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Fear of Getting Into a New Relationship
15/f 17/m
So I've been talking to this guy for a bout three months. We've gone a few dates, hang out every weekend, kissed a few times, but haven't gone past making out. I really really like him but I don't know if I want to make this thing official. My last relationship lasted eight months and I got really hurt in the process. I'm scared of starting something new when I know it's going to end eventually and when I do it's gonna hurt. It's like, what's even the point?? Why should I set myself up for more hurt?? I know you have to take chance and its better to have loved and lostthan to have never loved at all, but in all honestly, I genuinely wish I had never started dating my last boyfriend. The pain and the betrayl (its a long stroy) just wasn't worth it... Now I have no doubt in my mind that this new guy isn't totally sweet and caring and would probably never try to hurt me. He's just a good guy and I know that. I know I'm being irrational but I can't help it! I don't know what to do... I'm scared and I don't know how much longer it's going to be until I'm ready... But I REALLy don't want to let him slip away. I know what you'll say, if he really likes me he'll wait, but I don't wanna make him do that. It's not fair to him and I won't string him along just becasue I'm unsure. I just neeed help getting over this fear and avoidance. PLEASE help.
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I think the thing is, you're not really letting go of your past. You got hurt by a foolish boy... but he's one out of a billion people, it doesn't mean they're all gonna hurt you :-) If you know you've got something good, hold onto it, because maybe this one could be the love of your life? or not, but there's only one way to find out... things like these are opportunities waiting to give you an experience that you can learn from. I say go for it! you're still really young, you've got so much of your life to live - live every moment! take every chance :D
Good luck and take care!
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I think you should definitely give this thing a shot! Make sure to warn him that your guard is still up and you don't want to invest too much in a relationship yet though. As time goes on you can get more comfortable with him and start to really become exclusive. Who knows, maybe you'll end up not wanting to be with him and end things yourself. Don't go into the relationship thinking things are going to end badly, sometimes when they end it is for the better and it's mutual. If this guy is really nice then that is likely to happen with him. And you never know, maybe things won't end between the two of you! I would say just take things slow and don't put your entire self into this relationship until you really feel it's time. If you don't give him a chance soon he could loose faith and move on, and that can be just as hurtful as a breakup. It's better to have known what it's like to be with him then to always wonder what could have been. This is a good time to practice getting close to someone, because eventually the person you let in is going to be the one. There will probably be many until that special person comes along so you have to give even the losers a chance before you can find your prince. It sounds like you two are already getting pretty close, I say don't be afraid to take the next step! Good luck!
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