better about it because this is a sensitive issue for guys. He keeps saying he wants to make me happy and I keep telling him he does, all the time. But he still feels shitty about it. What can I do, or what can he do, so we can fix this problem?
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Well, he could always blame the situation on you for being too hot *lol
Actually, what we have here is a vicious cycle. The more he tries to suppress the urge to cum the more likely the trigger will be pulled before you reach orgasm.
Fortunately, there are a couple of ways to deal with this:
1. Give him a handjob or a blowjob or a combination to completion as part of your foreplay. This will desensitize him somewhat once he gets hard again. Then you have him eat you to orgasm, by which time he will probably be ready for penetration.
2. The trick is not to think to oneself about putting off cumming, but to just empty your mind completely. Have him relax so that his body is limp but yet his penis is still hard. He should make his mind blank. He inserts the penis and then starts to thrust while his mind focuses on nothing. It's like he becomes a fuck machine. His muscles should be completely limp as he does this. Then after you've cum, he can turn his brain back on and cum himself.
This takes a little time to completely get used to, but it works.
He obviously wants to please you. But he just needs to relax. Good luck to the two of you.
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I'm glad you have found a sweet guy who you care about enough to try to help him.
It sounds like your guy is insecure. This is totally expected, as MANY people who are overweight feel insecure even after losing the weight. They still feel like the heavy person they used to be.
Now he has a new girlfriend that he really likes, and all he wants to do is impress you. I'm sure he didn't have a lot of sex when he was heavy, and now he just wants to be his best.
This may just be a psychological problem that he needs to get over. With some time, practice, and reassurance, he can overcome it.
You need to stress to him that you do enjoy having sex with him (even if it could be better) and simply just being with him. Tell him sex is not the important part of the relationship, and you would be with him even if you couldn't have sex.
Make him feel really sexy and confident. Come on to him and whisper things to him like 'You're so sexy', 'I want you so bad right now' etc. Do foreplay to get him in the mood. Perhaps before you actually have sex you could give him oral sex and make him come. I've heard that guys last longer when they masturbate before sex, so maybe that is something you could do a few hours before sex? Just an idea.
I think you should just give it more time and let it improve naturally. Open communication is key. Don't let him silently feel horrible about this.
If more time goes by and there are no improvements, maybe he should visit a doctor. There are things like Viagra out there for a reason!
If you two can work through this together, then it will be worth it in the end.
Good luck,
-Abby
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