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I gave him what he wanted, then he dumped me... But I still want him!
I am fifteen, a girl, sophomore. Here's the story. I met this guy the summer before my freshman year. People told me he was a player and just wanted to use me but no, I saw something different. And so we started talking and he was funny and sweet and nice and I started to like him and he liked me back. We started dating and it was great. He was my first boyfriend and my first kiss. I have never been happier than i was those first four months. He made me feel so special. But he is sixteen at the time, a sophomore, and I was fourteen, a freshman. And he told me how the girl he was with before, well he fingered her. This scared me. I thought, I dont wanna do that stuff, I'm not ready but he assured me that our relationship meant more to him than the physical stuff. But things started changing. We would hang out and be making out and he'd try and slip a hand down my pants but I'd always pull it out. We never talked about it but it kept happening. Finally, I let him finger me. Next he started asking for handjobs and I would say no but... I gave him one. I didn't know what was happening at the time but I started to get sooo whipped. Anything he told me to do I'd do, just in general. I was going through some rough times with my friends and parents so he basically became my life. He was the only thing I thought was going well. I couldn't lose him. He told me he loved me. And I told him we were too young but eventually I said it back. And I began to feel it to. I really did love him in all of my twistedness. But he began to grow distant and the more he pulled away the more I clung to him. Thigs were falling apart but I couldn't let go. He forced me to look him in the eye and he told me he loved me. So when he asked for a bj I did it... I trusted him. He dumped me four days later in a text message. I asked how he could say he loved me on day and then four days later not want a thing to do with me. He said we were never in love. He said we were too young. We dated all school year, broke up on the first day of summer. It was the worst summer of my life. He told people how far we went; that I put out. I told him I hated him. I said horrible things to him but I still wanted him back. He moved on quickly. It broke my heart to see him flirt with other girls and hear rumors of his hook ups. It tore me to pieces. In the middle of the summer he said he wanted to apologize for how he handled everything, that he was an ass. (all in text of course). But I wouldn't accept his apology. School starts again and I yelled at him. For such a stupid reason... He ignored me and I sent him nasty texts. I felt bad after and tried to apologize but he said he doesn't care. He doesn't wven want to be friends. And I think I still love him... It's been eight months since we broke up and not a single day goes by that I don't wish he wanted me back too. I think about him 24/7. I texted him the other night because it actually wasnt until a few weeks ago that I noticed how clingy I was in our relationship. I used to blame everything on him but I know I had a part in our relationship failure and I wanted to apologize. It was in text. He said he appreciated it and we had a nice little conversation but I texted him a few days ago and he said yup and then didn't reply... He knows I want to be friends and he kind of knows I still like him (I think) but I don't think he wants a thing to do with me. But I'm miserable without him. I don't understand. It's been so log since we broke up and Ive done the hook ups, the hanging out with your girls, the finding new hobbies, I even went a week pinching myself whenever I thought of him. I dated another guy but I broke up with him recently because I know o still want my ex. I just don't know what to do. I'm desperate right now and I want to be happy again but I feel like it's neve gonna happen. I know I'm young. Don't tell me that. That's not going to take away any of this pain and I want it gone. I just need help on getting through this. And not a lecture.
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Oh hun, I've been there. Thankfully, the man I loved never saw me enough to get physical. But, I promise you; even if he were to take you back your relationship wouldn't last. Unfortunately, you fell in love with someone who isn't worth your time. I'll see if I can give you a few tips on how I got over my boy.
-Firstly, stop blaming yourself. Maybe you were clingy, maybe you were this. But that's not your fault. A real man, a man worth your effort, will communicate with you about it. If he had cared, he would have explained how he felt about how you were acting in a respectful way. Key to a strong relationship: communication. Remind yourself that all he did was use you and persuade you into doing things you didn't think you were ready for. Even if he has apologized to you, it's doubtful he means it. He just wants to seem like a good guy and not the scum that he really is. It isn't your fault; it's his.
-Secondly, give yourself a mourning period. Say, four days. Let yourself cry, wish for him, curse him, watch sappy movies, curl up and eat your comfort food. Then after your days are up, swear to yourself not to let him get under you like that again. Don't let yourself cry over him, remind yourself he isn't worth it. He never will be. Not for you.
-Thirdly, cut off all connection from him. And I mean, delete his Facebook, his phone number, throw away any pictures or gifts he's given you. Completely remove any aspect of him in your life. I know it sounds hard. I was torn up over my ex for over a year. But after I wrote him a letter explaining to him I was never going to speak with him again and removed all memories of him, I felt instantly better. If there's nothing there for you to physically look at or holdon to, it'll be easier to forget about him.
-Fourthly, make yourself busy. I know you said you've hung out with your girls, found new hobbies, etc. Try again. But the hobbies don't have to be new things. If there's something you've always loved doing, do it. Don't give yourself enough down time to even think about him. Learn to not only love spending time with others but spending time with yourself as well.
-Finally, if you need to, write yourself a reminder of the reasons why you're amazing on your own.. without him. Put it somewhere you can see it every day and read it. You DON'T need him. You're better than him and better than the poor relationship he put you through.
I promise you, you will get over him in time. You just need to stop holding on and hoping for him to change and want you back. You can do it. I got over my ex after roughly a year or so of heartache and have been with my current boyfriend for almost 3 years and I've never been happier.
I know it seems bleak now, but you CAN move on.
I hope this helps you and if you need any more advice, feel free to ask. :)
-Fox
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It sounds like he told you what you wanted to hear, He clearly took advantage of you. Him saying what you wanted to hear is his bait way of gaining your trust. I would honestly move on, You can't change what happened but you can change what happens next time in a future relationship. You are young, Too young to be having sex but I'm not going to lecture you but I will say you might want to think before you do. Reality, Most teenage boys these days only go for one thing, It's extremely rare you actually find one that isn't your typical horny teenager. How do you prevent it? Take it slow. If he seems pushy then there you go...You've got yourself another pig that needs a boot in the ass.
No, You don't want him he disrespected you.
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Do you know how many relationships EXACTLY like this I've been in? Here's your first clue. He DOES NOT LOVE YOU. He told you he loved you, and that he'd wait? But he didn't want to wait, and asked you to do that stuff anyway. I tell you right now, he didn't forget that you didn't want to do that stuff. Hell no. He knew. He was hoping and praying to get into your pants. He's sitting there flirting with other girls like it isn't anything, he NEVER cared. He's what I call, a date wait. He'll date you for as long as it takes...until he gets bored, until you put out. And if you don't, he moves on. He needs to grow up. Nothing was your fault. There's no clingy shit. Every girl had or has a bad boy like that. And getting your heart broken makes you stronger. It teaches you that you can get through all the heartbreaks. All this hurt, torment and pain is going to turn you into a better, stroner person. Don't take him back if HIS life depended on it. He doesn't deserve it. He deserves his eyes gouged out with forks. I know you love him, and I know it hurts now, (Like I haven't heard that before) but you really will get over it. I really hope that helps.
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