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Question Posted Monday January 17 2011, 10:32 am

19/f

I've been having a lot of personal issues lately. When I was 18, I moved out of my house, and now that I am almost 20, I have moved back in with my dad. A lot of things have been happening that made me decide to move back here, and it was a really hard to decision that ultimately ended my relationship with my boyfriend. Anyways, we have been broken up for 2 weeks (maybe less, I forget because I'm in a fog) and he already likes someone else. I am fine with him having friends and doing what he needs to to get over our break-up because it was definitely a shock to him, but it hurts my feelings as well. 2 weeks ago he told me he loved me and wanted to try and work this out, and now all of a sudden he likes another girl. Am I wrong to be upset by this? If it was longer than 2 weeks, I probably wouldn't care so much but I'm really hurt and I don't know if I have the right to be since we are both adults and can do as we please.

I really want to continue to be his friend, but now that this has come up it makes me feel weird and now I don't like him as a person. Am I in the wrong? Is he? Should I just get over it?

Thanks in advance.


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miranda_love answered Monday January 17 2011, 9:53 pm:
Listen to the person below me they gave you some great advice. In fact I was going to say most of that stuff but I'll help you out with a few other things.

The truth is he hasn't moved on. No guy can move on in less than 2 or 3 weeks thats ridiculous. He loved you very much and the only way he can get his feelings to leave him is to date other girls. This girl he likes, well he doesn't even like her she's a rebound. He could be trying to make you jealous. Don't let it get to you. To be honest with your situation...I was in a relationship with a guy for 2 years and he broke up with me. Then a week later I found out he liked someone else and he was flirting with her. I was really hurt because I still wasn't over him. He would still talk to me and it hurt when we talked because we played the "friends" role. Then he asked her out the next day and I was in so much pain I went crazy. I felt like beating the girl up and fighting for him. But instead I had to do it the hard way and completely cut any communication with him and find a new guy. I actually found someone better now and I'm glad I'm not with him anymore. I found out later that my ex broke up with her. Then he came back for me. I said no to him though because he doesn't deserve me and I'll never forget what it feels like to be betrayed by an ex. So there's my story hope it helped you out :)

What I suggest you do though is to not talk to him. Don't be friends with him. Have some time to heal at least a month or 2. It will be hard but you have to realize that you don't need him anymore. Once you have made that decision you can let a better guy come into your life and treat you better. Wish you the best of luck!

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dearcandore answered Monday January 17 2011, 3:16 pm:
No, you are not wrong to feel hurt. No matter what the circumstances of the break up were, the fact that he seems to have moved on so quickly naturally makes you wonder if what you had was real at all. Anybody would feel that way. That being said, don't be so sure he's "moved on". Its different for guys. We women retreat when we are in emotional pain. Men seek out things to mask the pain. He may just be trying to forget about the pain of your break up by covering it up with a new girl - the rebound girl. That's pretty common, actually. And I don't believe that you don't really like him as a person. I think you are hurt, and that is coloring your feelings for him. I believe one day you will be able to be friends again, but considering that you have just ended a pretty significant relationship, its best to break off communication for a while and go your separate ways. Its unfair to expect him (and you) to heal and move on when you can't even get away from the sight or sound of each other for any serious amount of time. I know its not what you want, but you need to back away from this relationship for right now. Let him do whatever it is he needs to do to heal, and you do the same. And when the fog lifts and you can think more clearly, only THEN will you be in a position to pursue a genuine friendship. Being friends right now is unrealistic. Give yourself a chance to mend. It may seem impossible right now, but it WILL happen, I promise. Good luck.

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