|
I want him to need me
Ok befor I begin I want u to know that I'm not selfish just a little needy! I have been in a serious relationship for some time now, I love him but I sometimes feel like I want more from him. I want him to want me to be there for special occasions and important times in his life, and although I know he'd like me to be there if I say I'll think about it he says it's ok don't worry about it. I want him to show me he wants me to be there or needs me. He's still a little bit of a mommas boy and I know it's his mom but I think it's time for him to grow up and need her less! Makes me feel like sometimes I need go compete with her. Buy the better clothes or choose the better movies! Now I might sound super attached but I love this guy and I want our future to be me and him not me him and his mom. I just seem to always need to feel needed and I dunno if it's my problem, his or both of ours I just want to know how to make it better!
Btw we r great on communicating this is just a really sensitive topic, I don't want him to choose between 2 people. his mom is great and I love her like family I just feel like I need him not to be a mommys boy!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You haven't been fair here. You admit that you know they are important times in his life, yet when he asks you... you say you will think about it. That would make him think you didn't want to. He isn't going to ask again... simply because he has manners and wants to give you the freedom to do what you want.
He is putting your needs above his own, and you are on here complaining about that? What? :-)
You didn't really mention any specific things that make you feel he is a "mama's boy" so it is hard for us to know what you mean. This might be worth a separate question with examples of behaviour you don't like.
What I am getting out of this question is that you are feeling threatened by his mother's love. That you feel the need to compete, when there is NO way to compete with that, nor is there any reason to try. Why? Because they are COMPLETELY different kinds of love.
Again, the example you gave about answering "I'll think about it" to something that you KNOW is important to him is a very bad thing to do. You are faulting him for respecting your wishes.
I know you want him to beg you to go... so you will feel special, right? Problem: When someone makes it clear that they are NOT interested, which is what you did here, why would they force themselves on you unless they are a control freak?
So you see his choice is to become some crazy person who begs you to do everything, or to be a mature human being and respect your wishes.
He chose to be respectful, and you don't like that.
You can't have it both ways.
The question makes you sound incredibly insecure and needy to an outside person. Have you had any counseling to help you deal with your insecurities rather than taking them out on your boyfriend?
If not, would you consider seeing someone who might be able to help you work out why you treat people this way?
I hope everything works out for both of you.
]
Honey, being needy is a form of being selfish. That's the definition. It's not always wrong - but being needy is always about trying to get what you want.
We all want to be needed, and to be special to our partner, but you are taking it a bit too far when you start to feel jealous of his mother.
Your future, if you have one, will be you and him. And him and his mom. That connection isn't going away. His life would be less rich if it did.
If you have concrete issues you want to talk about with your boyfriend, that will be much easier to communicate about. If you only have a vague feeling of wanting to more special than he mom - that IS selfish and will cause trouble.
Love isn't a competition. Focus on the real problems: Are you being interpreted? Neglected? Ignored? Undermined by him or his mom? What is it that is actually happening that is contributing to your resenting his mother.
Instead of dwelling on only those vague negative feelings, try to think of concrete ways your boyfriend could help you and his mother get along better, or concrete things you think your boyfriend needs to work on to manage his relationship with you better. If you want to be with him for a long time, it's worth it for you all to put in the effort to get along.
ALSO
Stop playing games! If you want to be someplace, be there. Don't pull that "I'll think about it" shit! That's mean, and immature and petty. Your boyfriend is only being polite when he says "Oh, that's okay." You are the one who is in the wrong when you try and 'test' your partner like that. Stop it. It's mean and disrespectful and you'll NEVER get your needs met when you behave that way because no man will ever know what your needs actually are!
You are the one who is screwing up your great communication when you pull stunts like that. Be honest. Pay attention to real problems. Don't go around making problems up by testing people, or trying to make them prove how much they want you around.
]
Hey.
You dont sound nedy or selfish i think all girls want out guys to do this.
If hes a momma's boy sit him down talk to him about it ,After you do this maybe do one with his mother there.
If he tells u "dont worry about it"I think he wanted you to say YES YES ill go .
If you want a future with him tll him that,You guys will both need to make some changes
]
More Questions: |