Feeling guilty after having threesome with a girlfriend and her friend
Question Posted Saturday January 1 2011, 2:01 pm
I guilted my girlfriend into a threesome. She told me some months back that she was "slightly" bi-curious. I thought it sounded kind of hott to have a threesome so I really did pressure her to do it with me and this girl she knows (who is openly bisexual). We had the threesome last week, and I did penetrate both my girlfriend and the other girl, but now I feel really bad and guilty. When it was happening, I felt really good though, but now I kind of even feel like I cheated on my girlfriend. My girlfriend doesn't act like anything differently has happened, but inside I feel bad that I pushed her into doing it. I asked her how she felt now that it's happened and she said she feels weird and wants to put it behind her. What can I do to feel less bad, I guess, is what I'm asking? I really liked the threesome and getting to have sex with the other girl but I wish I didn't. I'm torn.
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life? iloveaar answered Wednesday January 5 2011, 1:54 am: apologize to her tell her that you feel bad about kinda pressurnig her ,(this will also make her feel alot better) tell her you're not interested on ever doing that again and that you love her only and that you're feelings weren't involved for the other girl (so she won't feel self conscious ) tbh id say something like.. or more like what i would like to hear..
i'm sorry about what happened, i don't feel ok with what happened so i'd like to put this behind us, but i cannot help but feeling guilty over it, i never meant to pressure you and i'm sorry if it came out that way, i just want you to know that you're the only one im interested on and the only one who i like to be intimate with, i'm sorry if you felt pressured and i understand we were both just curious but i'd hate for you to feel bad about it, just know that i'm not into that and that i love you and hope we can put this behind us
something like that ,,,cause tbh she might be feeling the exact same as you and she might be not wanting to express it, or she might feel like is he not really into me cause he agreed on this with another girl ? this will give her confidence and state that you didn't liked it (even if you enjoyed it but i mean as in the whole threesome idea ) that you're not into threesomes and that you're a good bf and that u really care about her cause feeling guilty over something she agreed on doing aswell means you really care about her and love her, don't worry once you've both talked about it you'll both feel fine, cause right now you both might be feeling guilty cause it sounds kinda intense the whole idea, but you were just curious and its fine, now that you know ure not into that , neither of you, then you'll both be fine, but talk to her and make it clear that you love her and that you're not into that . [ iloveaar's advice column | Ask iloveaar A Question ]
adviceman49 answered Sunday January 2 2011, 11:19 am: The two hardest words in our language to speak are; "I'm Sorry". But when said with purpose and meaning mean so very much.
What you need to do is to apologize to your girlfriend; to tell her your sorry for pressuring her in to doing something she was no really comfortable doing. You go on to tell her that you will not lie to her and say you didn't like it for you did, but that you have regretted it ever since as you know that was not something she truly wanted to do.
You can back up your words with a small token to show your love. Not knowing your ages I am hard pressed to make a suggestion. One of the least expensive ones I can think of would be to take her to see a chick flick she has been wanting to see.
Sex between two consenting adults is a beautiful thing. The operative word here is consenting. Nothing is off limits between you and your partner provided both of you consent to it and no one is physically harmed by it. Exploring and expanding your sexualities is part of life and can be fun just as long as their is mutual consent.
Tell this to your girlfriend and promise her you will never try to pressure her again and she has every right to tell you and should tell you when something you suggest is uncomfortable to her. [ adviceman49's advice column | Ask adviceman49 A Question ]
Matt answered Sunday January 2 2011, 5:50 am: What you did was wrong, and it's good that you recognize this and want to move forward. What you should definitely not do is have a threesome with a guy to "even the score." That is probably some of the worst advice I've ever read on this site, and I've been wasting my life on this godforsaken website for over six years. Doing that would totally decimate your relationship.
What you should do is communicate with your girlfriend about how wrong it was and how sorry you are. This pressured threesome is the sign of bigger issues in your relationship than your desire to quench a thirst. The threesome and your resulting guilt may have put it to bed temporarily, but the issues will be exposed again eventually if you two don't figure out what the root of the problem is and act on fixing it. That you would request a threesome is one thing, but that she would allow herself to be manipulated into actually going through with it despite feeling uncomfortable says much more.
You seem like a good guy deep down, so I really do hope that you're able to work out the issues in your relationship for the better. Communication is going to be the means by which you achieve this. [ Matt's advice column | Ask Matt A Question ]
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