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Meeting my boyfriend's not-so-charming friend for the first time.
Basically, my boyfriend has a friend who he's said nothing good about outside of their friendship. He's constantly told me this guy objectifies women, is arrogant, etcetc. I've also heard this from mutual friends.
Anyway, yesterday he asks me if I'd be willing to meet this guy because he wants to meet me and have dinner apparently. I told him I don't feel 100% comfortable with the situation and explained why, and he told me that although his friend objectifies the women he's dating, he wouldn't do it to me, and that he considers him a "good friend" all aside and asked me politely again if I'd just meet him and give him a chance.
I'm not against giving people chances, and I usually do prefer having my own idea of how people are than letting outside information cloud my judgment. However, I can't get past him objectifying women and I can't help but feel like he'll do the same with me. Not to mention the fact that just two weeks ago my boyfriend was telling me how he was using a girl for sex, and now all of a sudden he's a "changed man" because he's committed to someone.
Am I being ridiculous for not wanting to really even get to know the guy? I'm still considering just meeting him, but I can't picture myself ever having some friendship with him - and I feel like my boyfriend expects me to just hangout with them both now that apparently their friendship took an upswing.
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You aren't being ridiculous for being cautious, but it would be deeply unfair and disrespectful to your boyfriend to refuse to met him once. It's okay not to be comfortable, and to tell your boyfriend why, but after that you need to at least give this guy a fair shake. To refuse to even meet him would be deeply judgmental and disrespectful to your boyfriend.
You can remind your boyfriend that everyone you know (including him!) has described this guy as someone you wouldn't want anything to do with. Your boyfriend contributed to your very negative image of this person - it's understandable you aren't excited to meet him.
However, your boyfriend probably DOES expect you you hang out with them both and at least give it a chance. It's a perfectly fair thing for him want a friend and his girlfriend to met and try to get along. You don't need to be excited about it, but respect your boyfriend's ability to choose friends and rise above the gossip long enough to meet this guy and form your own opinions.
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Unfortunately, if someone is a part of your boyfriend's life, it is usually inevitable that you will meet them if you're in a long-term relationship. It's not ridiculous that you don't really want to meet him at all, to be completely honest I don't think I would either, BUT your boyfriend will appreciate it if you try. If you really don't get on, he should know not to try and force you to get along, but this is only the first meeting. I know quite a few guys who are nice friends but terrible boyfriends, so you might be surprised.
If you feel that he expects you to hang out with this friend all the time, at least meeting him once will prove either that it's impossible for you to enjoy his company, or hopefully, that you can get along. Once you know for sure, you can talk to your boyfriend and tell him what you thought of his friend (in as nice a way as possible).
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