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How to deal with angry mom- family melodrama :(

Question Posted Saturday February 26 2011, 6:38 am

Hi- sorry to rant but my family is crazy and I need to vent somewhere. Please help.

Basically, whenever my mom gets angry, she turns into a psycho and starts yelling at my brother.

There's a lot of history behind this. When he was a junior at high school, he started going through severe depression. At the time, my parents were having a very aggressive divorce and my mom was in a very bad state of mind, often crying and losing her temper easily. As a result, she didn't notice that my brother was depressed so she didn't notice when he started missing school without telling anyone.

When the teachers finally mentioned his absence to my mom she became furious and started screaming at him, that he was just like his father and why couldn't everyone leave her alone as she sacrificed so much from her life to try to make things work out for everyone. To this day she still speaks about the start of my brother's depression as if it was a personal betrayal (she had high expectations about his school future as he is smart).

My brother then proceeded to fail his high school exams and not get in to university. He and my mom would often fight, sometimes ending with her breaking things from his room against the wall. My brother lost interest in everything and had (and still has) no friends. He refuses to talk to my dad because my dad is a dishonest person who isn't interested in having a relationship anyways (a lot more history there but i won't go into that) .

My brother then went to a 6-month therapy camp abroad, stayed with relatives, came back to re-take his high school exams (after a 1 year study program) and failed them again. He has no drive and I'm very worried about him. He is now doing a pre-university course that will give him one more chance to get into uni but I'm afraid that he may fail again. He doesn't do drugs or anything like that but the main problem is that he just doesn't do anything! He is addicted to the internet and cares about nothing else.

My mom is still angry at him. She thinks that he doesn't respect her and thinks that she is an idiot (that's what she tell me). If she just communicated with him about it, she would find that he is actually a very nice person who would respect her if she just stopped using him as an emotional punch back. To me it seems like she just gets so unreasonably angry, as if she is taking out her issues against my dad onto my brother (or something!).

They just had another argument. My brother lost his temper last night because my mom made him do the dishes, so she got really angry at him for losing his temper. She then started yelling at both of us for not taking her seriously at around 12pm, woke up my brother by yelling at him and stormed out of the house. My brother didn't let me come into his room (I think he was crying) but a while later told me he was going to the local hospital because his hand was bleeding. It turned out he had punched his mirror and now there is blood spattered all over his floor.

When my mom comes home, she will probably get angry at him for losing his temper again and getting blood all over the floor. She seems to think he is some sort of monster. I am now sitting home by myself feeling pretty shaken up and I'm not sure what to do. When they both come home, it's going to be hell. Please help.

[ Answer this question ]

Additional info, added Saturday February 26 2011, 6:48 am:
*btw my brother is 21 years old.

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adviceman49 answered Sunday February 27 2011, 10:23 am:
I'm not a doctor but from what I know about depression your brother is still suffering from depression; so is your mother. The crying, temper tantrums, the withdrawal from friends are all signs of depression. Your brothers problems in school are another sign.

The best advice I can give you, which you will probably have more success with your brother than your mother, is to get your them into treatment.

From your writing I can't tell if you live in the U.S. or another Country. if you live in the U. S. take your brother to a local emergency room. By law they have to treat him. If you live in another country where public health is available take your brother to the appropriate health center for treatment.

[ adviceman49's advice column | Ask adviceman49 A Question

Sweet_LiL_Angel answered Sunday February 27 2011, 9:38 am:
i think your brother shound apply for public housing get out on his own.. look for a job and get away from your mother. hes the monster she says he is because of her. I am not saying your mother is a bad person but she took the divorce hard and still is. she doesnt know how to deal and she needs a theripist as well. and you are doing great seeking for help; i dont know how old you are but you are in an unsafe enviroment and you need to find some place else to go weather with family or something.

[ Sweet_LiL_Angel's advice column | Ask Sweet_LiL_Angel A Question

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