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Friend issues!
14/f, friend is 15/f
I love my best friend to death. We never used to fight, but lately we have been having little heated arguments, nothing serious but a big fight could easily happen. I have to be careful what I say because she overreacts and gets really mad about nothing but it's not her fault because there are family issues. I know friends fight and usually break up eventually but I don't want it to end, especially with a fight. Please help! What should I do? Thank you!
Also I always try to stop the arguments but she just says too late or idc. Sometimes it's her fault sometimes it's mine. We always make up but still.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
oh boy i know how you feel. you're listening to the the queen of ex-friends. i can't tell you how many friends i used to have but then eventually we separated.
just like the other person said, it could be because you both are too close. give each other some space and hopefully you'll miss each other and want to hang out after a few weeks
also, don't pressure your friendship. dont make the same mistake i did. I had a really good best friend. we were like sisters. but i always felt pressured to keep the friendship alive. like if we had a fight, i'd always feel pressured to not let it get out of hand and i would pressure myself to keep us together no matter what.. but you know what? thats not good. what if you 2 had a fight about an issue that REALLY mattered to you?
for example- lets say she stole something. you think that is horrible but she thinks its not a big deal. you 2 have a fight about it. lets say the fight gets really heated up. are you just going to "give up" because you dont want to lose her? or are you going to stand up for what you believe is right? my mistake was that it would get to the point where i had to give up on the fights just so we could stay friends. she would always win the arguments because i was too scared to stand up for myself and was too scared to lose her as a friend. Then there was 1 fight where things got really bad. she made a promise but didnt keep that promise. she claims "she was doing the right thing" but i got so mad at her and said she was disloyal because she didnt keep that promise to me.
what's the point in keeping a friend, if you can't even stand up for yourself and say how you feel?
i know you want to stay friends with her.. but is it really worth it if you have to "end the fights before they get out of control?" in my opinion, i would rather say how i feel and stand up for my beliefs and possibly lose that friend.. than to not speak my mind and live in fear of losing that friend.
in other words, what good is a friend if you can't even be honest with them about your feelings? if you're in a fight with her and you're mad at her, don't you want to stand up for yourself and prove your point? instead of just giving up and saying "my morals/beliefs aren't important because i dont want to lose this friend"
if you have to "be careful of what you say" and "stop arguments" and "hide your beliefs from her" then whats the point in having her as a friend??
in all honesty, you can find a friend much better than her. a friend who will actually listen to what you have to say. don't you want a friend who you can be around and don't have to worry about saying the wrong things? dont you want a friend who you can stand up for yourself and not be scared of losing them?
1 more thing- life sucks. you're gonna lose someone sooner or later. face the truth. if you're going to have a friend, it better be a friend whom you feel comfortable with and don't have to be living in fear or pressure to "keep them".
if you say the wrong thing, or if a fight breaks you guys up.. well then that sucks. thats life. move on. stop trying to "keep the friendship alive" especially if it means hiding your beliefs and being scared to stand up for yourself.
inbox me if you have more questions
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You should give each other some space. Sometimes when friends fight a lot it's because they are always around each other and it gets old for the both of you. Give each other some space and see what happens from there. You might miss each other and realize that fighting is stupid. You might not miss each other at all and realize it's better if you just weren't friends.
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