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I let my ex boyfriend effect me too much!
This is kinda long.... But I'm currently in a relationship, but for some reason, my ex always gets to me.
Our relationship was very strong, with an open trust and intense compatibility. We had such a good chemistry, and everything was going great. He was helping me with my depression issues and making my life better. Until we broke up. He didn't have the courage to tell me that he was breaking up with me because of my flaws, and instead told me he didn't want drama when his dad came to town. I ended up waiting for his decision to get back together for a week, but in the end he dumped me. He still wanted to be friends, but I refused in fear of becoming attached to him again, and I take a long time to get over breakups. A few days later, he asked if I wanted to get back together. I told him to wait. But being a big baby, he said no. I waited for him, and he didn't wait for me. That was when I knew he wasn't worth it.
We remained friends for a while, until he was being a jerk. He'd pick on me and taunt me, when he knows I am sensitive, and when I confronted him, he went to being a big baby. He told me he didn't care about me and that I had issues. I didn't let it bring me down. We tried being friends once more, and then I learned just yesterday he was writing dirty, hurtful, hateful things about me, and drawing pictures of me doing very graphic, slutty things, because he knows I am not a virgin. I ignored him and now we don't talk.
I can't fix something that has been broken so many times after so many attempts. I don't want him in my life anymore. I'm through. Still, whenever I am around him, I feel sick, upset, and angry. I drown in emotions. For instance, today, I ran into him by accident at lunch and he pushed past me. Afterwards I felt like throwing up. I let him effect me so much and I am sick of it. Why do I have such an emotional attachment to him? I need help.
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Well,
I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL! Haha, okay maybe not exactly but, I have had a very, very similar experience. Here, I'll share:)
Like you, our relationship was lovely. He was also a coward when it came to breaking up cause he did it in a text. Four days after he begged/guilted me into giving him head but THATS a whole nother story. Anyway... He also tugged me around a bit after. Asked for me back and I said well lemme think for a sec, cause you kinda just broke my heart (which is probs what you were thinking in your situation as well which, my friend, we are not crazy, thats NORMAL) and he was like eh, nah, Ima go get with some other girls. He wanted to be friends and I, also like you, was hesitant cause ooobvi we still liked the stupid boys, why torture ourselves? and basically everytime we tried to be friends, one of us would start a fight and it was horible. He would start fights with me, call me all kinds of terrible names, lead me on some more (but that was only cause he wanted some action, don't worry, heaven forbid he ever actually apologize for any previous actions). THENNNN this is also where our stories get crazy similar. He told all his buddys the stuff we did together (like how far we went). He ALSO decided to make some stuff up. He told them we "fucked" and that I "let him do whatever he wanted in bed" and that when he was on top he was "scared he was gonna break" me cause I'm "so tiny". Which, hey, that's cool. I like making up stories and telling the whole school too. Lets break my heart somemore please.
NOW. After all that would you believe that kid still affects me?? Yep. Everytime I see him I can feel my body preparing itself for a break down. It's like it still kills me to see him with any other girl. It's like I want to kill him and then bring him back to life so I can make him explain himself to me. And THATs the problem my dear. What you and I both suffer from is "lack of closure". These guys... they did soooo much shitty stuff to us. And we never got to find out why. And let me tell you sweetheart, you didn't deserve anything he did to you. It sounds like he tried to justify it all by saying he didn't care about you and that you had issues but the truth is, he's the one that's messed up. He's the one that can't handle his emotions in any other way than to hurt you and sperad rumors and draw stupid pictures. The sad part is, he's never going to admit that. He's never going to give you the closure you need, and the satisifaction of an apology. What's making all of this so hard is you have to do that all for yourself. And it sucks, so much, I know. This boy did horrible things to you and you're never going to be able to know why. You still have an emotional attachment because he literally took a piece of you with him, and he's not going to give it back. When someone, anyone, hurts you like this boy did, it's impossible to forgive and forget when he's given nothing for you to forgive. He's immature and stupid and he's left you with a big job. Recovering.
Don't worry, you can do it. You gotta tellyourself everysingle day that you didn't deserve what he did to you. That he's a scum bag and not worth your time. He's not going to tell you what he did was wrong, but it was. You are clinging to him emotionally becaause you are waiting for some kind fo reassurance that you're better than the way he treated you. If you want anymore advice on this part of the moving on, I will be happy to help, inbox me, and I will continue.
Goodluck!
xoxo
LoLLiPoP
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I am so sorry this happened to you. You seems such a wonderful girl and I believe that you do not deserve to be treated that way.
There was this same situation that happened to me before with this guy. But the difference is that I was the one who stopped whatever it was going on between us because I felt like I was being suffocated (not literally) when I was with him and he had this dirty mind that went overboard sometimes. Then I thought we could still be friends but he was so bitter about what happened that he became mean to me. He told one of my friends that I only used him and that I cheated on him. He also said some awful things to his friends that offended me so much.
I was so affected by the things he said and sometimes it would reach to the point that I was so angry that I burst in to tears. It hurts because it wasn't true. After three to four months of ignoring each other. We finally got in touch with each other and I forgave him and he said he was sorry and we were friends again.
Maybe the reason he is being mean to you is because a part of him still likes you deep inside. And maybe he feels bitter on what happened between you two. So what he does is say this awful things at you thinking that if you feel bad he will feel better.
I suggest you give it time. I know it's hard to ignore old feelings but you can always try. Try to give each other space. Time heals all wounds. Maybe you both just need to think things out and for the mean time learn to live life without each other.
You can do it. you can survive this. There is more to life than him. You have to learn to concentrate on more important things than worrying about him for example studies, family, a job, or your friends. Try to take your mind of of him and make yourself feel better by enjoying life. Go out with your friends and just have fun. Forget him. If he hurts you and makes you feel bad then he is not worthy of you. There are a lot of guys who would be so lucky to have you as their girlfriend and it's his loss.
Don't forget to smile :)
xoxo
Juliet
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I am soo sorry! That's so mean of him! I would do your best to ignore him and if that doesnt work then spread secrets about him to people and he will learn to stop. Confront him again and make it loud do people can her and say "Listen here jerk! No girl is ever going to want to go back out with you again! I am a good person but your the complete opposite! Your only being a bitch about it cause you know I wont take you back. So how about you get a life and go find another girl to put your pinky sized penis in" I hope u dont think that sounds mean but he wil stop! Trust me.
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