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Daughter is using me
My 30 year old daughter has a 3 year old son that is the love of my life. She recently moved out of the house she was living in with the father of my grandson, they were not married. It was a bad situation and I do not blame her for leaving. She moved her things in to the home I share with my husband and son. I already had the house set up with things for my grandson as I watched him two or three nights a week. I'm afraid that if I make her mad she will move out and into a place with one of her friends and take my grandson. Her friends are not exactly the best examples, nor are they felons. What can I do to see to it that she gets a job without disrupting everyones lives in the process. (she is one of those that thinks the world of herself)
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There are a lot of unanswered questions here that make it hard to offer advice. A recent survey showed that may young people your daughters age, about 47% of those surveyed did not feel marriage was necessary in order to have a traditional family. So I am not that surprised that your daughter and the father of your grandson are not married.
The quick answer to your question is not to harp on the subject. Yes you daughter is 30 years old, the mother of a small child and should be more responsible. Times are different today, very much so than when you and I were her age. Jobs are not as available. Many of the jobs that might be available could be seen as demeaning by her based on her education and abilities. Even so she has a child to care for and that is a responsibility that requires one to reach beneath themselves when required.
Given that we are close to the end of the year and many employers do not hire, with the exception of seasonal employers, I would allow this time to pass with you and her getting closer together. Find out why, without badgering she and her boyfriend broke up? Help her build up self-esteem if required. Do not let her sleep the day away. Yes the child is your grandson, he is also first and foremost her son and she needs to be the primary care giver. The only time you should become your grandsons' primary care giver is if your daughter is working or has gone back to school.
As for working, be supportive, don't badger. It is going to be hard finding a job. The saying any job is better than no job at all is not always right. A job that one hates can come back on the entire household. Be supportive and be firm in that you are the grandparent and not the parent. The child is not your parenting responsibility.
One last thing; make sure she sees a lawyer and has the proper documents served on the boys father so that it is seen to that his fatherly financial, medical and educational responsibilities to his son are seen to.
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