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I want to help my friend but I don't know how
my friend kimma is going through alot of problems right now. First of all she likes girls and she is 31 years old and iam 21 years old I know age difference. I go to a mental health center every day and i met her sister margie there and then I started going to margies to spencd the night and her sister kimma and I became really close and her sister moved out a few months ago and promised to help pay the bills and now she's says she's not doing it anymore and kimma has a 9 year old little girl to take care of with no income at all and it hard to find a job during the christmas holidays and plus she's having to worry about how she is going to take care of her little girl and her sister is going around calling everybody at the center telling them what is going on between her and her sister plus she is telling them bullshit about kimma smoking pot in front of her little girl when I know margie was the one smoking it and not kimma what should I do to help them?
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As harsh as this sounds, this is not your problem. Kimma is 31... when you get to that age you're going to realize that a lot of life experience goes into getting to there, and that we are all responsible for the choices we make, and the consequences of those choices. Kimma has most certainly made some choices to get her in the position she is in, even if its not totally fair. And so has Margie. The fact that you know so much about it tells me they have both sucked you into this drama. I'm willing to bet Kimma has had a lot of people move in and out of her life who tried to help her and left in frustration as they watched her do the same things over and over. At some point she'll have to make some hard choices for herself. You are not the only help out there. It sounds to me like you have your own issues to deal with. Don't let others distract you. Yes, you care for her and don't want to see anyone uncomfortable at Christmas, but you are not obligated to fix her problems. So keep your "helping" simple, to a minimum. Please don't give any of these people money. I think you will regret that and injecting money into a friendship is a quick way to ruin it. But you CAN help by doing things like researching a list of shelters, soup kitchens, food pantrys and other services Kimma can go to get the help she may need through the holidays, if she decides she needs it. And, if anyone approaches you about their situation, you can help by being truthful about what you know. You can be there to listen. That's a huge help. You could help Kimma find a job and maybe offer to babysit when she goes on interviews. But I can tell already that you are the type of person who hates to see anyone else in the sort of pain you've felt in the past, and you get sucked into a lot of drama trying to help others avoid that pain. I bet you find yourself getting used a lot. People mistake your caring for weakness. Figure out what your boundaries are with these friends, and stick to them. You can help around the edges of the problem, but those problems are still theirs and its not up to you to solve them. Don't use that as a distraction for what's going on in your own life.
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There's important information missing in your question
1)what is "going on between [Kimma] and her sister?" Is it something important?
2) Where is the father of Margie's child, and why isn't he helping out? Can he be compelled to pay child support?
3)Why is it a problem that Kimma is spreading rumors about Margie at the center? Is Margie dependent on them for something?
4) Are you able to take Margie in temporarily if she gets evicted or her heat gets turned off? Is that an option?
Is Margie on disability or some other sort of state assistance? If not, is she eligible to apply?
If we know these things, I think we may be able to offer advice. There's some advice contained in these questions already, actually. Anyway, hope that helps, and definitely consider re-posting your question with more information. Good luck!
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