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Is crappy sex worth breaking up over?
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now, and I've been noticing that our sex life is getting crappier and crappier, at least for me, because its becoming more and more about him. I have tried talking to him about it, telling him what I like, etc, but it doesn't help. We don't even kiss or cuddle anymore, if he wants sex (which isn't very often, about once every two weeks) he'll just poke me with it. If he wants head he'll just nudge my head down there. I can't remember the last time he touched me in a way that would bring me pleasure.
In all other aspects of the relationship he's great. I love him, but the crappy sex life is becoming a really big issue for me, and I don't know how to get him to understand that (he has a low sex drive anyway). I don't know if bad sex is worth breaking up over, if I'm completely happy with everything else.
All I want is some attention on me during sex, because I know if that were to happen it would get a million times better. It would show me he cared about me and my pleasure as well. And don't tell me to not give him any until he starts acting right, because I don't think that would solve anything and would just create resentment on his side.
What do I do?
(I'm 20, he's 25)
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Do everything Rahzie said first. If nothing works, yes, I think it's worth breaking up over.
That's a personal opinion, but I would not have married my wife if the sex weren't still awesome five years later.
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There may be some underlying issues going on with him, that he's not telling you. There's a possibility that he doesn't really want to be with you anymore or that he's seeing someone else behind your back. He also sounds like he's still a bit immature to be acting this way without a good reason. If you talk to him and things don't change or they change for a short time and go back to the crappy sex, it may be time to move on and find someone that will treat you the way you deserve. I hope this helps and good luck.
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Stop dropping hints. Stop 'talking to him' about it.
Start being brutally honest and clear about your position.
"I am unhappy with our sex life."
"I feel like you don't care about what I want or how I enjoy sex."
"I don't think our relationship is going to survive if my sexual needs are never met at all - it causes too much pain and resentment. If this doesn't change it will kill our relationship. If it can't change, I need to seriously consider ending this relationship."
At that point you will have told him the truth: You will have told him, in no uncertain terms that this is a deal breaker for you. It would be dishonest of you to pretend it isn't. Your relationship will end if your sexual activity together doesn't change. That's the fact, and he deserves to hear it.
And he'll pout. He'll get angry. He'll get defensive. Give him some time to process that, but don't apologize for the truth. Very gently remind him that you really want to work on this together. That you want to stay together and that is why you've told him the truth. That the only reason you told him is because you want to make it work.
Maybe he wont be able to handle the truth. Maybe it will kill your relationship. Or maybe it will be the wake up call he needs to realize that if he wants to be in this relationship, he needs to meet you in the middle and be responsive to your needs as well.
I know what I'm suggesting is scary, because it puts you in a moment that is a make or break moment for your relationship. It's always scary to be that honest, but if you want the best shot at this changing, that's the way to go.
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