|
Marriage Help: She gets in the way!
I would like some outsiders opinoins please... I will be married almost 5 years and we have a great marriage. We love and trust each other very much. We have our good days and bad :) LOL However, there is something that just makes me sick to my stomach and I just cannot get over it and he is not willing to make any change. There is woman that works at his job and he talks with her and gets along with her fine. However, I don't care for her very much. Well, whenever I we bump into each other or I go to his place of employment she will talk to him and treat me as if I am not even there... And he is ok with that! Am I crazy to get upset? Please help! I don't want to ruin our trust but it just seems like he should just respect me enough to say this is my wife! Be respectful... I am not saying you have to like me. You dont even have to talk to me but dont bud into our conversation and start your own like I am not imporatant... Please advise...Thanks :)
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I think you need to let this go - at least a little bit.
You didn't really imply she is a friend of his - she's a co-worker. That is a pretty rational reason for him to not want to 'rock the boat' with her. She's a rude co-worker. It's tough to challenge someone who is only an acquaintance on their rudeness.
Next time, rather than demanding your husband take the risk of confronting her (it would be nice if he did this, but as I've said - it would be difficult and risky for him to offend a co-worker like this, perfectly understandable he doesn't feel it's necessary or worth it) interrupt her yourself.
"Hi, I'm Carol, Bob's wife. I feel like I've seen you a dozen times but we've never actually met."
Then follow up with questions that begin a conversation with her, what does she do at the office, is she looking forward to weekend? It can be inane. But rather than expecting your husband to rescue you from this woman, you are actually in a more powerful position than he with her. You can kill her with kindness.
After taking this approach with her a few times, where you don't let her ignore you but dominate the conversation yourself, one of two things will happen: Either she will recognize that she cannot ignore you when speaking your husband and will include you OR she will avoid speaking to your husband when you are around, in order to avoid you.
It's understandable she drives you a bit crazy, but you need to recognize how much power you have over this situation. You actually have a greater ability to challenge this woman's rude behavoir then your husband does. So instead of standing there and stewing, waiting for someone to acknowledge you, interrupt the two of them and make yourself present.
]
This is a hard question to answer as anyway you look at it there are problems to be had.
Should you go to your husband and in anyway shape or form tell him that his friendship with this women has to stop. If you were to ask him to ask her to respect you as his wife when you visit his work place, or both. This brings up the problem of trust between you and your husband which will eat away at your marriage.
You could invite this women out to lunch for a girl/girl conversation and let her know how you feel about how she treats you and the attention she is paying toward your husband. Again that trust issue between you and your husband is going to come between you.
That fact is your husband comes home to you every night and sleeps with you in your bed. That should tell you that there is no reason for you to be concerned over this women.
If you have not already done so you might have a conversation with your husband about her. Something about how rude she breaking into your conversations when you visit. You can understand if it is important business that needs his immediate attention. If not you would feel a lot better if he would say something to the effect; "excuse me I'm talking to my wife at the moment, this can wait until later."
If you approach it from this angle the trust issue is avoided and you are putting rudeness on her when you are trying to have a private moment or conversation with your husband.
]
More Questions: |