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husband flirting
My husband has been texting a co-worker of his and admitted to flirting with her. When I confronted him the first time he said he would stop. I found out he deletes all of her messages because I looked at the phone records. He was really upset when I confronted him the second time. This has been going on for over a year. I also just found out he has been receiving and texting porn to his friends. He's suddenly going to the gym and into his appearance. I have major self esteem issues right now and really need his support. I was diagnosed with leukemia and getting ready for a bone marrow transplant. I have lost my hair due to chemo. I realize I can't do much with my appearance right now because of the radiation and chemo. I do try to make my makeup look nice and wear pretty scarves to cover my head.I'm afraid to bring up the texting because each time I did in the past he got really upset because of the lack of trust. I know he won't cheat on me but I do worry about the emotional connection with this co-worker and this sudden interest in porn. He doesn't tell me I'm unattractive, he's only said I look okay and to not worry about it. My question is, should I confront my husband and if so how do I do that without upsetting him with the snooping? Is it okay for him to flirt with other women and send porn to his friends since it's not actually cheating?
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Honestly I do not think it is okay and I think you deserve better. I understand you are in a very emotional postion right now. He could be afrid of losing you but texting and sending and recieving porn is no reason to be treating you that way. I would sugest to him that you know about the texting and porn and would like to see a marriage counsler let him know how much you are hurt say it then say think about it and get back to me look him straight in the eyes turn and walk away.
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Honey, you deserve better than this. You are going through an INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT experience, and your husband should do his best to make you feel comfortable, supported, and beautiful. He married you for better or worse, didn't he?
You need to sit him down and calmly tell him how you feel. Try not to sound accusatory because that will make him defensive. Just express your feelings. Tell him what you need from him right now, and how his actions make you feel insecure and upset.
For future reference, flirting with other women isn't so bad. It makes men feel sexy and wanted, which they may not get all the time in a marriage. I've read that it's good for his self-esteem to occasionally flirt. But that does not mean he should develop a flirty relationship on a regular basis. That has the chance to grow into something more, so I would say it is innapropiate to be texting his female co-worker, especially if he hides it from you. Discuss with him that if he wants to text her, it's only fair he doesn't delete the messages. If he has nothing to hide he shouldn't be afraid.
As for porn, theres a line between too much and alright. If it isn't an addiction, then I don't see anything wrong with it.
Open communication and support is what you and your husband need. If he really loves you he will offer it.
Good luck and Get better soon,
-Abby
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Since he's a man, he probably doesn't like to talk about his problems. More than likely he's going through his own emotional issues than he's not letting you know about. So his way of coping with his problems at home is to flirt and check out porn. It helps him forget about his problems and makes him feel in control. Your situation is something he can't fix or control and men do not like being out of control. If he does start to make new friends that you haven't met and going to places out of the ordinary, then you should probably confront him. You can talk to him about your fear of emotional infedelity and let him know that you trust him but you need his body and his heart with you during this troubling time. I hope everything works out for you and that you make a speedy recovery.
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