|
I don't feel emotions the way I think I should
I'm a 23 year old male. I don’t know whether what I feel now is real or just me trying to make it real. I have this void inside me, where deep down I honestly don’t feel anything for anyone. I can say that I love my dad, my sisters, but when I look inside to see that love I find nothing.
I had a pretty crappy childhood, although I remember good times, me and my sisters were also abused. My father had a mental breakdown when I was 10 or so, and for years did nothing but lie on his bed and cry. My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me two days ago. I feel hurt, but not as much as I should. I’ve shed three tears, but that’s all. The only emotion I can distinctly feel is rage and anger.
I find myself not wanting to socialise with people (the reason why my girlfriend broke up with me). In a perfect world I would stay in a small apartment by myself, and never have to talk to anyone again. I find myself going through the motions with people, laugh when I’m supposed to, and say the right thing at the right time. I just feel numb. So much of my time is spent thinking about this, whether something’s wrong with me.
I look to the future, and I don’t see anything. I have no desire to do anything with my life, no drive. I don’t see any point in continuing to live when I don’t see anything to live for; it’s a view that is emotion-free, based wholly on what I feel is logical. I know that killing myself is selfish, as it will hurt those around me. I don’t want to hurt those who love me, but once again I can’t help but feel that that’s just me trying to project a feeling, rather than it being genuine. I’m not considering it as an option, as I know the damage it would do those around me, but I feel no sadness when I think about it, it seems to me to be a cold, rational decision. I don’t know whether this is just depression or is just the way I am. I guess my question is whether or not this is normal for some people? (sorry for the wall of text)
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
"To be or not to be; that is the question. whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer" i'm 18 and studying hamlet-shakespeare right now and we are learning about the mind and how it psychologically works. my teacher said that there's a part in our mind that is called the Id (pronounced as 1 word, not I.D). the id is the unconscious part of our brain. it contains secret desires, wishes, and fears.
you have a secret desire but you just dont know it yet. yeah i do believe you are depressed because when my ex and i used to date, he was really depressed and he broke up with me for no reason at all and he just completely went into a hole and stayed there. he was and still is very unsocial and cold towards people. i dont know why but i still cant stop caring about him. sometimes i try to comfort him and make him feel better and let him know i'm there for him but just his actions and words make him seem so unbearable. so yes, i have experienced people who are depressed/suicidal and by reading your question, it does seem like you are depressed.
like i already said, you are meant for something on this planet. everybody is here for a reason. whether if they are the next big actor or singer or scientist or firefighter. everyone has a purpose in life. please dont think you have nothing special in your life and that its not worth living.. you do have something worth living for, you just havent found it yet.
i know this may sound really cheesy and maybe its a bad idea since you are a 23 year old male.. but i recommend watching the movie Eat Pray Love. (or read the book if you want). I saw it with my mom and that movie has totally inspired me to become a whole new person. the movie is about this woman who divorces her husband and then lives in India and Italy for like 2 years and has a complete different outlook on life. its very simliar to your situation. she was unhappy with her life and then realized what she wanted in life was to get away from her life.
maybe thats what you need.. have you ever thought about that? just get away from life. go somewhere completely different and just explore. you might come up with a list of reasons why you cant do something like that like financial issues or other reasons. but you should consider it.
also, try talking to a professional counselor. therapist or something. i'm not saying you need help, i'm just saying it would be helpful for you if you wanted to get more professional advice on what to do. instead of taking some from a teenager haha.
and one last thing. i really recommend this. i tried it once and it helps me a lot. make a huge list of everything you have always wanted to do. it could be anything from skydiving to seeing africa to swimming with dolphins to eating chocolate to baking a cake or whatever. it could be anything. just make a huge long list of everything you've always wanted to do and set goals for yourself. set goals to accomplish one of those things on the list at least once a week or something.
and one more thing.. have you ever seen The Buried Life on MTV? i watch it and it inspires me to be like the guys on that show. its basically about a group of guys that make a list of things they want to do before they die and each episode is them trying to cross it off their list. some of their episodes were- Playing basketball with obama, compete in a krumping contest, scream at the top of your lungs, make a toast at a strangers wedding, get a lock of Robert Pattinsons hair, go streaking in public and get away with it.
i wish you well and inbox me if you need any more help :) i'm always here.
]
It's quite common for people who were abused as children to dissociate from emotions, in order to protect themselves. It usually takes some guidance from a therapist or counselor who specializes in childhood trauma to teach you how to safely feel again, and also teach you how to process and let go of some of that anger.
You are not alone in this experience, and it is very possible to heal and learn to feel emotions again, both positive and negative. It takes work, but having access to your feelings again gives you a new perspective on life.
]
More Questions: |