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Need advice regarding a breakup
Recently my girlfriend of 2 years told me that she wanted to take a break. We are in a long distance relationship and I live in Japan and she lives in America. I always thought we were a solid couple and I still love her a lot. I talked to her on the phone today and told her all of my feelings. She said that the reason she wants to take a break is because she only has 1 month left of college studying abroad in America before she comes back to Japan to study, and wants to spend time with friends there before she has to return to school in Japan. I'm really confused because she said she loves me and stuff but that she just feels conflicted because she wants to spend time talking to me and also doing things with her friends and that she doesn't have time for both. I have told her we could talk maybe only once a week to give her space but we did that for a couple weeks and now she says that since we never talk she feels like she doesn't know me anymore!
I'm working in Japan so I figured I will see her in a month, which makes me so surprised that she would break up with me a month before we will see each other again. Maybe it is true that she just wants to have more time with friends and stuff but I get the feeling she likes another guy.
I just feel so heart broken. We are both in our early 20's and this is my first big break up. I'm still very much in love with her and I have told her all this but I don't think she feels the same anymore. I wanna know if anyone has advice on how or what to do to get her back? Should I give her lots of space for a couple weeks or so? Should I still send her messages occasionally or is it better if I just stop talking to her?
Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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I think you should just let her do her thing. If you love her, you want what's best for her. And if she says a break is what's best, a break is what's best. This is just a guess, but she might just be unsure of if she wants a relationship with you still. A break would be helpful - the time apart would give her time to either miss you or realize that she doesn't want you in her life anymore. The once a week thing probably just makes her still feel committed and tied down, yet separated from you. How is she during your once a week talks? Is there lots of smiling, laughing, and eye contact (if you Skype)? Or is it mostly you talking, not lots of excitement, short answers, mundane questions? That should give you a hint as to what she wants.
I feel bad for you man. I really do. I just went through my first serious break-up-- I was with my ex for a year and a half, he wanted to marry me. I feel like I did to him what your girlfriend is doing to you. I realized I had no future with my ex and then once I found another guy who treated me like I should be treated, it was very easy to cut ties. I'm not saying that's what your girlfriend is doing, but it seems like she's definitely hanging on the "should I be with him / should I not" edge.
Do you have plans in the near future to live in the same country? I know she's coming back to Japan to study, but will you two be actually living in the same country for an extended period of time? If not, you may just want to call off the relationship yourself. Youth is for the living-- no matter how amazing this girl is, its not worth the heartache to have a distressing, long-distance relationship. A break definitely sounds right for both of you.
Good luck kid, I hope everything works out for you.
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Hey,
The way I see it, she doesn't want to break up with you, she just wants to "take a break" as you mentioned above. I think your gf said this because she thinks she is neglecting you, when she is trying to make time to spend with her friends in America. It is hard to communicate on a daily basis when her friends want to hang out, she has daily activities to do, and needs to plan time for you.
It seems funny that she agreed to the "let's talk one day a week" and then says its not enough. If she really wanted to talk to you, she would make the time to no matter what. She just needed a break, so I think she still wants to see you in a month. I don't get the feeling that she likes another guy at all. If you want her back, leave her a message saying "I am looking forward to seeing you in a month, please get back to me when you have time, I love you" and leave it at that.
If she loves you as much as she says, she will reply when she can. It could take hours, days, or weeks, but don't call/message her again until she replies. If for some reason she asks why you didn't call her, tell her you left a message and hoped she would get it. You should make sure she knows you love her, would like to hear more from her and be sure to ask her how everything is going.
Calling everyday or so does get to be a bit too much. Leave her with a message (every one-two weeks) and don't call/talk anymore unless she calls you or asks that you call her. It will be hard to restrain yourself from doing so, but once she knows you are just trying to be there for her, she will come around. Not talking to her doesn't help, communication with understanding does <3
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