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so complicated and now hes acting weird...
im 18/f and hes 19/m
me and this guy have been non stop talking for the past two months. ive talked to him on and off for the last year though, but he had a girlfriend at the time so i didnt really pay that much attention. They broke up 5 months ago after being together for 5 years. for three of those months i was just there on the odd occasion to help him through his messy breakup. But eventually he started opening up to me more and more, and before i knew it we were texting each other non stop, and we were both scared yet so amazed at how much we are alike. How we've always wanted to find the 'boy/girl' versions of ourselves...everything was going perfectly, i mean i found that guy i had been dreaming about since i was 5...Then he over reacted to a fb post i sent one night because i wasn't sure he was into me...and sure enough we got into a fight :( this fight only lasted a matter of hours because i need him, even as a best friend in my life. So anyway, he told me amongst the fight that he DOES like me and whatnot but he said its too soon for him to date again and that he wants to fool around with other girls and have it mean nothing before settling down in a rest of his life relationship with me. Naturally i was hurt by this, but i know how much i didn't want to lose him, so i accepted it and told him that i wouldn't have feelings for him again and that i understood.
Then things got really heated with us...we grew even closer to the point we were sexting and sending photos to each other...Things were better then ever between us, and i was positive he had feelings for me, so i tried to cover up my own feelings cause i promised him i wouldn't let myself like him in that way again. Then one night he was texting me, telling me how amazing i was and how he hopes to find a girl like me because we will never date... that stung so so badly. I was upset, and sure enough it led to a massive fight...this time it lasted for 3 days...and those three days were the most horrible days in my life. because not only did i lose the guy i liked more then anyone before...but i lost my best friend, he confessed during the fight that he did like me again, and how stupid he was for thinking about ever dating me etc etc. eventually he forgave me..but things weren't the same between us... That fight was almost a month ago now...and things still aren't ok between us... he doesn't flirt with me at all anymore. only when he's a bit horny. He doesn't text me any where near as much as he used to...and i miss that. miss it alot. Our conversations when he does text doesn't last long at all...when they used to last for hours. i miss the way we used to be before the second fight.
Whats even more confusing...is that he is so overly protective of me about being with other guys. He gets ridiculously jealous if i even joke about getting with another guy. He told me that him and his best friend (a girl) got really jealous cause he was talking to her about me. and then they got into a fight cause she's in love with him too apparently. but he told me that he doesn't have any feeling for her at all. then he tells me that he was telling her "I was telling her how much alike we are, and how much i like talking to you. and some other stuff that i'm not going to tell you about...she even called you my future wife and i told her to piss off" then i told him my own friends had said something along the same lines as that. and he then told me "i feel bad now :(... cause were never going to date and they probably think we are :(" and then i told him that i sorted that all out and that i told them that nothing will happen between us. and he suddenly started getting all weird and being like "oh okay" and not responding to my text at all about us never being together. yet he's the one that said we're never going to happen. Its constantly like this, if i say something about us not being together or something, hes the one that gets all defensive, when hes the one that says it has to be this way. He's allowed to go out and flirt/sleep with other girls...and if i even joke about doing the same he flips out.
we met up the other night for the 2nd time at one of his bands gigs cause the first time we met was only for 2 minutes of which we were completely beyond drunk. At his show he kept coming over to me and joking round and talking to me, he even told me he tried finding me when he was singing on stage but he couldnt find me in the mosh, and how if he did find me he was going to pull me up on stage with him. but ever since we've met that time a couple of days ago hes been acting even weirder. I feel like something changed between us...and i dont know what to do or what to think anymore. I mean i felt SO comfortable around him, which is odd cause im really shy when it comes to guys i like, especially when im sober. i just really dont know what to do or think about this anymore. i really dont know, i just want things to go back to the way they were, i want to know what changed. i want to know how to fix this.
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He really doesn't know what he wants. It does sound like he's into you. Actually, he is into you. I don't know if it's true feelings or just that whole lust thing just to mess around with you because he thinks you're hot or something.
Right now, he sounds like he just doesn't want anyone and just wants to mess around with girls. You're one of them. Probably not in the same way because I don't think you're sleeping with him.
I was into a guy who was like that. We ended up getting close after my break up. We texted all the time and all that. We made out once and then we got into fights because he was what I wanted but he really didn't want anything real right now. He'd get mad if I'd mention my ex or any other guy. I did end up dating someone else because I wasn't going to wait around for him. He hated me for it. So anyway, to end this story, we didn't talk for 2 months. Now we're texting again and better than ever. He needed time to grow up.
So give this guy some time to realize what he's doing. If you are still that girl that's for him then he'll come back and realize what a good friend you were to him and that he wouldn't want to lose you.
Good luck!
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He told you what he wanted, He wants to fool around not get serious. 5 years is a long time to be in a relationship, I was in one for 5 1/2 and after we broke up I was not ready for another relationship even 5 months down the line..I still wasn't ready.
You two flirt, At the same time he wants to fool around with girls. How do you know you are not the only girl he fools around with? You go by assumptions to the fact he is protective of you and he said he was into you but one thing you want to make sure of is that you aren't just a booty call. Slow it down, If you want to know whether he is into you or not then let the guy come to you. You do not want to come off as desperate, Pushy or annoying. If he is really into you then he will come to you when he is ready. Sure, You can still flirt with him but don't go over board to the point where you are sending pictures of yourself. If he only contacts you when he is horny...Then there's your answer the guy just wants to get in your pants.
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